Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Poison People, Power Plays & Why They Always Find the People Pleasers
Ever notice how some people seem to get stronger the harder you try to please them? That’s not a personality clash—it’s a power dynamic. We dig into why “poison people” are drawn to emotionally fluent, caring humans and how their control thrives on explanations, real-time reactions, and the need to be liked. The shift isn’t about becoming tougher or louder; it’s about becoming anchored and unavailable for the game.
We unpack the psychology behind people-pleasing—reading rooms, smoothing tension, absorbing discomfort—and how the wrong audience reads that as flexible boundaries. Then we flip the script. Instead of asking how to be more agreeable, we ask why someone needs you small. That single question exposes the engine of control. Steph shares a sharp story from her early days working in France, where constant nitpicking had less to do with performance and more to do with status. The moment she recognized the pattern, the sting dissolved and the power returned to its rightful owner.
You’ll walk away with five tactical tools to protect your energy and hold your ground: shorter statements that close loops, detaching from being understood, regulating before responding, choosing dignity over victory, and anchoring to the bigger picture to shift from victim to architect. We also emphasize a core truth: boundaries don’t make you mean, they make you honest. You can stay warm and kind without being available for manipulation. If you’ve been over-functioning to earn safety or acceptance, this conversation helps you stop negotiating your worth and start standing in it.
If the message resonates, share it with a friend who doubts themselves around “that one person,” subscribe for more grounded coaching, and leave a review so other recovering people pleasers can find their way here. Your peace is not up for negotiation—let’s keep it that way.
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Hey friend, welcome back to Pocket Full of Mojo. I'm Steph, your Mojo Maven, and today's episode is for anyone who's ever thought, why do these people keep finding me? You know the ones. The subtle bullies, the energy vampires, the power players that you can't unfriend because like life and work and family and they got other plants. That's right, today we're talking about poison people and why they especially are drawn to people pleasers and why trying harder to be liked actually gives them more power. We're gonna unpack why bullies are kryptonite to kind and capable humans. We're gonna look at what these relationships are here to teach you and how to navigate them without shrinking, over-explaining, or betraying yourself. Because ain't nobody got time for that. This episode is about staying anchored in who you are while the storm tries to pull you off center. So if you've ever felt confused, exhausted, or just secretly questioning yourself around certain people, stay with me. This one's gonna click. So let's get into it, and we're gonna start by getting tuned in, tapped in, turned on. Hey friend. Alright, so today we're talking about those people. You know, the ones, the ones who drain the room, the ones who poke and prod and undermine and dominate, the ones that you just can't mute or block or quietly on friends because like life. You know, like they might be a boss or a coworker. God heaven forbid they're a family member or a client. Someone tied to your history, your paycheck, or your last name. And if you're a recovering people pleaser, this episode might feel like I've been sitting on your couch watching this dynamic play out, biting my tongue, and now I'm here to finally say, okay, we need to talk about this. Because here's the thing that no one explains clearly enough. Poison people don't show up randomly. Yeah. There's already far too many of them, but they don't stumble into your life by accident. And they are especially drawn to people pleasers like moths to a porch light. And it's not because you're weak, and it's not because you allow the abuse, but because of what you radiate before you even open that cute little mouth of yours. So today we're gonna talk about why these people find you, what they're here to reflect back to you, why bullies are absolute kryptonite for people pleasers. We're gonna talk about how to navigate them without shrinking, fixing, or over-explaining, and how to stay anchored in the bigger picture when your nervous system wants to spiral. And this is not about blaming yourself, but this is about reclaiming your power without becoming harder or colder or heaven forbid meaner. So let's go. First, we're gonna look at why poison people find you. Because here's the uncomfortable truth wrapped in a cute little blanket of compassion. Let's start with what we know. People pleasers are emotionally fluent. You read rooms, you notice tone shifts, you sense discomfort before anyone even says anything. So you instinctively smooth edges and soften the tension, and that is a skill. But to the wrong person, that skill reads as flexible boundaries, high tolerance for pain, someone who will self-edit just to keep the peace, or someone who will absorb discomfort so they don't have to. And look, these poison people, they're often deeply insecure, power hungry, or emotionally dysregulated. They don't want your connection. What they want is control. And control feeds on responsiveness. So if you explain more, they push harder. If you try to be liked, they raise the bar. And if you stay kind while being mistreated, they get to feel superior. This is why bullies love people pleasers. Not because you're easy, but because you care. And I know, right? You're like, why am I being punished for caring again? Well, my sweet, beautiful friend, I'm here to tell you that care without boundaries becomes currency. Let's unpack that for a second. Because here's the reflection you didn't ask for. This is where we shift the lens without spiraling into self-blame. Because Pillizen people are like mirrors. They are in your life to reflect back what still needs strengthening, but not what's broken. And these people are gonna often highlight where you're gonna override your intuition, like saying yes when your gut says no, or where you confuse kindness with self-abandonment, like when you overextend yourself in order to be seen as the nice one. And they're going to highlight where your worth still feels negotiable and where you believe that being easy equals safe. So this is where you want to pay attention. You want to think of them like a brutally honest mirror with terrible bedside manner. Because if you're paying attention and you want to know more about where your gaps are, honey, they're gonna show you. More specifically, they're gonna show you how much power you gave away in order to gain their approval. They're gonna show you how often you explain instead of simply making a statement. And they're definitely gonna show you how deeply you've been trained to stay agreeable, to stay accepted. And this is where it gets good. Because once you figure this out and you start to integrate these truths and the lesson lands, the dynamic either shifts fast or it flat out fizzles. The game stops working on you. Either they lose interest or they escalate because the old hooks don't work. And you outgrow the environment entirely. Not because you fought back, but because you stopped feeding the pattern. So let's look at why bullies are kryptonite for people pleasers. Because it's important to name this clearly. People pleasers believe, often unconsciously, that if I can just get them to like me, this is gonna stop. So, what do you do? Well, you're gonna try harder, you're gonna soften your voice, you're gonna overfunction, maybe become hyper reasonable, be the easy breezy one, and offer grace instead of accountability. But bullies don't respond to effort, they respond to power dynamics, and the more you try to earn their approval, the more power you're handing over. So buckle up because here's the reframe that changes everything. You ready? It's not your job to be liked. Your job is to be anchored. Because the fact is that bullies lose their grip once you stop explaining, once you stop defending your character, once you stop volunteering emotional labor, and when you stop reacting in real time. Like when your response is neutral, it starves them. When you're clear and concise, they get confused. And your boundaries, they get bored. You don't need to become loud and you don't need to be pointy and sharp. You just need to become unavailable for the game. Let me tell you a story. There's a moment when a people pleaser realizes, oh, this isn't about me. And it's the moment that you stop asking, oh, what can I do differently? And the moment you start asking, why does this person need me to be small? That shift is electric because suddenly the criticism feels hollow. All of a sudden that sting goes away. The jabs feel predictable because you can see the bullet coming before it can hit you and it loses power. And that tension, it stops feeling personal and it starts to feel like a them problem. And when you see the pattern, instead of internalizing the message, you've put on your own armor of self-awareness and see the things for how they really are. Like the veil has been lifted. And once you see that pattern, you can't unsee it. And that's the moment the spell breaks. This makes me think of a time where I took a job at a pizza place when I first moved to France. Now at the time, I had over 20 years of experience in the service industry, sterling reputation for being great at what I do, and frankly, overqualified for this serving job, but I was new to the country and just wanted to get my feet wet and some Euros coming in, you know? So this was a job I could do with my eyes closed. But as any good conscientious employee, I wanted to do it well, and as any good people pleaser, wanted to be liked and seen and recognized. I mean, they won the jackpot, right? They hired somebody with mad skills, who didn't need a lot of direction or management, who's passionate about pizza. What's not to love? Well, these guys, well, they could have written a three-act play about things they didn't like about me, or at least that's how they acted. Now, I couldn't tell you if it was because I was an anglophone, an immigrant, or a woman, or maybe it was a cocktail of the three that pissed them off so much, but after four shifts, there was zero evidence that I could do anything right. I mean, they critiqued me for bringing a customer water before they ordered. We do that after they have ordered. It seemed like every single time I visited a table there was a comment or a side eye to go along with it. So every day I would walk home replaying the shift that just ended and scouring the playback to figure out how I could be more aligned with what they wanted. And then it dawned on me, why does this person need me small? They weren't looking for someone who knew their stuff or did a good job or made customers happy. They wanted someone to bully. They needed someone who bent to their need for authority and helped them feel in charge. And me showing up and doing my job essentially gave them nothing to do and no way to feel superior. And there lay the conflict. This wasn't about me or my skills at all. This was about me feeding an environment where success meant saying, I'm sorry, and staying small. And once I realized that, the game came to a screeching halt. So, needless to say, I politely declined their offer of employment and made the choice to go find success elsewhere. I took my ball and I went home. So let's look at some practical tools for navigating these poison people. It's time to get tactical. Here's five awesome things you can do. Number one, shorten your sentences. Keep it simple, less is more. Because over explaining invites negotiation. But clear cut statements, they end conversations. So instead of let me explain where I'm coming from with this 12-point PowerPoint presentation, let's maybe try, here's what I've decided. Boom. Number two, detach from being understood. Because understanding is not required for respect. You don't need buy-in to hold a boundary. Number three, regulate first, respond second. Think about ready, aim, fire. You just don't rock up and start shooting bullets everywhere. You have to ready yourself to aim and then fire. Because if your body is activated, do not engage. Pause. Ground yourself and then respond. Because remember, silence is not weakness, it's strategy, it's self-preservation and it's self-prioritization. Number four, choose dignity over victory. And this one is tricky and difficult for Capricorns or people who are competitive. Because you don't need the last word. What you need is your self-respect intact. And number five, anchor yourself to the bigger picture. Because after the meeting where you were made to feel two apples tall, or that email that's littered with passive-aggressive implications that you're lesser than, ask yourself, who am I becoming through this? What is this strengthening in me? Because that question shifts you from a victim to an architect. Now let's have a look at how to stay you without making yourself smaller. Because here's the part I really want you to hear. And I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Boundaries don't make you mean, they make you honest. So if you've been avoiding boundaries because you think you've had to be someone harsh in order to have a boundary or you're mean, I need you to listen up because you don't need to harden your heart. You don't need to lose your fuzzy warmth. And you don't need to become somebody else. You just need to stop leaking energy into people who feed on it like a buffet. So here's your permission slip. You are allowed to be kind and firm. You can be compassionate and unavailable. And you can be understanding and totally over it. Because your softness is not the problem. Your lack of protection was the problem, which is why we come here to learn. So if there's a poison person in your life right now, here's what I want you to remember. They are not a sign that you are failing. They're a sign that you're leveling up. They came to teach you something about power and worth and self-trust. And once you learn it, you won't need the lesson delivered in this way again. You don't need to prove yourself. You don't need to earn safety. And you don't need to make yourself smaller to keep the peace. Because the peace comes when you stop negotiating your place in the room. And friend, you already belong there. Alright, friend, let's land this. Here's the takeaway I want you putting in your pocket. Poison people, they ain't random. They show up to reveal where your power is leaking. Bullies, those bitches feed on effort, explanation, and emotional labor, not how strong you are. And the moment you stop trying to be like and start staying anchored, watch those dynamic changes. Because you don't need to harden your heart. You just need to stop negotiating your worth. Neutrality, clarity, and boundaries, they're not cold. They are liberating. So if this episode hit, here's your next move. I want you to share it with the friend who keeps doubting themselves around that one specific person. And for bonus mojo, leave a review so that more recovering people pleasers can find their way here. And if you're ready to go deeper, come hang out with me on Instagram or check those show notes for ways that we can work together. Because you don't need to become louder to be powerful. You just need to stay rooted. This has been Pocket Full of Mojo. Once again, I'm Steph, your Mojo Maven. And remember, your peace is not up for negotiation. That's it for me, my friends. Thank you for being here. Catch you next time. Ciao for now. Love you. Bye.
