Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Why is Receiving So Hard? A Love Letter to Over-Givers
Let's play a little game of "WHAT IF?"
What if your nervous system isn’t scared of compliments because you’re ungrateful, but because it learned that safety lives in overgiving? In this episode we get real about why receiving feels awkward for people pleasers and breaks down how to flip the script with warmth, humour, and brain-savvy tools you can use today.
Cuz why wait for good things to happen? We want it NOW!
We start by untangling worthiness from performance. If childhood taught you that value equals usefulness, praise and support can feel like a threat. Steph explains the brain’s love of familiarity over happiness and how that bias fuels the urge to deflect, downplay, and distract. Then we pivot to action: the two-second pause to interrupt auto-deflection, a simple gratitude script—“Thank you, that means a lot”—and micro-receiving reps that build new neural pathways through repetition and grace. Along the way, you’ll hear why receiving is an act of courage and connection, not ego; it lets others experience the joy of giving while you practice being seen without hustling.
Together we anchor a new identity with a mantra: receiving is pleasure, not pressure. You’ll learn how to calm the body when discomfort hits, how to stack small wins that shift your self-image, and how to link receiving with intrinsic self-worth. The result is practical and deeply human: steadier energy, healthier relationships, stronger boundaries, and the confidence to let good things land. If you’re ready to stop swatting away kindness and start welcoming praise, help, and love with ease, this is your playbook.
Subscribe for more mojo, share this with a friend who needs permission to receive, and leave a review telling us which tool you’ll try first. Your support helps this community grow—and helps more people learn to let goodness in.
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And hello, gorgeous. Welcome back to Pocket Full of Mojo, where your sparkle gets a tune-up and your soul gets a peptop. And we tune in here to ditch the burnout, level up on self-love, and back away from all things people pleasing so we can live a life we love and love the life we're living. I'm Steph, your mojo maven, and today, oh my friend, we are going there because you know I know you, I see you. Your miss, I got it. Your miss, no, no, no, you don't have to do that. Your miss, I'll just handle it. You are a gold medal-winning Olympic level giver. Sometimes you even give what you don't even have. But the second that someone tries to pour into you, suddenly your nervous system is like panic, alert, unknown act of kindness detected. So today we're talking about that deep, sneaky, oh so familiar struggle. We're going to learn how to receive without guilt, without deflection, or breaking into a stress sweat. So you can put down the extra strength anti-perspirant and get good at things like receiving compliments and flowers and kudos. And yes, this is absolutely connected to worthiness, self-image, and that people please are wiring, you're working so hard to unlearn. By the end of the episode, you're gonna feel lighter, more powerful, and dare I say, ready to let life love on you for once. So, are you tuned in, tapped in, turned on? Then let's do that. Alright, my spicy little muffin, I'm kicking down the door, and we're gonna start with a spicy little truth bomb. Because receiving isn't the problem. Your sense of worth is. And most people pleasers didn't learn to receive. We learned to earn. We learned to overgive and overperform and over-prove. And receiving, well, that felt dangerous and unfamiliar and exposed. Like someone was going to notice that we were, you know, human after all. And here's the kicker: your brain literally formed pathways around this. When you grew up being rewarded for being the helper, the strong one, the reliable one, your brain linked being valuable with being useful. So when someone compliments you or offers support or even buys you a coffee, your brain's old wiring goes, Nope, you didn't earn this abort mission. And then you do what you do best. Deflect, dismiss, downplay, and distract. But babe, receiving isn't about what you earn. It's about what you're worthy of. And your worth, it's intrinsic, it's built in, it's non-negotiable, it's permanent like a tattoo from 2006. Now, the rub here is that your sense of self-worth is basically the internal story that you learned to believe about yourself, often long before you even realize that these stories could be questioned and molded. And what no one tells us is that self-worth is shaped through early experiences, like how you were spoken to, how you were treated, what was praised, what was ignored, and what you had to do to feel safe or valued. Now, over time, those moments bake themselves into your identity and it quietly teaches you whether you're enough, whether you're lovable, and whether you're allowed to take up space. Now listen up, because here's the game changer because awareness lets you step outside of that old programming. It's that easy. And the second that you start noticing your patterns, like why you minimize your needs, why compliments make you squirm, why you overgive, boom, you've created the power to rewrite them. Awareness is the doorway. It helps you challenge your assumptions you didn't even know that you were carrying and rebuild a sense of worth based on your truth, not childhood conditioning or survival mode habits. You're not that kid anymore. You're not what other people think or say about you. You're you. So the positive headline here is that self-worth isn't set in stone, it's updated every single time that you choose yourself on purpose. How cool is that? So just to repeat something super important, your worth, whether you choose to believe it or not, is built in. No purchase necessary, no one is keeping score of your actions, and your worthiness for good things is not some kind of calculation, no ma'am. Worthiness doesn't work that way. You are worthy. Period. Now, self-worth is the story that you tell yourself, and no one is going to edit that story, so why not, you know, as a lark, start writing the story that you are worthy, that you are amazing, that you are deserving of good things and good people and good moments. Huh. Imagine that. You get to write the terms and conditions, especially if the ones written for you in childhood are impacting your ability to receive goodness in your life. So now you're asking, well, then why does it feel so goddamn awful when those good things come to find you? Well, let's have a look at that very thing. Why does receiving feel so awkward? Well, let's nerd out for a sec. Here's what we know your brain loves familiarity more than it loves happiness. I know, right? Like, come on, brain, help assist her out. Because, like, we know that it prefers what's known, even if what's known isn't good. Again, why the sabotage, brain? So, if for you, like for me, the familiar thing is to be a giver, being the one who holds the emotional backpack for everyone, being the one who keeps the waters calm and the vibes in check, then receiving can register as a threat. And your amygdala goes, alert, alert, someone is trying to care for you. That is not what we do. But here's the good news neurons that fire together wire together. You can literally retrain your brain to receive without panic. Slow, small, repetitive moments of letting goodness create a new neural pathway is the way. Because receiving isn't a personality trait, it's a skill. And as we know, skills can be learned. Like whenever you're trying to rewire that old brain of yours, repetition is key. Celebration is essential, and grace is the secret ingredient. This may take some time, but one foot in front of the other, you can step into your grateful with grace era and redefine your self-worth one little thank you at a time. Let me tell you a story. A few years ago, someone complimented my work. They said, Steph, this is incredible. You changed the way I think. Wow, amazing, right? And what did I do? Did I say thank you? Did I let it land? Nope. I launched into a TED talk on why it wasn't that big of a deal. They literally stopped me mid-ramble and just said, Why won't you just let yourself be celebrated? Oof. Like, ma'am, please, it's brunch. Why are you attacking me with such accuracy? But that moment changed me. It hit me that my inability to receive was actually robbing me of connection and robbing them of the joy of giving. Because as a giver, I know giving is also a gift. But receiving receiving is an act of courage. It's an act of confidence. And receiving is an act of courage and confidence because it requires you to stand still and open up and let yourself be seen without performing or fixing or offering anything in return. Yeesh, right? Like for a people pleaser, that can feel like stepping onto a stage under a spotlight with no script completely exposed. It feels vulnerable and fragile. It means allowing someone else's care, support, or appreciation to land without shrinking or deflecting or apologizing. You know, the trifecta of people pleaser go-to moves. You know the ones. Receiving means trusting that you're worthy of good things without earning them. And that alone for a people pleaser can be disorienting. But just at first, you're safe. Keep going. I remember when I first started putting this into practice, I was facilitating leadership workshops with Starbucks, and I would find myself having to navigate something that my people pleaser heart always yearned for, but wasn't in the habit of receiving. And that was praise. Like at the end of the workshop, participants would come up to me and thank me and tell me what a good job I did and share how impactful it was. And I had this habit of always making it about them. Or if a colleague or a boss would audit my workshop and give me positive feedback, I would immediately refocus the conversation on the part that I'd flubbed or the thing that I could have done better. And I was so hard on myself, just as someone was trying to give me flowers for a job well done. So there I was, actively derailing the flow of positive, genuine, constructive feedback, all because I was, what, uncomfortable? But underneath that, I was just really inexperienced at receiving praise. And I was shy to accept it because I feared being pompous or high on myself. And I remember the courage I needed to summon the very first time that someone came to me with praise and I practiced. I just looked them in the eye and I smiled and I said, thank you. That means a lot. And courage for a people pleaser can be some heavy lifting. Like in the moment, it feels impossible to respond any other way than to bashfully deflect the compliment or help that's being offered. But to put it simply, it just looks like saying thank you instead of oh, you don't have to, or oh, that was nothing. It looks like letting someone help without immediately repaying the favor or carrying that generous act around like a debt. It looks like taking the compliment instead of volleying it back with, no, you're the best. In fact, someone once told me the best way to receive a compliment. And sometimes when I'm feeling sassy and I got my confidence in check, and someone compliments me, now I just say, thank you. It's true. The audacity, I know. People pleaser stuff could never because receiving truly looks like taking up some emotional space without guilt. That's the secret sauce. It's choosing to believe that receiving isn't selfish or greedy. It's a sign of self-respect. And every time you let yourself receive, even in tiny ways, you're quietly declaring, I deserve to be poured into. And when we talk about filling your cup, you don't have to take that workload on all by yourself. Giving yourself permission to receive allows you to benefit from the gifts, the talents, the energy, the attention that other people have and want to give to you. And that can help keep your cup full and your relationships healthy and strong and your energy topped up and your mojo engaged. Receiving doesn't sound so scary now, does it? So let's get practical, shall we? Let's have a look at how to actually learn how to receive. Now, before we dive into the actual tools, let's set the vibe. Because learning to receive isn't just a mindset shift, it's a full-on nervous system makeover. And we do love a glow-up. Now, this is where the theory meets the real world. Because knowing why receiving is hard is one thing, but learning how to let goodness in without spiraling into guilt, panic, or I'll just do it myself mode, that's the magic. So this next section is your step-by-step guide to retraining your brain, rewiring old patterns, and building the kind of confidence that shows up in tiny everyday choices. Think of it like your receiving rewire toolkit. Simple, practical, repeatable actions that help you become the person who not only gives beautifully, and we know you're the master in that, but receives with ease and grace and zero apology. Doesn't that sound lovely? Let's get into it. So, number one, we've got a two-second rule. When someone gives you something, a compliment, help, a free coffee, some kind of support, you're gonna smile, you're gonna pause for two seconds before responding. Because what this does is it interrupts your auto-deflect reflex and it lets your brain register the experience. Now, if you're just starting to become aware of your instinct to refuse help or compliments, there's gonna be this whole bunch of discomfort for those two little seconds. But in two seconds, it'll pass. I promise. So take that two seconds to smile, get your shoulders away from your ears. I said drop them and take a breath. We're going to replace that urge to deflect in step two, which is replace that deflection with a simple script. Find your go-to. Because we used to say, oh no, it was nothing. Oh, this top? Oh, I only paid for five dollars for it. Buy me a coffee. It's not my birthday. Try something crazy. Try something like, thank you. That means a lot. Boom. No justification, no returning the compliment, no explanation. Just let it land. First couple of times might feel a little awkward, but shift your attention to the person giving. Notice how they light up when they see your appreciation. And if you look back on previous attempts on receiving, the ones where you swatted their generosity away like a mosquito, their body language may have slumped or the sparkle left their eye when you seemingly refused their kind act. And when you shift into receiving with gratitude, this is the part where giving becomes a reciprocal activity. It's win-win, all from simply saying thank you. And now that this is in your awareness, you get to number three. Practice that micro receiving. Just start small. Let someone hold the door for you. Accept a compliment. Let someone buy the coffee. Say yes when help is offered. Or even gulp and asking for tiny forms of support. These tiny reps build those new neural pathways. And micro receiving is pretty much the best. It's gentle, it's everyday, and it's letting the goodness in through small, low stakes moments. It's like strength training for your nervous system. You want to start light so that you can build capacity over time. And for people pleasers, micro receiving looks like saying thank you with a smile when someone holds the door. Because it's nice when people do nice things. Or accepting a compliment without batting it back or downplaying your part. Let that friend grab the bill or go out and ask for tiny bits of help without spiraling into guilt. These moments may seem small, but they're powerful reps because each one of them teaches your brain, I can be supported, I can be cared for, I'm safe when I'm receiving. And slowly these micro moments stack on top of each other into this new identity, and they weave themselves into your self-image. That you are someone who doesn't just give endlessly, but receives with confidence, gratitude, and ease. And for my Gen Xers out there, don't get it twisted. I know this feels weird. You're not broken. But a lot of us were taught to receive twice a year. We get things on our birthday, things at Christmas. Period. Wanting things outside those dates is greedy and needy and selfish. Yeah, that's the old record. We're grown-ups now. We are president of doing whatever we want. And now we're streaming a new song. And this one puts energy and confidence back in your cup. Now it's time to call out the obvious. This is the part where we tap into our awareness, notice the discomfort, and this time we don't run from it. Your chest tightens, you feel exposed, breathe. Name it, feel it. Say, this is my nervous system learning safety. That's all. Remember, your brain wants familiarity. It's not chasing happiness like you want it to. So those little signal flares that it's sending up, it thinks that different means danger. So just check your surroundings. And if nothing's on fire, then simply say, This is my nervous system, learning that receiving is safe. And I'm worthy, damn it. Which takes us to number five. Connect receiving with worthiness. Repeat after me, but letting good things in doesn't make me needy. It makes me human. And I'm here for it. Because receiving isn't weakness, it's self-respect. And every time you receive, you are reinforcing I am worthy of good things without earning them. When we connect receiving with worthiness, there's a real transformation that happens because this is the part that goes deeper than the habits. It hits at identity. When you struggle to receive, what you're actually bumping up against is the belief that you have to earn everything. Love, support, ease, kindness, praise. So when someone offers you something freely, it clashes with that current narrative that says, I only deserve good things if I've worked for them. But that's bullshit. Receiving is you standing still, allowing goodness to reach you without performance, without perfection, or the need for repayment. Not everything is a transaction. And when you mindfully receive with arms wide open, wide and love in your heart, you are choosing to believe that your existence, not your output, is enough reason to be cared for. What a fucking powerful thing that is, let me tell you. And when you let something land, a compliment or help or generosity, you're not just accepting the moment, you're reinforcing a new truth. I am worthy of being supported just as I am, right here, right now, in this moment in time. And I'm willing to accept that. And every time you receive, you're rewiring that old wiring, proving to your brain that worthiness isn't conditional, it's inherent. You don't earn it, you embody it. Letting in support becomes an act of self-respect, a practice of self-love, a living declaration of your value. And we know the brain loves evidence, so start stacking. Say it with me. Receiving is pleasure, not pressure. I soak it up guilt-free. This is gonna be our mantra when it comes to receiving. I let it in. I am worthy of receiving. And when we repeat this daily, when we repeat it until our nervous system stops panicking, we can repeat it while looking at our sexy selves in that mirror. Repeat it until you believe it. Receiving is a pleasure, not pressure. I soak it up guilt-free. Because a belief is just a thought that we think over and over again. And you're in charge of data entry. So we say receiving is a pleasure, not pressure. And I soak it up guilt-free. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Receiving is a pleasure, not pressure. I soak it up guilt-free. And while you're repeating this, think about the things that feel like pleasure. Tap into how it feels when you feel good. You're training your brain to associate receiving with pleasure. And by reminding yourself that there is no pressure attached to receiving, it reinforms your brain that you're not on the hook for follow-up that involves anything more than a heartfelt thank you. Because receiving is pleasure, not pressure. I soak it up guilt free. Yes, queen, soak that shit up. Give yourself a freaking break for two seconds and bask. Bask in the glow of feeling good for the sake of feeling good. Because what, you have too much good going on? No, I didn't think so. Because there's no such thing. So this is the part where you can carve out some space in your world to make room for things that make you feel good. Receiving is pleasure, not pressure. I soak it up guilt-free. And that, that right there, can you feel that? That tiny spark inside you that just flared a little brighter. That's the part of you remembering that receiving isn't a threat, it's a delight. It's pleasure, not pressure. Every time you let yourself soak up kindness and support and love, and you do it guilt-free, you're not just practicing a skill. You're reclaiming your birthright to feel good. You're sending a bold, beautiful message to the world. I'm worthy. I'm open. I'm ready. And the best part is the more you receive, the more the universe, life, and the people around you have permission to pour in even more. So go on, love. Step out, arms wide open, literally, metaphorically, whatever, and just let the good blessings flood in. You deserve it all. And then some. And you'll know that you're doing it right when you start to notice all the wonderful things that start to find you. The more you engage with this practice, the more you become a magnet for people, ideas, support, and things that raise you up and put the wind at your back. And around here, we call that mojo. So, lovely listener, listen up. Learning to receive isn't about being spoiled or selfish. It's about letting the universe, your people, your opportunities, and you love you back. Here's your reminder: you're not too much. You are not a burden. You don't have to earn your joy. You don't have to hustle for your worth. You are allowed to receive. Just as you are. Thank you so much for spending this time with me. And if this episode made your heart exhale even just a little, share it with someone who needs permission to receive too. And if you're new around these parts, I'd love to invite you to take a spin through the show notes and take a minute to find out all the ways you can give your mojo a little bump between episodes. You've got me on the Instagram, there's a quiz that'll meet you where you're at and help guide you to where to get started if you want to level up your mojo. And if you're ready to really move the needle, I've got a seven-day mojo makeover challenge that doesn't add to your plate, it simply helps you picture what your life would be like if you found yourself more at the top of the priority list. I know, what a concept. You should check it out. And if you're looking for a delicious, natural, effective way to cure that brain fog, boost your energy, and level up your productivity with mental clarity and focus, I got you. Grab 15% off today with a special link right there in the show notes where you can get your very own mojo gummies. Made with lion's mane, cordyceps, ginseng, and all the plant-based goodness, these mojo gummies have yo back. No crash, no jitters, just laser focus and mental clarity. It's shown to produce similar results to Adderall, so for my neurospicy friends out there, this could be the game changer that you're looking for. You know, my friend, Mojo Mastery is just getting started, and you're the smarty pants that's here on the ground floor. So stick around, stay tuned, and get ready for more mojo to come. Next week, we're digging in and we are confronting confrontation. People pleasers guide to taking up space. We're getting real about saying what you mean, standing your ground and finally letting yourself be seen without the guilt. I know, scary, right? But you know I got you. Until then, stay fabulous, take care of yourself, keep your mojo high and your heart open wide. Ciao for now. Love you, mean it.
