Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Nobody Asked; So I Chose Myself...
We unpack why waiting to be chosen keeps us small and how choosing ourselves rewires beliefs, focuses the brain, and attracts aligned opportunities. Steph shares a personal story of grief, self-promotion, and practical tools to define, claim, and live your worth.
• approval loops and how beliefs form
• dangers of outsourcing power and validation
• letting go of apologies, fear and old stories
• defining clear desires and non-negotiables
• identity-led action and aligned standards
• RAS, self-talk and attention shaping outcomes
• client case study from desperation to magnetism
• weekly reflection prompts and mantra practice
“If this episode hit home, wait till you hear what's next. We're diving into how to navigate when you've outgrown the old version of you. Because shedding what no longer fits, it's not a crisis, it's a comeback. And don't miss it, your next level is calling.”
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Okay bestie, top up that mimosa because today's topic is one of those like laugh, cry, sip your drink, not aggressively, kind of combos. We're talking about how to stop waiting to be chosen and start choosing yourself. Because let's be honest, I can't be the only one who caught herself refreshing her inbox or overanalyzing that text or praying for that one opportunity to just notice you already. Whether it's a job, a partnership, a client, or even that person who keeps viewing your stories but never actually slides into your DMs, yeah, we've all done it. We've put what we want on hold because we're waiting for someone else to make the move. But my friend, I need you to hear this. You are not the understudy of your life. You're the main character. And the moment you stop waiting for someone to cast you, babe, the real show begins. Waiting for someone else to make the move that will level up your life. Honey, you are the ocean, and there is power in your moves. So stop sipping from the janky water fountain and get ready for life to come at you like a fire hose. Cause today we're learning to choose ourselves. And I'm so glad you're here for the ride. I'm Steph. I'm your favorite Mojo Maven, and this is Pocket Full of Mojo. And we come here to ditch the self-doubt, the burnout, the people pleasing, and remember who the fuck we are and step into our power. Ready, spaghetti? Let's settle in for another great episode of Pocket Full of Mojo and start the way we always do. We're here to get tuned in, tapped in, and turned on. So first things first. If you feel like there's a part of your life where you keep waiting to be chosen only to hear crickets, you're not broken. You're wired. Our brain is a computer, and its processor, it's not exactly flawless. It will believe whatever we tell it. That's what a belief is. It's a thought that we think over and over again. And it's important to remember that you are in charge of data entry. And as the saying goes, garbage in, garbage out, which is kind of why we get in these little messes of thinking that we're broken or less than, or that there's ugh something wrong with us. Because that there is some grade A bullshit. Because in reality, there are some faulty wires up in the old noggin that sometimes take us off our rightful path. And if we're not careful, aka when we're not mindful or aware, we can make it harder than necessary to find our own way back. But you found me, and this is Pocket Fulla Mojo, and it's yours to take and adopt today so that you can get back on track to your rightful spot as the star of the show. Because the truth is that we didn't get here overnight. From the moment that you were a kid, your brain learned that approval equals safety. You cleaned your room, you got a sticker. You smiled pretty, you got praise. You did what was expected, you got love. And this was your cute little nervous system's first lesson in how to belong. Like if I do the right thing, someone chooses me. Someone says I'm enough. And your beautiful, loyal brain remembered that. And that's literally its job. So now, even as a grown person running a business or managing a family or chasing dreams or searching for the right partner, your brain is still whispering, oh, let's just wait until it's safe. Until someone says yes. But my friend, the here's the truth that might sting at first and liberate you later, but it's that you will wait forever for someone to see first what you refuse to claim. Because it's not their job to see you. It's yours. It's not their job to like you. It's yours. And it's not their job to highlight your skills. It's yours. And it's not their job to deliver you everything that you want. But the good news is that it's yours. You don't have to wait anymore. And the astounding truth is that you've already got everything you need. And with a bit of awareness and mindfulness, you can get where you want to go. And while you have everything that you need, the paradox here is that you can't get there alone. But who you take with you on the ride makes all the difference. So let's unpack that a little bit before we get to the real juicy bits. Because collaboration and partnership can be transformative and enriching and powerful. But when we do so without a strong foundation of who we are, there can be a danger of outsourcing your power. So let's look at what those dangers are and what can happen if we undermined the power that we were born with, or even disconnect completely from our own power source. When you wait to be chosen, you hand over the keys to your own damn kingdom. You make your own worth dependent on someone else's timeline or their opinion or their validation. And that, my love, is a dangerous place to live. Because when you outsource your goals and align yourself with someone else's star, there's a few things that happen. You end up dimming your own light to stay palatable or to fit in. You start performing instead of creating from a place of your own truth and your own valuable experiences that no one else has had. And if you don't have a strong foundation of your self-image and your self-esteem, you can mistake silence for rejection. When really it's the universe just waiting for you to take that first step. You can't build a life on someone else's permission slip. And if you're waiting for approval to chase your dream or speak your truth or take up space, you're gonna be waiting forever. And real growth begins when you stop asking, is this okay? It starts when you start saying, This is mine. And your life doesn't need to be pre-approved. It needs to be claimed. And every time you choose to validate yourself instead of waiting for someone else to do it, you're laying another brick in the foundation of a life that's truly yours. This is like when your friend secretly wants to start her own business, but she keeps saying things like, I'm just waiting until my partner's cool with it, or maybe when my parents finally understand what I'm doing. Girl, no, that's not how this works. You can't design a dream life for you with a committee. If you're constantly checking with everyone else's comfort level before making a move, you end up living their version of your life. And that sounds ridiculous, just saying it out loud. But it does show up in the small things that we do, like asking, do you think I should post this? Or is it okay if I take a weekend to myself? Instead of just doing it because it feels right for you. When you stop waiting for a green light from the outside world and start giving it to yourself, whoo, total game changer. And that's where confidence lives. And you can't step into your power if your hands are busy holding on to things that keep you small. Power requires open hands, not a closed fist. It's key to be ready to receive and create and lead. But when your hands are full of fear and people pleasing, and that maybe someday there's no room for something new. So we rewire. We remember that letting go isn't weakness, it's clearance. Every fear you release, every apology you stop making, every someday you replace with today, it frees up space for the confidence and the alignment and the momentum to move in. Those are the roommates we're looking for. Like, you know that vibe when you're saying yes to every favor, every last-minute request because you don't want to upset anyone, and you think that your stock is rising because you're ready to do all the things at any time for anyone. But inside you're exhausted and kind of resentful. Yeah, that's it. You can't rise if you're still clutching fear and approval like security blankets. And it's gonna show up as overthinking every message you send, or downplaying your wins, or ignoring them completely, or talking yourself out of opportunities because what if I'm not ready? Meanwhile, your power is just sitting there, like, uh, are you done yet? Like the moment that you drop the people pleasing, the fear of being too much, that maybe someday procrastination energy, and you finally have both hands free to build and create and receive what's meant for you in all of its messy and perfect glory, that's the moment. Because it's not about becoming someone new, it's about clearing the clutter so that the real you can finally breathe. And sometimes choosing yourself means putting down the things that once made you feel safe, but now have made you feel stuck. Like let's talk about what you need to put down. Let's clear the table for a second. Because before we can fill your life with everything you deserve, we gotta make room for it. So have a look at your own metaphorical table. And if any of these things are in your inventory, here's what needs to go. Number one, the fantasy that being chosen will finally make you feel worthy. You're not waiting for a savior, my friend. You're remembering that you were never lost. And we've all been there thinking that once someone picks us or validates us or says, You're the one, we'll finally feel like enough. But that's a trap. Worthiness doesn't come from being chosen, it comes from choosing yourself first. The real glow-up happens when you stop auditioning for the approval and start standing in your own value. No one is going to hand you your worth. It's yours, and it's been yours the whole time. Second thing you need to put down the habit of apologizing for wanting more. Stop saying, I'm sorry for dreaming big, being loud, knowing your worth. You're not too much. It's it's them. They're just used to less. Ugh, and the classic, sorry for being ambitious energy. Drop it. You dream big, speak your truth, take up space. And if you're new, your instinct is going to instantly shrink back and apologize and say, sorry, like your desires are an inconvenience. They're not. They are divine direction, and you don't need to apologize for wanting more out of life. That hunger is your intuition saying there is more meant for you. Let the sorry go and replace it with thank you for noticing my shine. I have a friend back in France who called me out on this real bad. I was in a bad spot and I was trying to project into the future, and I had this limiting belief that because I do live a life of privilege where I have, you know, a house and electricity and shelter and food in my belly and clothes on my back, that it would be selfish for me to want more. And he's like, that's horseshit. And I was, I'd I I had honestly never had a friend speak to me that way before. So it it definitely stopped me in my tracks, but it was the first domino to fall that helped me give myself permission again to dream big. And while we can get insights from the outside, number three is gonna sound like this contradicts what I just said, but here we go. Number three, the third thing that you need to put down is the lie that clarity comes from outside of you. And like I just said, we can get insight, we can get knowledge, we can get advice, but clarity can only come from within you. And you don't need to figure it out. You need to listen because the answers aren't out there. They're inside. They're waiting for a quiet enough space to be heard. Because it's so easy to think that the next podcast or the next coach or the next vision board will finally reveal the answer. But clarity doesn't come from searching, it comes in stillness. It will reveal itself in the silence. You don't need to go find yourself, you just need to listen to yourself. And the more that you slow down and breathe and tune in, the more obvious it all becomes because you have had these answers all along. Because no one is you. No one knows what you know, no one's lived what you've lived, has the parents that you've had, has the teachers who have influenced you, how could they possibly have more clarity than you? You have the answers. Step one, believe that. Step two, shut up and listen to yourself for the sake of Pete. And just see what comes up. You might surprise yourself. And the fourth thing that you need to let go of is the stories that no longer fit. Get out the red pen and start editing out some of those old stories that used to serve you and are really familiar. You could say them back and forth, but maybe today they're working against you. For example, I'm not ready. I'm not that kind of person. I'll do it when happens. Sound familiar? These are the old stories that you outgrew but never stopped repeating. They're like emotional skinny jeans. And at this point in your life, they're tight, they're uncomfortable, and honestly, they're not even your style anymore. And what's important to take away here is that you don't need to keep squeezing into your past just because it's familiar. And doing something differently doesn't mean that what you did before was wrong. It's time to toss the outdated narratives and try on something that actually fits who you are now. Now I want you to really hear me when I say the universe can't deliver new blessings to hands that are still gripping old baggage. Okay, so we know that the old baggage can hit the recycle bin. The next step is to know what you want and be ready for it. So we're gonna go a level deeper because this part is huge. Most of us say we want to be chosen. But when I ask, for what? Things can get fuzzy. You have to know what you want so that you can recognize it when it shows up. Like maybe you're single and you want a relationship. You're not just gonna go out into your yard and start shouting into the void, I want a relationship. Because there's a lot of different kinds of relationships out there. Business relationship, toxic relationship, abusive relationship. No, that's not what you wanted. Well, you asked for a relationship, but because you weren't specific, you went ahead and said yes to the blurry vision and your first thought, and then ta-da, it's not what you actually wanted. But you had to learn that the hard way. So to bypass that, you want to get specific. I think about this one time where I was playing with the idea of asking for what I wanted, and among other things, like most people, I wanted to win the lottery. And I sat and I tapped into the energy of winning the lottery, and I visualized how good it would feel to win the lottery. And then I went out, I bought my ticket, and I won. I won two whole dollars. So technically, I got what I asked for. But by missing out on the specifics, I missed the target by more than a little bit. Or the time I went out apartment hunting, and I got this really great advice to sit down and write out my ideal apartment. I wanted exposed brick, I wanted great neighbors, I wanted appliances included, I wanted a cute neighborhood, I wanted a renovated bathroom, and I got more and more and more specific. And as I went out and started looking, sure, there was plenty of apartments out there that were available. And if that was all I was looking for, I could have ended up in a real dump or short-changed myself with what was possible. But by setting the clear and defined specifics of what I wanted and dialing into what I wanted and st and asking the question, what do I want? I was able to uncover things that I wanted, but had never given conscious thought to before that actual exercise. And if you bypass the question of defining what it is that you want, the opportunity may pass right in front of you. But unfortunately, you risk missing the boat. It could walk right by you while you're checking your phone for someone else's approval. So here's a question to chew on between sips of mimosa. If no one ever chose you again, what would you choose for yourself? Who would you be? How would you show up? What would you create? What would you stop tolerating? Because clarity is a powerful and quiet force. Clarity is magnetism. And I am a strong and firm believer that when you know what you want, like really know what you want, the world starts rearranging itself to make room for it. And I want to tell you a little story about a time I gave myself a promotion when I didn't even have a job. Okay, so once upon a time, my life was a dumpster fire. My 10-year marriage ended, my mom died suddenly, all within weeks of each other. And my self-image, my self-esteem, my vision of the future, it was all a pile of ashes at my feet. And for a while there, I was marinating in my grief and doing my best to heal, but it's really hard to know where you're going when you haven't the faintest idea of who you are. Who was I if not a wife? Who was I if not a daughter? So as I navigated through the forest of grief and healing, I started to feel pulled towards a future. And through a lot of the mojo exercises that I now teach today, I found myself ready to separate myself from the narrative that my life was a dumpster fire. And pretty sure that wasn't going to be my whole story for the rest of my life. So it was up to me to take the pen and start writing and defining what my future looked like. So I started with my values. What was important to me. And little by little, I started asking myself questions and learning more and more about who I was and what I liked and what I didn't. And what became more and more clear was the contrary to what I had been told and led to believe so deeply for so many years was that this is all made up. And there are way fewer rules in this life than I originally thought. Like at this point, I had gone months without a proper job. My job had become on the surface, caring for my dad who had just lost his wife of 50 years. But after decades of showing up on time to a boss and traded my time for money, I realized that no one came knocking on my door to say, get back to work. And I was like, hey, wait a minute. What if I wrote the story of what comes next? No one seems to be stopping me. And what if it looked different than the way it used to? What if I was in charge? No one seems to be showing up and telling me what to do, so I'm gonna be my own boss. And that's when I promoted myself to president of doing whatever I want. And I made myself business cards that said so. I mean, got a good chuckle from the good people at Staples, but more than that, it was an empowering commitment to myself that I believed that I was in charge of my own life and that I was taking authorship on how it was going to unfold, not without responsibility or ignoring the fundamental elements of safety and security and kindness and doing work for the good of all, but certainly loosening the reins on what I used to think life should look like. Now, this series of events and choices that were not taken to committee or passed before the board for approval, I might add, it swept away the clutter and it dismantled the limiting beliefs that used to fit, but were now fitting like skinny jeans I wore 20 pounds ago. And it cleared the table and allowed me to add and craft a life that was in alignment with who I was today. The woman who had lost her mom, the woman who made herself small to fit into a marriage that no longer operated as one. I wanted to live a life that I was in charge of. So naturally, as I was rebuilding my self-image, I wanted to build a life where I really felt like I was president of doing whatever I want. Now that title acts as kind of like my touchstone or my north star. And since those shaky early days, I've been able to get laser focused on what I want, which is always changing and forever evolving. But I've been able to find my voice, clarify my why, and lead a life that I can not only be proud of, but am inspired by. And one thing's for sure, I'm not going back because I know the life that I'm building is one that's authentic and it's true to me. Because I keep asking myself and looking inward for my answers, and not for someone else to come and tell me they've got all the answers for me, or they're gonna come and tell me how best to live my own life. And since I made that shift and gave myself that promotion, the path forward just keeps revealing itself. And I have the confidence and the knowing that I have what it takes to navigate whatever the world throws at me. I've been able to do it this far. Because when you start choosing yourself, that's when the universe comes calling. Not because you proved yourself, but because you aligned yourself. So now that we've had story time with Steph, let's back it up a little with some neuroscience for your soul. Because you know I can't resist a brain moment. So here's the nerdy-nerdy science behind the magic. Your brain has something real fancy called the reticular activating system. And it's like your inner spotlight. It filters what you notice, what you focus on, and what you attract. Like when I bought a smart car, all of a sudden I started seeing smart cars everywhere. And since I sold that car, I couldn't even count on one hand how many times I've seen a smart car in the last year. It's kind of like that. So, like when you start actively affirming your own worth, so that's your self-talk. That's how you feel about yourself when you look at that gorgeous mug in the mirror, or how you respond or react when shit goes sideways, or when you're setting boundaries and moving like you belong with confidence, or delulu and clarity, or at least intention. Your RAS is gonna start scanning for opportunities that match that belief. It's going to hunt for proof. How cool is that? It literally tunes out what's misaligned. So when you decide I choose myself, your brain starts curating your reality to reflect that truth. You start spotting open doors instead of walls. You start meeting the people who match your energy. You start magnetizing what's meant for you because you've stopped chasing what isn't. And that's not woo, that's wiring. And careful now because remember, garbage in, garbage out, and we just proved that aiming higher attracts higher vibes. So pay real close attention to your self-talk and keep your affirmations close because you didn't get limiting beliefs overnight, and it won't be a light switch moment that flips the script. You gotta keep at it and keep it real and keep it mindful and just know that how you craft your inner dialogue will be what you focus on. And what you focus on paves the path to where you're going. Because where attention goes, energy flows. And if you believe you that you can't do it, you're gonna start seeing proof of that. And if you start thinking that you're not good enough, here's a sleepless night full of examples why that's true. But the key here is to remember that you choose what radio station you will listen to. Is it gonna be the blues or disco? You're the DJ. Remember that. Like for a real life mojo moment, I want to tell you about a woman I once worked with. She was waiting on a big business partnership. And she'd spent weeks putting together this presentation for a potential collaboration, and she felt really good about it. She saw lots of potential for her, and she'd be able to fit the needs of this potential collaborator. So she put all her eggs in this basket and she felt good about taking a big swing. She was going all in. And she sent off the proposal, and then she waited. And then a couple of days passed, and then the weekend went by, and then it was a long weekend. Okay, well, then the week after that, she still heard nothing all this time. She'd been holding her breath, waiting for the yes that she thought was gonna change everything. And like, oh my God, just telling the story makes me feel anxious, thinking about all that time that went by, and her thinking every ding from her phone was gonna be them. And time after time, it wasn't until it didn't happen. And she was super crushed, like full-on pajama days and questioning everything in her life, kind of crushed. And at one point we were chatting, and she's like, Well, maybe Starbucks is hiring, and you know, like no shade to Starbucks. I worked there for 15 years, but this woman is a business genius, but her inner monologue had clearly mixed reviews on this fact. So together we did some work, and I could see at this point she didn't need a cheerleader, she needed a guide. So after realigning her mojo, she shared with me that she'd made some changes. She stopped waiting for the email, she stopped trying to prove herself, and she started showing up as if she already was the partner that she wanted to attract. And this boss lady, she raised her rates, she launched her own project, and she even started saying no to things that seemed like great opportunities, but on a closer inspection, were not in alignment. And she had, in her words, shifted from desperation and lack to a motivated magnet, which is a term that I absolutely love. And we have permission to steal and adopt for our own self-image. It's okay. I asked. She's happy to share. And within months, like a little handful of weeks, you guessed it, that right opportunity came and it wasn't the ones who left her on red. And those ding dongs, by the way, eventually came around when she started showing up at the events and online sales and hot leads started popping off. But this time she didn't need their approval. They needed her energy. But now she was charging more than they could afford. And who's got time for people who ghost you? Not this queen. And that is the magic of self selection. When you choose yourself first, the world takes notes. So here's your reflection question for the week. Where have you been waiting for someone else to choose you? And what would that look like if you chose yourself? Today. That thing that you need that you're waiting for the other person to give to you, how can you give that to yourself? Because this is all about being ready to receive what you want. And what if you could give it to yourself? Maybe it's showing yourself the love that you've been wanting so deeply from someone else. What if the love you gave yourself were enough? Maybe it's walking away from something that you've been pouring energy into, but isn't giving you any energy back. Whatever it is, you don't need permission. What you need is conviction. And you've already got everything you need. It's just about tapping into it. And maybe with some slight rewiring to align with who you are today, that shift will be the winds that will catch your sail. And if you take anything away from this podcast today, remember this it's not about finding more confidence. It's about releasing everything that's convincing you that you're not enough. Now let's anchor all this goodness with a good old-fashioned Mojo Mastery mantra of the week. Now you ready? Say it with me. I'm done waiting to be chosen. I choose me. Boldly, loudly, unapologetically. Say it loud. Say it while you're doing your makeup. Say it walking into a room, sending that scary email, anxiously waiting for the reply. Just pause, observe those thoughts, invite those limiting beliefs to respectfully fuck off. And then say it again until your nervous system believes it. I am done waiting to be chosen. I choose me. Boldly, loudly, unapologetically. Because trust me, the moment that you do, the world shifts. Alright, my love, that's our mimosa-fueled pep talk for today. And to recap, you don't need to be discovered. You need to decide. You don't need a spotlight. You are the glow. And if you take nothing else from today's episode, let it be this. The life that you're dreaming of isn't waiting for you to be chosen. It's waiting for you to choose it back. So go pour yourself another mimosa, fix that crown, and walk out into the world like the main character you already are. Because trust me, when you choose yourself, the world can't help but follow your lead. So until next time, keep your pockets and your heart full of mojo. That's a wrap, my friend. Remember, your worth never up for debate. Your dreams, they're not too much. And the answers you're looking for are already whispering inside you. If this episode hit home, wait till you hear what's next. We're diving into how to navigate when you've outgrown the old version of you. Because shedding what no longer fits, it's not a crisis, it's a comeback. And don't miss it, your next level is calling. So I'm gonna see you in the next episode of Pocketful Mojo. Ciao for now. Love you, bye.
