Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Mojo Minute: Boundary Boot Camp
If your throat tightens when you ask for what you want, this conversation is your reset. We start by grounding with a mantra that reframes needs as information, not interruptions, then move into a practical framework for clear, kind boundaries that don’t require a ten-paragraph defense. The goal isn’t to become rigid; it’s to stop abandoning yourself and start speaking with steady honesty.
We break down the three rules of Boundary Boot Camp. First, get clear before you get brave: ask what you need, what you’re available for, and what you’re not available for. Second, drop the apology tour and use a concise script that honors your feelings and sets a clean expectation. Third, let the reaction be theirs—treat responses as data, not directives—and hold steady for 24 hours so you don’t walk back your progress during the guilt spike. Along the way, we talk about nervous system safety, why harmony often overrode honesty in our early wiring, and how clarity is the kindest form of communication.
You’ll leave with a one-sentence ask you can try this week, a calm way to deliver it, and a mindset that sees discomfort as part of growth rather than a danger signal. If you’ve ever feared being “too much,” this is the blueprint for taking up space without drama. Subscribe for more Mojo Minute tools, share this with a friend who needs boundary courage, and leave a review to tell us the one ask you’ll try first.
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Welcome to the Mojo Minute. This is the part of the podcast where we're gonna cut out the fluff, skip the spirals, and we're gonna get straight to the thing that actually changes your life. Today's Mojo Minute is a little boundary boot. And look but before you leave, if the idea of asking for what you want makes your throat tighten and your brain negotiate and your mouth auto-fill with apologies, yeah, you're in the right place. And look, this isn't about becoming cold, rigid, or that person's family. This is about learning how to speak your memes without abandoning yourself in the process. So for today's mojo minute, we're gonna start by getting grounded, and we're gonna visit the three rules of Boundary Boot Camp, and it's gonna help you step into your Boundary Boss era. And I'm gonna give you a little heads up as to how it's gonna feel and what to expect while you're navigating this essential self-care service that we call boundaries. So before we go any further, I wanna ground us with a mantra. We're gonna take a breath and let it land. My needs are not interrupted. They're important and they're information. Now, keep that closed because the version of you who can act clearly and calmly and without guilt, she's not louder, just more honest. Let's get into it. Hey, hey, hey! Okay, welcome to the mojo minute. It's clearly gonna be longer than a minute, but this is gonna be a new, shorter, punchier format, and it'll be branching off the main theme that you would have heard about last week and feed into what we're gonna be talking about next week. And this idea was kind of actually shout out to Kip. Mm-mm, my friend in the Seattle. She's amazing and such a big fan and supporter. And uh she came to me with when I used to do the mantra of the week, and I would deep dive on it. And she gave me the idea that that could be its own segment. So we're gonna blend the boundaries and the mantras, and we're just gonna we're gonna let it flow. We're gonna make it up as we go along because uh it's my podcast and I can do what I want. So, what it's gonna look like is every month you're gonna have a classic episode. There's gonna be a mojo minute, next week's episode's gonna be a bit of story time, and then I'm gonna work it up so that we're gonna have a special guest once a month, and there'll be a few months where there's like a bonus episode. Babe, we're in three season three. It's gonna be banging. We are just hitting our strides. So, with all that said, let's get into it for real for real. You came for the boundaries, so let's dive in. Because ultimately, what we want to do is we want to ask for what we want without the spiraling. So let's open with a mantra. Let's get grounded first, because this is where nervous systems soften and courage can show up because we're feeling safe, we're feeling anchored. So repeat it in your head, repeat it out loud. My needs are not interruptions, they're important and they're information. And let that land because they are your needs, no one else is responsible for them, and you do such a good job of caring for everyone else. Imagine if some of that energy was redirected back to you because you put yourself out there so much that people may not even know that you have needs. And do you know what your needs are? Because this is a key first step, and it's a tricky one for recovering people pleasers. Like you get someone's like puts a mic up to you and you feel like there's a spotlight on, and uh uh you're on stage without rehearsal, and you're just like, uh, I um mm, you know what? I uh I don't know. I don't know. And that thought right there might take your breath away that you don't know, but that's okay because you can start finding out. You don't have to not know forever because my needs are not interruptions, they are important and they are information. Because what are they interrupting really? Like, what exactly gives you the impression that you're a bother? Like, let's interrogate that reality for a second. Because that might be old wiring from when you were a kid, and as you continue to pull that thread, you're gonna find clues as to what your needs are and what your limiting beliefs have been that have kept your needs at bay this whole time. Because that's the good news here. You can flip it and reverse it. Because my needs are not interruptions, they're important and they're information. And look, this might all be new, you know, having needs, and that might make you feel, well, needy, you know. Uh but you don't need to listen to that voice because the second part of this mantra reminds you that they are important. Like if they're not important to you, how what makes you think they're gonna be important to anyone else? And that's the thing about boundaries. My needs are not interruptions, they're important and they're information. Boundaries teach the world how to love you. You are the teacher. And while you may be early days, maybe a bit new to the job, it's never, ever, ever too late to start or start over. Because you may not be the same person that you were the last time you stood for something. And if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. Sounds really good. Totally stole that from somewhere. My needs are not interruptions, they are important, and they are information. That's a good mantra right there. Oh man, boundaries, hey? And you know, a lot of people talk about boundaries, and the first thing that pops up is like being able to say no. No is a full sentence, right? And oh, that's all floating out there. And most people don't struggle with boundaries, they struggle with the emotional hangover that they expect after setting one. Like they don't even get to the boundary setting part. It's not like they try it and they fail. They don't even engage with the I like with the act of setting the boundary. Because they're not afraid of asking. They're afraid of being seen as too much or needy or difficult or selfish. But this is conditioning. It's not a character flaw. So if you pay attention and you find out that asking for what you want feels dangerous, that's just your nervous system that learned that harmony mattered more than honesty. It's that's the the conflict, that's the resistance that's happening in your body between what you need and what you've been told. So there's a few things that can help us get on track. At the top, I promise three rules that are gonna help you out. So let's get into it. Because this may just be a mojo minute, but she's still gonna be practical. So boundary bouquet rule number one, get clear before you get brave. A lot of people stumble because they're like, I don't have confidence, I don't feel strong enough, I'm not assertive. That's because you don't know what you're talking about. It's important to get clear because the more you really dig into what do I want and let that be the first question, then you get all this data and information and you start thinking about it. What's it gonna feel like, what it's gonna look like. Because we get worried about the asking, but you can't ask for what you want if you don't know what you want. And you're gonna find out that boundaries fail when they're vague and emotional or rushed. So a little self-check you do before speaking. What do I need? What am I available for? And what am I not available for? Because Clarity, she's chic. She is confidence's quieter cousin, but a must at every party. Okay, boundary boot camp rule number two. Ask without the apology tour. Please. Pretty please. People don't care. And this is really hard for people, pleasers. Like this is where we fold. And I call this out with love, but this over-explaining that we do, it's a trauma response. It's not you being polite. You're not in front of a judge and jury. And sometimes you get on a run, and then apologies really dilute the message and things get confusing, and you know, it it just stop. So a quick formula that you can memorize to replace the blah blah blah. I feel fill in the blank. I need, I'm asking for moving forward. Here's how it's gonna go. I know I've done this in the past, but from here on out, this is what it looks like. Like I've noticed that I feel stretched when plans change at the last minute. I need more notice moving forward. No justification, no essay. Full stop. There's no yelling, nobody has to throw anything. But you've expressed and honored how you feel. And you leave room for them to meet you where you are. Which takes us to boundary boot camp rule number three. Let the reaction be theirs. Not to be confused with let them, okay? Stay with me. A boundary isn't a request for approval, okay? You're not asking for them to be okay with it. It is a statement. And whatever discomfort you think they have, it doesn't mean that you did it wrong. And until they tell you they're uncomfortable, they may not be uncomfortable. And whatever emotional reaction they have, that is data. It is not a directive. And if your boundary counts only if everybody's happy, then it's not a boundary. It's a performance. That makes my old programming very uncomfortable. So if you feel that way too, hang in there and keep going. Because just like one of my favorite phrases, this too shall pass. And on the other side is a boundary. Everybody else gets to stay in their lane because you're locked in on what you need. Because you did what? Number one, which is get clear. Number two, you ditched the apologies so you were clear and concise and direct without being rude or jerk about it. Because you're cute like that. And then rule number three, they got to do their thing. Right? Because you were standing firm in what you were doing for you. So how's this gonna feel? Sorry. Not great. There might be some guilt that pops up. You'll be running it through your head, maybe ruminating and second guessing, you know, and just be like, oh, but you know, whatever, it's cool. It's it's fine, whatever, it's it's okay. Or even just fantasizing about walking it back. This isn't regret. This is withdrawal from that practiced self-abandonment that you got super good at. But hold the line, breathe. Do nothing about it for 24 hours. You said what you said. Okay, period. So here's what I want you to remember setting boundaries isn't about controlling outcomes. It's about choosing self-respect, even when your nervous system would rather keep the peace. So if you felt a little bit of guilt while you're listening to this, that doesn't mean this isn't for you. It means you're learning something new. And new skills, bitch, they always feel awkward before they feel natural. We forget that because we're grown-ups and we're supposed to be good at everything. But you're doing something for the first time. So this week, number one, don't over all your life, don't burn everything to the ground. Just practice one clear ask. One sentence, no apologies to her, no overexplaining. And then when that discomfort shows up, you're I'm gonna be there saying, like, I told you so. And you can just remind yourself that discomfort isn't danger, clarity is kind, and that you're allowed to take up space in your own life. And that, my friends, is the mojo minute. Trying to keep it tight, trying to give you the goods and a nice concentrated, delicious little bite. So, until next time, I'm in your corner rooting for you to set that boundary and practice what it feels like to really show up for yourself. And just try it one day. And if you fuck up, guess what? Try again tomorrow or maybe later, or just become more aware that this is something that you're working on and give yourself your flowers for that because this is what we're here to do. We are here to serve and we are here to experience. So I hope this takes you one step closer to getting to know the real you and has unlocked just a little bit of mojo that you can put in your pocket and take with you out into the world. We need you just as you are. That's it for me. This has been Steph your mojo maven, telling you to stay fabulous. Love yourself, love each other. Ciao for now. Love you, bye.
