Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
How To Reclaim The Pieces You Gave Away
We trace how tiny moments of self-abandonment scatter your spark, then map a science-backed path to call it home. Quiet power replaces people pleasing through five practical steps, somatic anchors, and small choices that rebuild trust in yourself.
• micro moments that teach the brain to shrink
• rejection and shame as felt threats not facts
• survival mode turning into self-abandonment
• the kitchen floor clarity and choosing yourself
• manager codes and neural pathways for change
• the puzzle piece metaphor for gradual return
• five-step practice to reclaim power
• protecting reclaimed energy with alignment
• somatic anchors to make change stick
• quiet power, not volume, as the goal
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Hey hey my friends, it's Steph, your mojo maven, and welcome back to another episode of Pocket Full of Mojo, your weekly antidote to burnout and self-doubt and that old wiring known as people pleasing. Now today's episode, it's a it's a little wordy, it's how to reclaim the parts of yourself that you gave away. This one, this one's for the parts of you that you slowly and quietly handed over. Maybe to people or to expectations, to sh to the shoulds and the ought-to's. The parts you forgot were even yours to begin with. And I want you to hear me when I say this. You were never meant to live a life where your joy, your power, or your identity is scattered across everyone else's approval. This is about calling it back. So without further ado, let's drop in for another amazing episode and get tuned in, tapped in, and turned on. All right, all right, let's get honest for a second. Reclaiming yourself sounds bold and beautiful, but first, we gotta talk about those pieces that slipped away in the first place. Because nobody wakes up one morning and says, you know what, today I think I'm gonna give away my sense of self. Now, that would be a weird choice. No, giving parts of yourself away, it's it's more subtle than that. It's sneaky, it's a slow drip, and it happens in these little micro moments. Like maybe it was the first time that someone told you that you were too much, and so you just dialed it down a notch. And maybe it was a time that your big idea, it got some laughs, and it wasn't really funny to begin with. So you tucked it back in your pocket like it never happened. And maybe it was when someone said that they liked you better when you were quiet and easy and accommodating, and there was a part of you that believed them. And unfortunately, those moments, they don't just disappear. Your nervous system remembers. Now, the nerdy-nerdy neuroscience tells us that inside your brain, that amygdala that I'm obsessed with, it think of it like your emotional smoke alarm, and it doesn't distinguish between actual danger and emotional rejection. Just ask your girl Brene Brown. Rejection, shame, embarrassment, your brain processes those as threats. So your system learns, well, if I give away this part of me, I'll be safe. So bit by bit, you hand over these pieces, not because you're weak, but because your brilliant monkey brain is trying to protect you. But here's the thing no one tells us it's that rejection, shame, embarrassment, they're not threats. They're feelings. And feelings aren't facts. And when you live in survival mode for too long, protection starts to look like self-abandonment. Well, it doesn't just look like it, it becomes self-abandonment. And slowly, your voice, your power, your spark, they end up scattered like puzzle pieces across your past. Like when I look back to my most recent low point, I was in a failing marriage, I was feeling invisible and powerless and small and unimportant. It was lovely. And there were certainly no sparks in sight. And I had spent all my time surviving and protecting and trying to like ninja my way through life in order to avoid any conflict, any combat, any confrontation, which meant I wasn't actually living and I was barely existing. Like my goals, my dreams, my skills, they all just kind of seemed to drift away and disappear. And all I was left with was the noise and the harsh reality of my choices. I was effectively lost in a world that I had created for the sake of quote unquote safety, but the tax that I paid for that safety left me in the red big time, energetically, spiritually, mentally, physically, just spent. Because when you give away pieces of yourself, what's left is a version of you that can leave you feeling really hollow and like unmoored. You show up, but it doesn't feel like you're the one doing the living. And the more and more that you feel like you're putting on a mask, the harder it feels to get back to yourself. And this is why you can be busy and still feel lost. Like why you can be out there and achieving things but still feel unseen because those aren't your things. It's not really an achievement. It doesn't set off those reward mechanisms in your brain. And it's also why no amount of praise or gold stars or outside validation actually is gonna fill that ache. Like maybe it does for a second, but then it peters out, and there you are with less than what you started with. Because more applause isn't really what you need. You need more you. Like your nervous system is gonna adapt, but it's also gonna keep score. So despite all the sabotage that our brains pull on us sometimes, our higher self, the person that we were born to be, is still there, still wanting the best for us, still rooting for us and trying to get us, you know, in alignment with that true self. And when we abandon ourselves, we create this low hum of inner dissonance, that nagging feeling that something's off, a harmony that's not in tune. And that's your body whispering, hey, I'm still here. Come get me. Like I want to tell you a story. Years ago, I was sitting in a meeting, you know, the kind where everyone nods like bobbleheads and pretends that everything's great. Like there was a big wig in the room, so everyone was all jacked up on coffee and putting their best feet forward. And we were in a discussion and I had an idea, and I was really excited about it. It was a good idea. But then I swallowed it. Mwomp, mwomp. Why? Because yeah, there was that one time a couple meetings ago where I'd spoken up and I'd been dismissed. That's it. That's all it took. One time, one single moment that I had tucked a piece of my boldness into a box and just decided to label it not worth it. I'm not gonna put myself through that feeling of rejection again. And it wasn't about the meeting, it was about that earlier sting that I'd never reclaimed. So, like, if this sounds familiar, those old echoes, yeah, they shape how we move in the present day until we decide to take those pieces back with awareness, with grace, and some intention. Because here's the thing that nobody tells you when you've spent years giving away pieces of yourself. And it's not cute, so buckle up, buttercup. No one is coming to rescue you. No one is walking through the door with a neatly wrapped little box saying, Here, this is the part of your joy that you gave away in 2014. Um, I kept it safe for you. There you go. Please sign here. No, that's not how it works. The turning point isn't some big cinematic moment with music swelling in the background. The reality is much more honest, it's quiet, because it's that second when you finally stop waiting for someone else to give you permission to come home to yourself. It's when the ache of wanting more gets louder than the fear of reclaiming who you are. The fear of change will get quieter when you finally had enough. Like, here's another story. Years ago, I was in this season where I had everything on paper. I had the kind of stuff that makes people say, like, oh wow, you're doing great. But inside, I felt like I was this guest star in my own life, showing up and smiling and nodding, but not actually living, like pretty directionless, pretty uninspired, super depressed, and like really feeling lost. And one night after yet another meeting where I'd swallowed my voice and made myself small, I came home and I dropped my bag and I just sat on the kitchen floor. Like I didn't have any music on, there's nobody else home, no distractions. It was just me and this gut level knowing that was like, I can't keep doing this. And it wasn't dramatic. It was just super clear. And in that stillness, in that like just me and my thoughts in the kitchen moment, I realized something that hit me like a lightning bolt. That every single piece I'd handed out, whether it was my voice or my boldness or my joy, my skills, my time, my energy, I had participated in giving that away. Not out of weakness, not because I didn't matter, but because at the time my brain genuinely believed that that was the safest way to survive. And the part that we underestimate is that our magic does this cool thing where we can keep learning, we can keep adapting, we can keep changing. Because the truth is that I gave away my pieces through repetition. But the beautiful part is that I can reclaim them the same way. And you can too. Like your brain isn't a locked vault. It's a it's clay, it's rewritable. Which means that even if your story has been full of silenced moments and people pleasing and shrinking and making other people feel comfortable, it doesn't have to end that way. And this is the real turning point. Because now you're not waiting for someone to come and hand your life back to you because you know that you can decide to bring everything you gave away back home and reclaim your life as your own, just one piece at a time. Okay, so knowing that our brain loves the evidence, let's zoom out and get a little nerdy for a second because it this part really matters. Like when you give away your pieces, what's actually happening in your brain is that my BFF, the amygdala, your brain's threat detector, it's going off. The alarm is sounding. It's trying to protect you. It doesn't like rejection, humiliation, conflict, pain, not into it. So the triggers are gonna show up. So it triggers behaviors that will protect you. The silence, the compliance, the being invisible. And because you've got a habit center in your brain and it loves repetition, but it doesn't know what's good for you and what's not. So all of those protective behaviors eventually become the default. And that's why so many people just wake up years later saying, like, wait a minute, when did I stop sounding like me? When did I stop choosing myself? And when did I stop being brave? And finally, here's some good news. Right here, right now, is where the power you were born with comes in. The prefrontal cortex, so the part of your brain that's responsible for conscious choice, self-reflection, and growth, it has manager codes. That's right, you are capable of overriding all those old loops. Because every time you make a new choice, even if it's a super small one, you're carving out a new neural pathway. Manager codes. Because just because you're that part of your brain, that habit center, just because it doesn't know what's good for you, doesn't mean that you don't know what's good for you. And now you, with love and awareness, get to choose. It's like blazing a trail through the woods. First, it's hard, it's unfamiliar, you don't know where you're going, it's overgrown, there's branches everywhere, deep roots that are tripping you up. But the more steps you take, the clearer the path becomes. And eventually what used to feel hard and difficult and foreign, it just becomes this new normal. And this is why the turning point isn't one giant leap, it's a thousand different reclaimings. Now I want you to imagine something. Imagine you're holding a puzzle in your hands. The puzzle is you, you're looking at it, but the image is it's incomplete. You can see the outlines and hints of who you are, but the big chunks are missing. And then one day you reach under the table and you find, ooh, a single piece. And it's dusty and maybe a little bent, but it fits. And the moment you snap it in, something shifts. The picture sharpens just a little, and you can feel yourself again. That's what reclaiming a piece of yourself is gonna feel like. It doesn't have to be flashy. Sometimes it's as simple as speaking up in a conversation where you used to just stay quiet. Or saying no to something you don't want to do, or finally saying yes to something that you do want to do, or simply just letting yourself take up some space without any apology. And then another piece, and then another piece, and another, until one day you realize, oh, I'm not lost. I'm here and I'm just getting started. This is the heart of the turning point, not the grand return, but the gradual one. Let me give you a quick real life example. I worked with this woman and she spent most of her life being the easy one, right? She learned young that speaking up came with conflict. So she just stopped doing that. And she built a life where her needs were always second, and being agreeable was her signature move. Okay. So one day she realized that she couldn't even answer the question, what do you want? And I was like, Oh, tell me more about that. And she's like, I don't know what I want to eat, I don't know what I want to watch, I don't know what I want to wear, I don't know what I like, I don't know what I don't like. Because she'd handed out every piece of that answer over so many years in almost every single role that she played. And her turning point wasn't some big dramatic event. It was sitting in her car outside of work one day, like hands on the steering wheel, just saying to herself, you know what? I matter. My voice matters. And that it just started there. And like not even that day, I think it was like a week later. She said she spoke up in a meeting. And then she started saying no to the overtime that was burning her out and making her feet sore. And then she started taking up more space in her own life and signed up for a Spanish 101 class instead of working overtime. And like a few months later, she said something that gave me chills. She was like, I didn't find myself, I remembered myself. Oh, so good. That's it right there. That reclaiming isn't about finding something that was gone or rebuilding from scratch. It's remembering who you were before the world told you to shrink, before it told you how to think, before it tried to inform you what you liked and didn't like. And maybe your turning point looks a little different. Maybe it's a whisper, maybe it's a full body roar. But either way, it begins with you and a decision. A decision to stop waiting for someone else to choose you, a decision to stop apologizing for existing, a decision to trust that the real you isn't too much or too messy or too late. It's choosing to believe, even if it's just a flicker, that you can pick up your own pieces and build again. And once you make that choice, you're unstoppable. Because the moment that you stop giving your power away, even a little bit, the moment that you start calling yourself back, this is the exact moment that your comeback begins. Because nobody's gonna come and give you your power back. It starts when you stop giving it away. The power was always yours to begin with. Now, let's do this properly. Let's get to the beating heart of the episode, the part where inspiration turns into action because we've peeled back the layers, we've walked through the heartache. So, this next section, my darling listener, is the moment that everything shifts. And I want to show you exactly how to build your way back. Let's talk about what reclaiming actually looks like. Because here's the thing personal power isn't reclaimed in one single main character moment with a perfect soundtrack. It's often bedlining and a messy bun with the sound of a lawnmower. Like it's reclaimed in like teeny tiny, deliberate, sometimes awkward moments, but it's you choosing yourself again. And it's built like a muscle. We just rewire it like circuitry. It's you remembering, like coming home. It's familiar, it's delicious. So let's break it down. So this it becomes like a practice. Okay. This isn't a to-do list, this is a way of moving through life, and it actually belongs to you already. So we're gonna break it down step by step. Step one. We can have lots of fun. Step one, we're identifying the leaks. Where did the pieces go? Here's where you start. You're gonna start with some quiet honesty. Because most of us don't realize how many small ways we've handed ourselves out like confetti. The laugh that we muted, the dream that we tucked away, the boundary that we let slide, the job that we took because someone else thought that we'd be good at it. Now, this step isn't about blame. Ain't nobody got time for that. This step is about awareness. So if you want to try this, just find somewhere quiet with no distractions, take a breath, and just ask yourself a few questions. Where in my life did I start dimming my light? Did I start shrinking? Who was involved in that? What were the circumstances? What were the situations that made me feel like being myself was too much or wasn't going to be accepted? Now remember, your nervous system keeps real good records. It's very tit for tat that way. And these memories aren't always gonna be big and dramatic. They could be fleeting moments or really subtle times when you learned that it was safer to just be agreeable. And this is important because your brain's memory center, it stores emotional experiences. And when you can identify these moments, it takes them out of the shadows and it takes their keys away and it brings it into your consciousness, which means that you can finally work with them instead of being ruled by them. And the pro tip here is that when you're asking yourself these big important questions, just don't judge what comes up. Like if your brain says, The time I laugh too loud in grade seven, trust it. Just that moment stuck for a reason and pull the thread. Like you're safe. These are just thoughts. But don't be like, oh, that was so dumb. I shouldn't have laughed so loud. You gotta be gentle with yourself. It's a really perfect time to be really aware and practice some gentle self-talk. Like this is grade seven you were talking to. We don't want to be a jerk to them. Which takes us to step two. Step two. There's so much we can do. Name the piece. Like what part of you was left behind. Because once you find the leak, the next step is naming what slipped through that leak. So it's super powerful because when you name something, you're anchoring it in language. And language is the bridge between your subconscious and your conscious self. So you ask yourself, what was the piece that I left behind? Was it your voice, your boldness, your joy, your playfulness, your ambition, your creativity, your softness, your boundaries, or maybe just your spark. And maybe it was the part of you that believed that you were allowed to want things without apologizing for it. And when you give an emotional experience a label, that part of your brain, it lights up. And that's the part that's responsible for self-awareness and regulation. And this allows you to reclaim power over a memory that used to have power over you. Like let's say you realized you stopped speaking up in front of groups after being dismissed quite rudely, just that one time. You know the time. Ouch. Right? And even thinking about it again still stings a little bit, right? That means you're on the right track. And that moment that you decided to not contribute wasn't about silence. It was about giving away your voice. And naming it lets you say, This is my voice. It's mine, and I want it back. Which takes us to step three. That's right. I'm talking about step three. You're gonna call it back and you're gonna speak your claim. Now we bring it from thought into embodiment, and you can whisper it, you can shout it, you can write it in a journal, you can say it in the mirror, but I really want you to say it out loud. I call back my voice, I call back my joy, I call back my curiosity, I call back every piece of me that I once abandoned. And this isn't about magic spells, this is about neural anchoring. It's a thing. It's science. Look it up. Like when you pair emotion with vocalization, your brain gets this message that it matters, that it's mine. This is true for me. This is you developing, creating, molding a belief system. And you can make it whatever you want. And this really, really matters because vocalizing it engages the part of your brain that connects your emotional regulation system and speaking out loud exactly what it is that you're taking back. It actually activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which is grounding the experience and making it real, like for real, for real. Like a listener once messaged me after doing this and said, like, I felt this surge in my chest, like something snapped back into place. Isn't that cool? And that's not simply using your imagination, that's your nervous system recalibrating around your truth. Step four, four, I can give you more. And in step four, you get to rehearse. This is your new story. This is your you building the path back to you. And this is the part that a lot of people skip, but it uh it's actually the secret sauce. Because this act of reclaiming is not a single moment. It's not, it's something to build into your practice of being everyday, of being a human being. Because every time you take a microaction that honors who you are, you're laying down that new neural wiring. And repetition makes them stronger. It makes those new behaviors easier and easier and more instinctive over time. And it think these things can be small but powerful. Like when you go to laugh, don't cover your mouth. Laugh at full volume. Say what you actually want to say, eat what you actually want to eat, share your opinion. Your voice matters. Create something, do it for you, not for other people. And these things might seem tiny, but when you do them with awareness and you feel it in your body, this is how your brain learns to trust you again. Like once I worked with somebody who reclaimed their playfulness, and they started by doing one silly thing a day. Like that was the goal. Dancing in her kitchen, singing in the car. And weeks later, she was laughing freely at meetings, showing up brighter, feeling like she could take up space. And this wasn't a coincidence. This was the repatterning in action. And the payoff, well, I don't know. Do you like freedom and confidence and energy? And she was like, I basically turned into this like magnet for people in situations that are aligned with things that I love and who I really am. And that sounds worth it to me. Now let's get some insurance on all these bold moves you're taking. So let's go to Step five. Don't you know that the time? Step five. Because you want to guard and protect what you've reclaimed. You don't want to go back to giving it away. So just remember that your reclaimed pieces, you had to do some work for those, and they are sacred. So once you call them back, you can't just toss them into the world for anybody to hold again. So this step isn't about becoming hardened, it's about becoming intentional. So ask yourself often, is this choice aligned with me? Does this moment really honor that piece that I reclaimed? Or does it go back to my old ways and actually compromise it? Like if you reclaimed your voice, you might start noticing how certain people talk over you. The old you would have let it slide and you would have stayed small and you wouldn't have ruffled any feathers. Now, the reclaimed you is going to gently but firmly interrupt back. Not because you're combative, but because your voice is no longer on the clearance rack. Maybe she's on the feature wall. Like protecting your energy doesn't mean that you shut people out. It just means that you stop abandoning yourself to let them in. And then the bonus step is to anchor it in your body. And this part is often overlooked, but super powerful. And when you reclaim a piece of yourself, you anchor that feeling somewhere physical. Like put your hand on your chest or tap your wrist or press your feet into the floor and take a breath and tell your body, This is mine, this is me. Why? Because your somatic memory is often the first place that old stories live, and it's the last place that they leave. So physical anchoring, it connects your new truth to your body's memory, making it easier to return to when life gets noisy and these new habits are harder to tap into. And this really matters because pairing emotional experience with physical sensation, it makes you stronger and it helps your body regulate and remember and tuning your reclaimed power into a lived state. It's not just a nice idea, it's an act. Because reclaiming your pieces, it's not about becoming someone new. It's about remembering who you've always been and choosing daily to be. And you don't have to get it perfect, you just have to keep coming home. So, a quick recap you're gonna identify the leaks and bring the hidden into the light. You're gonna name the piece because your language anchors your power, you're gonna call it back because your voice creates that ownership. And then you're gonna rehearse the new story because repetition rewires your brain. You're gonna protect the energy and you're gonna guard what is sacred. It's worth protecting. And finally, you're gonna anchor it in your body and make it real. And here's the part where my heart lights up. This practice compounds. The more pieces you reclaim, the more natural it becomes. The more natural it becomes, the more fully you show up. And the more fully you show up, the more your life begins to reflect you instead of the version of you that performed to keep everyone else comfortable. Remember, you didn't get here overnight, and it won't be a light switch that'll bring you back home. A caterpillar doesn't become a butterfly in 24 hours. But it's worth it because reclamation is so sexy, it's quiet power. Because it's not about noise, it's not about being louder, it's about alignment. And once you decide to distance yourself from the edited and watered down and over-accommodating version of yourself and take a step into the strength of standing as your full self, you're never gonna want to live another way. And good news, you don't have to because you're not the sum of the pieces you've given away. You're the architect of the pieces that you bring back home. And the beautiful part, those parts of you aren't lost in some dark abyss. They've been waiting patiently. They love you. Sometimes for years, even if it's been forever, they're just waiting for you to say, okay, I'm ready. So here's what I want you to remember reclaiming yourself isn't about becoming louder or harder or shutting people out. This is about you becoming whole. So if you've been walking around feeling like something's missing, you're not broken. You're just being invited to come home. And take your time and be gentle. And don't underestimate the quiet revolution that happens when you call yourself back. Because when you do, oh honey, your mojo isn't just restored, it's unstoppable. Thank you so much for tuning into this episode. So if this episode spoke to your soul, you know what to do. You want to share it with a friend, you know, they might want to hear it too. And if you want to start rebuilding your mojo that's unapologetically you brick by brick, just make sure you're on that mojo mastery list because that next chapter of your story, girl, she's gonna be fierce. And be sure to tune in next week because we're gonna tackle the problem how to stop waiting to be chosen. So until next time, this has been staff reminding you your mojo's not gone. It's just waiting for you to come home to you. That's it for me. Ciao for now and Tootaloo Kangaroo.
