Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Who TF Am I Now? A Guide to Shedding the Old You
Ever felt like you’re standing in a hallway between who you were and who you’re becoming? That’s the messy middle—and it’s where real change happens. We get honest about why transformation feels scary, why your brain clings to familiar patterns, and how to move from people pleasing and performance to alignment, peace, and personal power.
We start by decoding the science: the brain rewards predictability, not happiness. That’s why boundaries feel threatening and old roles feel safer than they are. Then we go soul-deep with a candid story about the “People Pleaser” identity—how it wins applause while quietly draining your spark. You’ll learn to spot misalignment, understand why growth often feels like grief, and honor the past version of you who kept things afloat without letting her run the future.
From there, we turn insight into action. You’ll get a simple framework to give yourself permission to outgrow, choose one small but high-signal step, and track micro-evidence that rebuilds confidence. We’ll craft “I’m the kind of person who…” identity statements that nudge your nervous system toward safety in the new. And we’ll close with grounded mantras—“I’m not lost, I’m evolving”—to meet panic with presence and turn the awkward in-between into a creative stretch rather than a crisis.
If your soul has already moved to the penthouse but your habits are stuck in the basement, this conversation is your invite upstairs. Hit play, share with a friend who’s outgrowing their old script, and if it resonates, join the Seven-Day Mojo Makeover. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us the one boundary you’re claiming this week—we’re cheering for your next, truer chapter.
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Hey babe, welcome back to Pocket Full of Mojo, and this is the show where we ditch the people pleasing, take up our full freaking space, and remember that you are the magic. I am also the magic, and I'm your host. I'm Steph the Mojo Maven, reporting live from the scene of your glow-up. Today we're talking about a feeling that so many of us know way too well, and that's when the old version of you doesn't fit anymore. But when the new version isn't quite here yet. Like when you try to squeeze into pants from three identities ago and your soul is like, girl, no one wears stirrup pants anymore. We evolved. So if you're in that weird, wobbly, in-between space, this episode is your permission slip to breathe, to trust yourself, and to keep going. And I'm here to hold your hand and more importantly, show you how. Because what I know is that you can do it, and I'm here to help. So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, and everyone in between, let's dial into our mojo. Let's settle in and get tuned in, tapped in, and turned up. Let's start today's episode with some somewhat obvious truths, but they still bear repeating. So stick with me. When you're green, you're growing. And when you're ripe, you rot. Cool Steph, but I'm not an apple. What the fuck are you talking about? Well, it means that you are not meant to stay the same. I mean, it's in the nature, right? Even your cells replace themselves every seven to ten years. Like your body literally updates like an iPhone. But our brains, oh yeah, those little drama queens, they love familiarity. So how do we operate with all this confusing and sometimes annoying duality? Well, let's have a look at some nerdy-nerdy science real quick, and we'll see what kind of answers we can get. So our neuroscience nugget is this the brain's job is predictability. It rewards familiar patterns, even if those patterns suck. And that's why stepping into a new identity feels terrifying. Not because you're wrong, but because your brain is like, uh, babe, this isn't on the map. So what happens? We keep ourselves safe to stick to what we know. Because what we don't know, well, yeah, our brain is like, hey, that's terrifying. So instead, we cling to the familiar, even when it's quietly draining us. Like the relationships that we've outgrown. Because once upon a time, in a different version of ourselves than who we are today, well, they make us feel seen, even if now they only make us feel small. Because the scary thing is that letting go means facing the unknown. And our brains would rather replay an old heartbreak than risk a blank page. Or maybe you think the absence of boundaries this whole time translates into a permanent choice to just live out the rest of your life as the people pleaser. Like, you know, those boundaries that you meant to set like two years ago but never did. Well, I guess that ship has sailed, right? This is just your life now? No, not true. But because after very little research and trying nothing, you've convinced yourself that saying no feels scarier than self-betrayal. And we tell ourselves, I'll say no next time. But next time never feels easier until we finally realize that peace costs less than people pleasing. Because that people please and be draining. Or maybe for you, it's the job that you spiritually quit a few years ago, but you keep showing up. Because stability feels safer than unknown potential and possibility. And if we're not careful, we can end up numbing ourselves with things like routine and pretending that we're fine, while our soul is quietly screaming, babe, this isn't it. We want more. But if we're in the habit of not answering our own needs and no one is there to call us out on ghosting ourselves or leaving our intuition on red, then we end up staying put, which is a synonym for being stuck. Or maybe it's the identity that you're clinging to. You know, the one that got all the applause, but it cost you your real persona, the one hiding behind the performance. Because being liked can feel a lot like being loved, and at least at first, right? So that's all fine until one day the mask that got you the applause becomes way too heavy to hold, and that real you inside is gonna whisper, can I come out now? But instead you've been fed some garbage like it's too late, or you should have figured it out by now. Which is to say, that is some horse-scented shit right there, and it's never too late to start. You're ready right from where you are, because what we know is is that when we stay where we've outgrown, not because we're weak, but because our comfort zone has been dressed up to look like safety, babe, don't be fooled. Comfort isn't the same as peace. And one thing, one choice, one short changing but keeping the peace decision at a time, and poof, we wake up one day only to realize that through a series of choices and a desire to stay safe, we've shrunk to fit a life that no longer aligns. Or maybe it never fit in the first place. And here's the thing staying small eventually will start to hurt. And that whisper, that tug, that restless feeling that you just can't quite shake, that's not failure. That's growth. It's your soul saying, Hey, I think we're ready for more. And when you ignore it as a whisper, it will start to show up as a shout. So this is where paying attention really shows up to serve you. And that's where the magic happens. When you finally stop labeling your evolution as I'm broken, and start recognizing it for what it is. It's you. You're blooming, you're not falling apart, you're unfolding, you're not lost, you're leveling up. It's new territory, and yes, it is uncomfortable as hell, but it's also the most beautiful kind of becoming. And hear me when I say, you are built and designed to be able to tolerate a bit of discomfort. And as gross as that sounds, you're like, why would I sign up for that? Just remember, this too shall pass. Keep that close as you're navigating this discomfort because you don't want to miss what's waiting for you on the other side. Because when you start hearing that whisper, what has happened is that your soul upgraded to the penthouse energy, and rightfully so, because you're worthy simply by existing, and I want you to remember that, but your actions are still paying rent in the basement. And that's not Dululu, which is easy to snicker at and dismiss, but it's a much more serious diagnosis. If your calling lives in the penthouse, but you refuse to stop hanging out in the basement, then what that is, is misalignment. And here's the kicker and one of those tough truths. So buckle up, Buttercup, and I say this with love, because we all want the glow up and to skip to the good part. But I'm here to inform you with love and grace that the next level is gonna feel like loss before it feels like liberation. But with this awareness, you can comfort yourself in knowing that one more time for the people on the cheap sheets, you're not broken. You're just blooming. I want to take you back to a past version of Steph. I'd like to introduce you to People Pleaser Steph. She still visits from time to time, usually when I'm tired or uncertain or just or spiraling through the group chat for validation. But back in her prime, yeah, she had a whole routine. She was, you know, just tell me what you need and I'll twist myself into it, Steph. She was fluent in reading the room, scanning faces, adjusting the tone, and editing herself mid-sentence just so that no one would ever feel uncomfortable. Her superpower? Shapeshifting. Her kryptonite? Disappointing literally anyone. She was the girl who thought being chosen meant being worthy. So she auditioned for love like it was a role she might lose at any given moment. So be diligent, stay likable. She'd say yes when every cell in her body screamed no, and saw it as a triumph, an exercise and perseverance. And she managed to have that part of herself that screamed no successfully on mute. She'd apologize for things that she didn't even do, or worse, simply for existing a little too loudly. She was the friend who always had time, the employee who never said no to just one more thing, and the woman who mistook exhaustion for purpose. People pleaser stuff was easy to love because she made loving her easy. She never asked for anything. She believed her value was in her usefulness, like a hammer or a toaster. And that if everyone else was happy, she must be doing something right. But what she didn't realize was that every time she dimmed or muted her own needs, every time she swallowed her truth to keep the peace, she was quietly abandoning herself. And the wild thing, it's actually enraging when I think too long about it, and it's this the world rewarded her for it. She got the praise, she got the pats on the back, she got the you're such a lifesaver text messages. But underneath all that gold star approval was a woman who was disappearing in real time. People please her steph worked hard for everyone's comfort except her own. And one day she woke up and realized she didn't even know what she actually wanted anymore. And that's when the evolution began. So there she was, People Please Her Steph, the Queen of Composure, the Human Peace Treaty, the constant diplomat and doormat, all rolled into one adorable smiling little package. But underneath that calm, capable exterior was the quiet hum of restlessness. She couldn't quite name it, but it was there, like background music that you can't turn off. And every time she said yes when she meant no, that hum got louder. Every time she bit her tongue to keep things fine, that hum grew into a buzz, like an annoying mosquito that keeps whining louder and louder. And eventually, the buzz became a full-blown alarm. I remember one morning I was getting ready for work, doing the whole fake it till you fall over routine. Outfit on point. Smile polished. They can't tell I've been crying all morning, right? Because the inside? Absolute chaos. Then one day at brunch, because all revelations deserve mimosas, my best friend looked across the table and said, You keep trying to be the girl you used to need. What about the girl who you need to be next? Oof, I swear, I heard glass crack somewhere. That sentence landed like a champagne cork straight to the soul. And I realized in that moment I'd been living on expired rules. Rules that were written by a version of me who was just trying to survive. The one who thought safety came from being small and agreeable and low maintenance. All I ever wanted was that path of least resistance. And yet here I was in a life that had the smooth ease of driving through mud. But here's the thing about growth: it doesn't ask for permission and it doesn't wait for the right time. It whispers, we're ready, even when you're terrified. It asks you to walk away from identities that once upon a time protected you, but now they just keep you stuck. So I started to question kind of literally everything, which was about as fun as it sounds, but it was 100% the game changer. And the questions that cracked everything open went something like this Who am I when I'm not performing? Who am I when no one needs me to fix or smooth or soften? And who am I when I stop earning my worth? And honestly, the answers didn't come right away. Because becoming yourself again after years of being what everyone else needed, that's not an overnight job. That's a rebuild. But little by little, I started choosing differently. I let silence replace the over-explaining. And exhausted me was like, do less. Okay, sign me up. And I learned so much in the silence and grew comfortable with the discomfort of not knowing. I let boundaries replace my guilt. Like, first of all, I learned what boundaries were, which was very cool and also very game-changing and very humbling to think, oh my God, I could have been doing this the whole time. Do you guys know about this? And people are like, yeah, we know about boundaries. And I was like, cool, let's get some boundaries. And I started to let authenticity replace approval. I was like, what would happen if I just showed up like me? And this was also right around the time that the bestseller, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, came out. And I bought it for myself as a Christmas present. And it really helped get into that whole not caring thing. And it helped me do some normalizing of acting in a way that was so foreign to my old people pleaser ways. And every time I did something different and took a pen to the old script, that old hum, that restless background noise, well, it got quieter. Because that sound wasn't anxiety. It was misalignment. It was my soul saying, Hey babe, this isn't who we are anymore. And that's when I knew. She wasn't broken. She was outdated software. But she got me here. But what I knew now was that she wasn't built to take me where I'm going. So let's unpack that a bit. Let's look at what's really happening. AKA, the science and soul of your glow-up. Because now that we've met people pleaser staff, let's shift the focus back to you. When your old self feels frustrating, unfulfilling, and itchy, it's usually because the old version of you starts to feel too tight, like a life that you can't squeeze into anymore. And it's not because you're lost, it's because your identity is evolving faster than your environment. Like, think of it like this your inner world is upgrading, but your outer world hasn't caught up yet. You're running the 3.0 software on version 1.0 settings. Glitches, oh, yeah, they're inevitable. So we'll have a look at what's really going on under the hood. Here's what we know. We know that your brain loves what's predictable. We won't get too geeky, I promise. But we do know that your brain is a prediction machine. Its number one job is to keep you safe, not happy. And to your brain, safe means familiar. And that's why toxic patterns can feel comforting. Because we know them, not because they're good for you. So when you start doing things differently, saying no, enforcing boundaries, chasing bigger dreams, your brain's gonna freak out. And it's gonna start sending you little panic pings. Wait, hang on, this isn't what we do. What if we don't like us anymore? What if we fail and everybody sees us? That anxiety that you feel when you step into your new identity, it's not a sign that you're doing it wrong. It's your nervous system recalibrating to a new normal. This isn't a breakdown, this is a rewiring. Now, the second thing I want to talk about is that growth feels like grief. And nobody talks about this enough. Because when you start outgrowing things, whether it's the job, the friendship, the identity, the partnership, the couple, it doesn't feel freeing. It feels like loss. So it's really important to honor that and give yourself some grace and some love and to actively and consciously mourn the comfort of the old versions of you, even the messy ones. The girl who used to keep everyone happy, the employee who always overdelivered, the friend who made herself available no matter what. She had a purpose and she kept you safe. And if you're not careful, saying goodbye to her can feel like a betrayal. But here's the truth you can honor the version of you who survived while letting her retire. Thank her, celebrate her, but stop handing her the mic. And this is also where you discover that instead of the good part, you're in the messy middle. Because this is the part where your old self doesn't fit, but your new self isn't fully baked yet. And it's awkward and it's emotional. And I did a whole podcast about it. It's like showing up to a party in between outfits. Like you know you don't belong in what you had on, but you're not dressed for what's next either. And this is actually where most people quit. They run back to the familiar because the unknown feels really exposed. But if you stay in the discomfort, and if you can breathe through the who am I now moments, that's where the transformation happens. You're not lost, you're under construction. And anyone who's cleaned out a garage recently, you know that it's gonna get messier before it gets cleaner. All right. This is kind of like that. But when it comes to us humans, this is how it works in real life. We get this new awareness, and then it shifts into our bodies, and we feel this internal discomfort. And then when we pair that awareness with the discomfort, we start making little changes and the old patterns start falling away. And then we get the good vibes of alignment, and then the confidence comes to the party. And like grief, it's never linear, it's a dance. Like some days you'll strut into your new energy, lack abos, and other days you're gonna trip over your old habits and think, what the fuck? I thought I healed this. But here's what's really happening every time you choose the new version, even just once, your brain rewires a little more. You're proving to yourself that it's safe to be different. And that weird in-between space, it's not chaos. This is creation. You're shedding everything that was built for your survival so you can build what's meant for your thriving. And yes, it's uncomfortable. You don't doubt yourself, you don't grieve the old rhythms, even as you celebrate the new ones. But remember, this isn't an unraveling, this is an unfolding. We're doing this intentionally. And the version of you who feels confused and emotional and unsure, that's the version doing the hardest and holiest work, becoming. So the next time you catch yourself thinking, I don't feel like myself anymore, try this instead. Maybe that's because I'm becoming more of who I actually am. Okay, so now that we've unpacked the messy middle, that the old me doesn't fit, the new me isn't here yet, limbo. Let's talk about what you can actually do. Because knowing you're evolving is one thing, but living it, that takes some hands-on mojo. And here's the truth growth doesn't require perfection, it requires practice and curiosity and a little bit of bravery every day. So let's dig into some practical tools. Number one, you gotta give yourself permission to outgrow. First things first, you have to allow yourself to change. No more guilt for leaving old patterns behind. No more apologizing for wanting more. Because no one's keeping score. That's between you and your maker. And you don't owe anybody shit. So it's time to decide. Are you in? Yes. Then let yourself be in. You can't be in the pool and stay dry. You gotta choose. And you can. And you can ask yourself, which parts of my life are staying the same just because they're comfortable and not because they serve me. And maybe it's that friend who subtly drains you, or the job you've outgrown, but you keep showing up because, you know, paychecks. Or even that old version of you who says yes when you still want to say a hell no. Maybe it's the limiting belief that you want something, but on further inspection, it's just what the world told you to want. You're actually allowed to want what you want. And this is your invitation to give all of it a soft and loving thank you, and then step into what feels aligned. Not familiar, but aligned with two very different things. Which takes us to step number two. Start small but with intention. Because you don't have to overhaul your whole life in a single day. In fact, don't do that. Instead, pick one thing that signals the new you. Maybe it's the boundary you've been avoiding, the small yes to something that actually lights you up, but you've been putting on the back burner because it's not what the old you would do. Or maybe it's a tiny little act of self-kindness. Each time you choose that new action, your brain is gonna make a record of it. It's literally rewiring your identity. And this is you proving to yourself this version of me is safe and capable and worthy. So this small but intentional action that you're going to take, it anchors yourself in the who I'm becoming. And this is the fun one. This is a little mojo exercise you can try out. Say aloud, I'm the kind of person who dot dot dot and then fill in the blanks with traits and habits and values of this next version of you. Like I'm the kind of person who protects my energy, I'm the kind of person who asks for what she needs. I'm the kind of person who doesn't shrink to make other people comfortable. I'm the kind of person who's made to grow. Affirm to yourself that growth is innate. And fun fact, I'm a facilitator for a women's entrepreneurial network, and it's actually called Made to Grow. And you should check them out if you're looking for a community of support as you're building your business and are looking for a community to support your journey. It's an incredible collective of amazing women, so feel free to reach out if you want more info. Anywho, the point is to craft the affirmation that resonates with you or sparks a little bit of, huh, inside of you. Listen to that whisper and get curious and stick these affirmations on your mirror like the cool kids do, or jot it down in your journal, or whisper it to yourself while you're brushing your teeth. The key here is that repetition is the rewiring. One of them that I'm working on right now is I'm the kind of person who knows what they want and has the courage and confidence to ask for it. I think they call that audacity. Hmm. Who knew? And step number three is my favorite step. So don't skip this one. Celebrate the micro evidence. Get out the magnifying glass if you have to. But please celebrate in big ways, in small ways. And do it every time you choose a boundary. Do it every time that you rest without guilt. Do it every time you honor your goals. And when you do this, your brain updates the identity. And we love us some evidence of how far we've come. And our belief system doesn't care if it's big or small. And that's all dumb and subjective anyway. And we're not living a life by a committee. So just know that confidence is proof that's stacked over time. That's right. I know a lot of people out there that are just like, how do I become more confident? Collect proof. Get really obsessed with seeking out moments in your day to celebrate. And the confidence shows up as a door prize. Now, step number four may seem like it's coming out of left field, but hear me out. Because I need to make sure that you're aware so that you can give yourself some grace and some space to let yourself mourn. Yeah, mourn. Because even the versions that hurt us had a purpose. And you can honor that past you while still letting her retire. You can give her a gold watch and a sheet cake and send her on a beach vacation. Guess what? That means you also get to go on the beach vacation. And as we transition from the beta version to the premium deluxe version, we are always well served by supportive thoughts that anchor us in our truth. So let's adopt a mojo mantra of the week. Because as you navigate this white capped water, unpacking how you got here and where you want to go, I want you to remember and say to yourself with love and grace in your heart, I'm not lost. I'm evolving. And I want you to repeat it until your brain stops panicking and starts vibing. And if that one doesn't click for you, I got more. And your brain is gonna pop up and try and trick you with all the old lyrics to all the old songs you used to dance to and try to talk you out of this forward motion because it wants you to stay safe, safe in the known. But it's a trick. You're not in danger. You're simply staring down the barrel of the unknown. But the biggest universal truth is that this is all made up. And quite frankly, none of us have any idea what we're doing or what the future holds. So it's a great time to grab the pen and start writing your own story. Cause you know what, my darling? You deserve a life that's fit. Not the life that they chose for you, not the life that you outgrew, and not the life you've been settling for. This version of you, the one that's right here, right now, the one in the hallway between who you were and who you're becoming. She's the bravest of all of them. I see her. I see you. So I invite you to take a moment today and honor the fact that you didn't quit when it got uncomfortable. You pivoted, you evolved, you said, I want more. And that is courage that most people never access. And one more thing before you go, I have something really special to share with you. And if today's episode had you nodding along, maybe laughing, maybe tearing up a little, because you finally feel seen, then you're gonna love what I've cooked up. I want to officially invite you to the seven-day mojo makeover challenge. Now I know what you're thinking. You're like, Steph, a challenge. Really? I don't have time for a challenge. My life is chaos. And I hear you, alright? But this isn't your typical challenge. This isn't about waking up at 5 a.m. doing a weird dance or pretending that you're somebody that you're not. Nope. This is a realistic, soul-lifting, confidence-boosting, life-reclaiming seven-day makeover just for your mojo. Here's the deal. Over seven days, we're gonna deep dive into you. The real you, where you are, the messy, the brilliant, the evolving, the slightly chaotic, but absolutely unstoppable you. We'll shine a light on some of the parts of your life that no longer fit, whether that's the relationships, the habits, the old versions of yourself that are holding you back. And we're gonna give you some practical tools to reclaim them. Every day of the challenge comes with one focused, bite-sized activity, nothing overwhelming, nothing scary, just actionable steps that you can do while you're sipping your morning coffee or enjoying a glass of wine at night. And then by the end of the week, you start to notice the shifts. You stop apologizing for wanting more. You start setting boundaries and they actually stick. You're gonna reconnect with your desires, your goals, and without guilt, without second guessing. And most importantly, you're gonna look into that mirror and you're gonna see yourself in a way that's authentic, that's unapologetic, that's fully worthy of your own love and respect. Think of it as your own personal seven-day tune-up for your soul, your confidence, your identity. And Gorge, here's the thing: you don't have to have it all figured out to join. You just have to show up for yourself. That's the magic. That's where the transformation begins. So if you've ever felt stuck between the old version of yourself and the new one that you're becoming, if you felt restless or frustrated or like you're supposed to be more, but you aren't sure how to get there, this is your invitation. This is your permission slip to finally take yourself seriously, to prioritize your own growth, and to start living with more energy, more confidence, and all that clarity that you've been craving. Because the seven-day mojo makeover challenge isn't about doing more, it's about becoming more, more aligned, more confident, more you. So grab your coffee or your wine or whatever fuels your soul and come join me. Let's shake this up, clear the clutter, and step fully into your next level self. You win? Because my friend, your mojo called and it is ready for this makeover. So you can scroll down to the show notes and you're just a couple clicks away from the seven-day transformation that swaps the heavy lifting for the freedom of being yourself. And if this episode lit a spark, by all means go ahead. You have my full permission to share this with everyone who listen. And you're also cordially invited to check out all things mojo in the show notes, where there are so many ways for us to connect. You can find me on Instagram, on the YouTubes, and I've got some really amazing things in the pipeline that I'll be announcing soon. So if you want first cake at the can, and you're gonna want to be on the mojo mailing list. And that way you can get all the news and updates about what's coming and it's gonna be good. But that's it for this episode, and I'm gonna see you next time when we talk about a giver's nightmare. We're gonna talk about learning to receive. Yeah, sounds fun, but it's it's harder than you think when all you do is give, right? So haha, until then, I need you to keep your mojo high, your standards higher, and your mimosas topped up with the good stuff. I love you, I'm proud of you, and the best is yet to come. Ciao for now. Love you, bye.
