Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Identity, Interrupted
If you’ve been feeling like your identity packed a bag and slipped out the back door, this conversation offers a gentler truth: you’re not lost—you’re layered. We talk about how people pleasing, stacked roles, and cultural noise dim your inner signal, and how a few honest steps can move you from low battery mode to full brightness. Instead of promising reinvention, we build a path to reunion with the self you’ve been all along.
We start by naming the hidden costs of being the reliable one, the peacekeeper, the steady hand. When life gets too loud, the loudest demands replace your inner voice, and your choices default to what keeps the peace. Through a vivid story about a mom pausing at a coffee counter when asked for her name, we see how identity erosion looks and how the smallest spark—a name spoken, a shoulder unclenched—can bring you back into focus.
From there, we get practical. You’ll learn to use micro-questions that bypass overwhelm: What feels good today? What do I miss? What did younger me love? What would I choose if no one had an opinion? You’ll hear why one daily choice that’s just for you rebuilds self-trust fast, and how letting your preferences exist out loud—without a thesis-length explanation—restores integrity. We close with a simple but powerful compass: track energy, not vibes. Notice what drains you and what lights you up; those patterns quietly outline who you are and who you are not.
Walk away with language to resist self-abandonment, tools to create quiet, and a map for recognizing yourself in the mirror again. If this resonated, share it with a friend who needs the reminder, subscribe for more weekly mojo, and leave a review so we can keep this glow-up going.
More Mojo:
Daily Mojo:
Mojo Website:
Music from #Uppbeat
https://uppbeat.io/t/mountaineer/run-away
Hey gorgeous, welcome back to Pocket Full of Mojo, the show, where we remind you that yeah, you are the moment, even if you temporarily feel like the supporting character in your own life. I'm Steph. I'm your mojo maven and living example of how to come home to yourself. And I'm glad you're here because today's episode is for every single person who has ever said, Ugh, I feel lost, or I don't even know who I am anymore. Or I used to be fun. Or my personal favorite, I swear my identity packed a bag and left without forwarding its mail. But this, this is where we breathe. We relax our shoulders, unclench that jaw, and babe, today we are going to spend some time having a good hard look at where we're at, how we got here, and how to get where we're going. But this time we're gonna do it with some intention and some grace. We're gonna get back to who we've been all along. But maybe we've just drifted a bit. So I've got you. So let's get into it and get tuned in, tapped in, and turned on. All right, my friend. I'm about to tell you something that will change the way you think about yourself forever. You are not lost. In your identity, it's not gone, and you didn't misplace yourself like a rogue airpod. You're simply waiting, paused, parked, maybe even buried under expectations or roles or responsibilities or everyone else's needs. But the real you, yeah, she's not missing. She's at the door with a little welcome home sign, like finally, I've been calling you. And this isn't an identity crisis, this is an identity reunion. Let's get into it. Let's talk about where that lost feeling actually comes from. Because here's the truth: nobody tells you. Most people don't lose themselves, they abandon themselves in tiny, very socially acceptable ways over time. Like, here's a story for you. I once asked a woman what she liked to do for fun. And she looked at me like I just asked her to explain quantum physics. She was like, fun, like like for me. And that right there is the people pleasers identity crisis. When you've spent so long living as who everyone needs you to be, you forget who you are allowed to be. And these are all just little micro moments, and we lose ourselves in these cracks and these little energy leaks that are dressed up as being helpful or being nice. It's just sort of changing you and your whole experience. So when we're stuck between being our truest selves and being helpful, being liked, being reliable, being needed, being the strong one, being the peacekeeper, being the adult in the room, yeah, little by little you're gonna be trading your identity for your usefulness. And then one day you're gonna look up and think, wait, where did I go? But here's the good news: you didn't vanish, you just drifted. And drifting is reversible. Now we're gonna talk about the people pleaser identity blackout. Because your identity gets cloudy when you live your life like a full-time customer service representative for everyone else's needs. And I say this from a very takes one to no-one kind of place. So this mark might sting a little, but I'm doing it with love. Because people pleasers, we don't lose ourselves, we silence ourselves. Because being the easy breezy one is like easier, right? Because being low maintenance gets you that approval. Because saying, I'm fine, it's just way faster than unpacking the truth. Because honoring who you really are feels way scarier than performing who you think you're supposed to be. But I'm here to tell you, identity, it doesn't disappear. It just dims. But dimming isn't the same as dying. You're not lost. You've just been living on like low battery mode. The brightness on your screen has just been put to such a low point that you can hardly see what's there. The volume on what's true to you is so low that you can barely hear it. It's like setting an alarm and then leaving it on mute. It can't serve you if you're busy caring for everything outside yourself. So let's get to the bottom of it. Let's talk roles. Because my friend, the roles that you take on will swallow you whole if you're not careful. Like parent, partner, business owner, friend, leader, caretaker, the nice one, the organized one, the one who keeps everything from falling apart. Imagine carrying each of those roles as if they were weighted blankets. And then suddenly you are underneath all that, like, uh, hello, anybody? So the takeaway in this analogy is that your identity didn't leave. It just got crowded out by responsibility. Now, a powerful truth is that it's not that you don't know who you are, it's that you haven't had a quiet moment to actually hear yourself in probably years. And here's another thing nobody tells you your identity didn't disappear. It didn't fall off somewhere between burnout and people pleasing and being there for everybody. It didn't evaporate because you made a few detours. It didn't pack a bag and move out. Your identity is still in you. She just whispering. And the whisper got drowned out by the noise. The noise of expectations, the noise of constantly reacting, the noise of caretaking, performing, hustling, managing everyone else's emotions like it's your unpaid full-time job, the noise of a culture that rewards self-abandonment and calls it being a good person. So of course you can't hear yourself. You're not broken, you're overstimulated, and you're not lost, you're overloaded, and you're not confused, you're just crowded. And what happens when life gets too loud? You stop being guided by your inner voice. And you start being guided by whatever is yelling the loudest, like deadlines or demands or text messages or family expectations. Maybe it's work chaos or social pressure or just the pile of everyone else's needs. So your identity didn't get erased, it got interrupted. And here's the part that matters the moment that you slow down, even for 30 seconds, you'll hear it again. That tiny, oh, this feels right. That subtle, mmm, not this. Or maybe that quiet, oh, I've missed this, that soft nudge towards joy, rest, creativity, connection, truth. Your identity lives in those cues. And when you finally create that moment of quiet, even a crack of stillness, your real self rushes forward, like, oh hey, I've been here the whole time. Thank you for finally putting down the emotional megaphone. And that is why you don't need reinvention. You need a reunion, a chance to meet yourself again without all the noise. And here's what happens when you do you feel clarity and not that confusion. Your decisions are gonna get easier because you're listening to you and not the crowd. And you're gonna feel less guilty for wanting things because they finally make sense. You're gonna stop over-explaining because your truth, man, feels solid. And you're gonna start recognizing yourself in the mirror again. Not the version who performs, but the version who leads. And my friend, that is when everything changes. Not because you became someone new, but because you finally gave yourself the space to hear the person that you've been all along. Let me tell you about a moment that this hit me. So I was in line at a Starbucks behind a woman who had toddl climbing up her like a jungle gym. My waking nightmare. Anyway, she ordered her coffee, paid, and then the barista asked the most harmless question, what name should I put on the cup? And she froze, like she legit paused. She had so much going on in her own head and in her own life that she had to legit think about who she was. Then she said her name in this like tiny apologetic tone, like she was inconveniencing the cup or somehow unworthy of being called by her own name. And I swear I almost hugged her because that is what identity erosion will look like. When even your name feels unfamiliar because you haven't used it for yourself in ages. Like I'm sure there was a fraction of a second there where she thought her name was mom. But what was so cool is I quietly observed this superwoman reigning in her very active three children who were not interested at all in waiting for this woman's beverage to come out. But when it did come out and her name got called, oh, she lit up like the tiniest little spark, but I saw her shoulders drop and she remembered why she was there for like two seconds. And that's all it takes. Just that one tiny spark, one tiny moment where you see yourself again. And with this woman, you could tell that this was a special treat. It was a small act of kindness for all that she does, and she was doing it for herself, and that's how you know it's the right stuff when you do something, big or small, that brings you home to you. Because your identity doesn't need an entire rescue mission, it just needs a little recognition. So let's get practical. Let's have a look at how you can start reconnecting with your identity. First thing you want to do is you're gonna start asking yourself some micro questions. Do not start with, who am I? All right, we're not writing a PhD thesis for a philosophy major. Let's try something a little more manageable, okay? Like when I was rebuilding and remembering myself in the early days, I can remember feeling lost and unseen and adrift, but I was really committed to getting back on track. So here's a few thought starters that I would use to journal. And I can tell you that with every word, it brought me home to myself. And you can start by asking yourself these questions and then just see where it takes you. Like try starting out with what feels good today? Like just bring yourself right back to the moment. And then tune in with yourself and say, what am I craving? And what do I miss? What have I pushed off of my plate that I wish would come back? And if you're still getting question marks, dig into the past. What did younger me love? What did you love to do when you were little or when you were in high school or even like 10 years ago? And what would you choose if no one else had an opinion and money didn't matter? And just start pulling those threads. Because when you follow those tiny pulls instead of forcing the big answers, so much can be revealed. Like your identity isn't gonna reappear like in a lightning strike moment. It's gonna return through small little nudges. The things that you feel drawn to for, you know, no logical reason, whether it's a color, a song, a hobby, a smell, a memory, a craving. Those weird little like, why do I want this moments? These are breadcrumbs. So here's what you can expect because at first it'll feel silly, like, why am I suddenly obsessed with green? Or how come I all I want to do is paint? Or going for walks at eight o'clock. Just don't overthink it. Because your identity will never feel like pressure. It's gonna feel like curiosity. So follow those polls, and you're going to uncover old desires that you forgot even mattered. The second thing you're gonna do is you're gonna do something just for you. Not productivity, not because it's efficient, not because it makes somebody else comfortable. You're gonna do it for you. So make that your goal this week. Make one decision that's just for you. Because the insight here is that rebuilding identity equals rebuilding trust with yourself. And the key here is that these aren't big decisions, no life decisions, just one choice a day that's not influenced by anyone else's expectations. Because at first you're going to want to justify every choice, and then you're gonna catch yourself saying, Wait, do do I even want this? And that moment is huge. Because within a few weeks, you're gonna have a stronger connection to what you like, what you want, what you need, what you crave, and even what you prefer. And that is your identity stepping back into the frame. Which takes us to number three. Let your preferences exist out loud. Because you don't have to be agreeable, and you don't have to be easy, and you don't have to be that person that says, whatever works for you, say what you want, even in tiny ways. And heads up, because part of your identity coming home to you, well, that's gonna look like change. And people pleasers struggle with this because change without explanation feels kind of selfish, right? But stepping into this true identity, it doesn't have to come with a thesis statement. So you can expect that your brain is gonna try and overexplain. Like, should I tell people why I'm doing this? Should I clear it with somebody? No, just let yourself evolve quietly. Your identity doesn't require a committee meeting. Which takes us to number four. Stop outsourcing your identity to the roles you play. You are not only a parent, you're not only a business owner, you're not only the helper, the caretaker. Those are things that you do. It's not who you are. So let this be an invitation to set a new standard for how you treat yourself. Because identity can't thrive where there's self-neglect. If you treat yourself like an afterthought, your identity is gonna act like one. But when you upgrade how you speak to yourself, how you care for yourself, how you honor yourself, your identity is gonna show up fast. So here's what you can expect. You're gonna have other people comment, like, hmm, you seem different. Hey, you're more confident. Ooh, you're glowing. And that, my friends, is called alignment because you're becoming recognizable to yourself again. So that's what you're putting out in the world. Isn't that amazing? Because the whole idea here is to rebuild your life around what energizes you, your identity is hiding under what lights you up. Go there and pay attention to what exhausts you like, identity will always reveal itself through energy, not vibes, measurable energy. The things that drain you are pointing to who you are not, and the things that energize you, even if they're small, point directly to who you are. So do not wait for the big revelation. And it might feel as tiny as like, oh, I feel more like myself when I'm reading in the morning, or I feel completely dead inside after being around that one friend. Take notes because your identity, it's in those patterns. Because the real you is not lost, and they are patient. So listen to me when I say that you don't need to search for yourself. You need to create space to return to yourself. Because your identity has been quietly waiting in the same spot since the last time you checked in with them. And they're not mad, they're not disappointed, they're not rolling their eyes like, ugh, finally you show up. They're like, oh hey, babe, I'm keeping the light on for you. And every version that you've ever been is sitting there with open arms, ready to be integrated. And you're not meeting someone new, you're remembering someone familiar. All right, bestie, let's lend this plane with the truth bomb. You are not lost, you are laired. And you are overdue for a reunion with the real you. So this week I want you to do one thing that feels like home to your soul. One tiny moment where you choose you, your desires, your preferences, your spark. Because the moment that you start choosing yourself again, your identity stops whispering and starts coming back to full volume. And I'm so damn proud of you for even being here and doing this work and asking these questions. Because this isn't an identity crisis, my friend. It is an identity glow-up. Oh, and one last thing before I go. I want you to check the link in the show notes to get yourself signed up for the weekly Mojo magazine. That's right, mojo, straight to your inbox. It's an email that you're actually happy to open. Yeah, those exist. It's coming from me. And you're gonna want to open it because it's gonna make you feel better every time you do. And as a special treat, there's a brand new People Pleaser cheat sheet that's available full-free because I love you. And it's for everyone who signs up. And this cheat sheet includes things like what to say when you want to hold your boundaries, or how to get yourself out of the yes when you meant to say no. And there's these like little 60-second resets for your nervous system. And for you, free. Nope. So go check it out immediately. It is a mojo must-have. Alright, love. Go find yourself where you left yourself. I love you. I'm proud of you. Now go out into the world and show up with your new glow-up. I'll see you there. Mojo out. Today's episode of Pocket Full of Mojo is brought to you by Mojo Gummies. Because modern life demands a lot from us. So they created Mojo to find clarity among the chaos. Based on more than 10 years of functional mushroom research, Mojo is bursting with aptigens and their unique nootropic blend, introducing a flow state that mirrors a microdose. And a gummy that heightens your cognition? Well, that's just juicy. So if you're looking for a brain boost, help with your productivity, mental clarity, or just more energy and focus, head to the show notes and grab your 15% off coupon for Mojo Gummies, a microdose for modern life.
