Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Life Beyond Your Label
What happens when the name tags come off?
We dive straight into the sticky truth: roles like “busy mom,” “rock star employee,” or “supportive spouse” can earn praise and belonging, but they can also erase the person underneath.
With humour, candour, and a little sass, we unpack how people-pleasing and external validation rent your worth—and how to take it back without burning your past to the ground.
We explore why labels feel safe (and why safety isn’t satisfaction), how communities push back when you change the script, and what to do when life transitions-kids leaving, jobs shifting, relationships evolving- leave an empty box where a role used to be.
Through real stories from Jason, Priya, Michelle, Dan, and Eleanor, we show the parent gap, career gap, relationship gap, and social gap in action, and how small, honest choices can rebuild identity from the inside out.
You’ll get practical tools you can use today: the Mirror List to name qualities beyond roles, the Desire Audit to reclaim wants that are actually yours, the “me date” to feed your energy, and the Stoplight Test to move your calendar toward green-light activities.
We share a powerful reframe—name the label, name the gift, name the cost, and choose the next step—so the you that kept you safe can shake hands with the you that’s ready to grow. Labels can explain what you do; they don’t define who you are.
If you’re tired of being the dependable one at half power, this is your permission slip to step back into your life, full voltage.
Ready to reclaim your identity with momentum and support? Tap the link in the show notes to join the seven-day Mojo Makeover Challenge, subscribe for more tools each week, and leave a review telling us which label you’re ready to outgrow. Your voice might be the spark someone else needs.
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Okay, lean in because I've got a hot take. Busy mom, devoted husband, rock star employee, those are not your personality. Not even a snippet of who you are. They're labels. And labels can be useful, sure, maybe for a can of soup, but they're not you. And if all the sticky name tags society slaps on you were stripped away, let me ask a tough question here. Would you even recognize the person underneath? What do you even know about them? And listen, I get it. Especially if you're a recovering people pleaser or rebooting your relationship with yourself. Those labels feel like gold stars. They tell you that you're doing it right, that you're valuable, that you belong. But if you're exhausted, resentful, or feeling lost even when everyone else calls you amazing, that's a sign those labels are running the show. So today we're gonna gently but firmly rip them off like a band-aid. We're gonna get cheeky, a little sassy, and very real about who you actually are without those labels. And why finding that person is the single greatest act of freedom that you can give yourself. This is Pocket Full of Mojo, where we trade people pleasing for power, labels for liberation, and exhaustion for energy. Let's fill up your pocket with some mojo and get tuned in, tapped in, and turned on. Let's be real. Labels are like duct tape. Once they're stuck on, they're hard to peel off, especially if you've been wearing them for years. But here's the kicker. Half the time, you didn't even choose the label for yourself. Someone else slapped it on you, and you thought, well, I guess this is who I am now. So why do these labels stick so hard? Well, meet Sara. She introduced herself at one of my workshops like this. I'm a wife, mom of three, I work in human resources, and I'm the go-to person in my friend group. That's it. She didn't say a word about her. And when I asked, but who are you outside of all that? She just froze. And I felt badly as her tears welled up. And as we walked through the emotions together, she did some math and realized that she hadn't been asked that question in over 15 years. The point here is that labels are easy, they're shortcuts for others so that they can understand us. Fuck, they're given to us without even asking. And in this day and age, who got time for details? But for people pleasers, these labels are also a trap. They give us that sweet, sweet external validation. Like if I'm a good mom, then I'm worthy. And if I'm a hard worker, then I'm matter. But that worth is rented. It ain't owned. And we do love a gold star. She's the reliable one, gold star. He's the best dad ever, gold star. She's the employee who never says no, double gold star. And every label becomes proof that you're worthy and lovable and acceptable. And let's be honest, people pleasers live for that external validation because for so long, our worth has been tied to making other people happy. But the problem here is that if your worth comes from a label, you're gonna cling to it for dear life, even if it's burning you out. And if you're gonna pick a label, it should light you up. And I mean, labels provide clarity when life feels messy because it's life is complicated. You're juggling a thousand roles, but labels, well, they simplify things. I'm a mom. Well, that explains my exhaustion and my priorities and why my car smells like goldfish crackers. I'm a lawyer. Well, that explains my long hours and why I never text back. I'm the fun friend. Well, that explains why I'm always the one planning the girls' trips, even when I'd rather be on the couch. Labels give structure to the chaos. They're neat, they're instructional, they're tidy, they're recognizable. But the problem here is that when life changes and the kids grow up and the job goes away and the relationship shifts, you're left staring at an empty box where that label used to be, wondering who are you now? And we're human, we crave belonging, and people pleasers even more so. And these labels tell us where we're gonna fit in the tribe: the mom group, the work crew, the family role, like the peacemaker or the helper or the fixer, or you know, the girl. And every time you fit neatly into that label, you feel safe. But the problem here is that if belonging is built on roles, not on who you really are, then your belonging is fragile. You're gonna contort yourself to keep that seat at the table, even when it means betraying what you really want. Like if you identify solely as a mom, well then who are you when your kid turns 18 and moves away? If you introduce yourself as a lawyer or a soccer player, who are you when the job goes away or an injury takes you out of the game? And there's also the social side. Like people around you like your labels, it makes their life easier. If you're the dependable one, they know who to call. If you're the strong one, they never have to check in on your needs. But the problem here is that when you try to change the script, people are gonna push back. Wait, you're not hosting this year? You don't want to be on the committee? You're saying no to me? And they don't like it because your label serves them. And if you've spent years playing that role, it feels almost rebellious or treasonous to step out of it. And here's the biggie. Sometimes labels are easier than facing the mystery of who you really are. Like if you've been the supportive wife for 20 years, digging underneath that label might mean confronting desires that you've buried, dreams that you've ignored, or truths about yourself and your choices that you've been kind of scared to face. I know that feeling. And people pleasers, especially, we're very good at avoiding the rocking of the boat. We much prefer the calm waters. So sticking with a safe and predictable label, it just feels less scary than sitting with the unknown or stepping outside of the boat. Because the problem here is that safety, it's not the same thing as satisfaction. If your inner spirit is calling for the rushing rapids and something a little bit more exciting, then those calm waters that you've worked your life to be able to achieve, they're gonna get real boring real fast. Because eventually the misalignment will catch up with you, and you're gonna feel drained and you're gonna feel resentful. And worst of all, you're gonna feel invisible. Because the thing that trips us up when we go to ask the question, well, what do I really want? It's the labels that are gonna get in the way. Oh, the labels. We collect them like merit badges. The reliable one, the nice one, the overachiever, the caretaker, the responsible oldest daughter or son or sibling or best friend. You get it. Some labels we choose, but most were handed to us before we even had a say. Some came from the family expectations, some of them came from culture, some from a single moment where we did that one thing that one time, and it became our role forever. Typecast. You make one joke and then all of a sudden no one's taking you seriously. You were kind that one day and suddenly you become the fixer, or you're good at calming people down, and now you're the peacekeeper. You got good grades, so now your worth is tied to achievement. Because labels they sneak in quietly, they shape how people see you and more dangerously, how you see you and how you introduce yourself in the world. And then over time, those labels they start to sound like identity. I'm the strong one, I'm the dependable one, I'm the one who always figures it out. But here's the thing: these labels are descriptions of behavior, they're not definitions of being. And they got you here, but they don't have to take you there. And that's where the inner tug starts, right? When who you're becoming starts to bump up against who you've been expected to be. It's like we make this assumption that once we become 18, we have to we're like we're done growing, and that's just not the case. So if we want to be reconciling the here we are now with who we're becoming, the reconciliation doesn't mean burning down every version of your past. It means acknowledging it, like, hey, this version of me kept me safe, it helped me belong, it got me through some really hard things. And you can honor that label without being imprisoned by it. You're shifting your relationship with that label. For example, being the peacekeeper taught me to read emotions, and that's a strength, but I don't have to fix everything anymore. Or being the high achiever pushed me forward, but I don't have to earn my worth now. Like that, just simply saying that to yourself in the mirror. It's like you lose 10 pounds instantly. Or being the helper gave me purpose, but I also get to have my own needs. This one opened all the doors for me. Because then that became the question, like, okay, well, what do I need? And it was so eye-opening to be able to ask myself that question and be able to have an answer because this is the part that no one talks about. Letting go of labels isn't rejection, it's evolution. You're not betraying who you were, you're integrating her, you're expanding, you're stretching, you're making room for the next version of you. Here's a little reframe I love. Every time you say, Well, this is just who I am, I think it automatically comes with like a shoulder shrug. I just want you to check if that's actually you speaking. Is it you or the label? Because the real you, she's allowed to grow. She's allowed to outgrow expectations, even her own. So you start with the small shifts, you name the label out loud or in a journal or just to yourself in the car. I've been carrying the responsible one label or the go-to gal label, and then you name what it gave you. It may be dependable and strong and resilient, and then you're gonna name what it's costing you now. So being the responsible one, sure, it may be dependable and strong and resilient, but it's also made it hard to ask for help. And then finally you name what you're ready to step into. I'm ready to be supported to, I'm ready to receive help. Receiving is a whole other muscle that we have to learn to get good at because we've been declining it for so long, because we don't want to be a bother, that we have to affirm to ourselves, I'm ready to be supported too. I'm ready for somebody to come and give me a breakthrough. Because this is where who you were and who you're becoming, they're shaking hands, they're given high fives. They're like, hey, nice to meet you. Because you don't have to demolish the old version of you. You just have to stop letting her drive the bus. You're allowed to outgrow the labels that made you lovable and become someone who loves herself without needing them. So yeah, labels stick hard because they make us feel validated, clear, connected, useful, safe. But they also box us in. If we don't pay attention, it'll keep us small and it's gonna rob us of the wild and messy and brilliant truth of who we are. And babe, you are way too magical to spend your one precious life being a walking fucking name tag. So let's get to it. Let's point out some common gaps between the labels that you wear and who you really are. Maybe one of these are gonna ring a bell. Here's some examples of where the cracks show up. First, there's the parent gap. Jason is the data too, he's an amazing provider, soccer coach, PTA volunteer. And then the kids go to camp for two weeks. He did not know what to do with himself. He told me, I realized I don't have any hobbies anymore. I don't even know what I like without them around. They were gone to camp and I was seriously tempted to go to Toys R Us because that was the last place I remember laughing and having fun, but I'm adult. That could get weird. And that is the parent gap. The space between parenting as a role and your identity as a human. And then there's the career gap. Priya was the rock star employee. First in, last out, lived for praise from her boss. Then the company downsized her. And her first thought wasn't like, how am I gonna pay my bills? It was who am I when I'm not the best at work? And that's the danger of tying your identity to career levels. Then there's the relationship gap. Michelle was the supportive wife, always cheering on her husband's big goals, putting her own on hold while she kept the house and raised the kids. And when he started thriving and she felt left behind, good old friend resentment came creeping in and she told me, I want to keep up and have the same kind of fulfillment that he has, but I don't even know what my dreams are anymore. And finally, there's the social gap. Dan was the dependable friend, always available, always helping. But inside, he was super drained. And when he skipped a birthday to catch up on sleep, he felt racked with guilt. And the social gap is realizing that your role as a good friend has come at the expense of your health. So who are you without the labels? Imagine you had to show up at a party, but you can introduce yourself as I'm a mom or I'm an engineer or I'm so-and-so's bestie. No LinkedIn titles, no family roles. Just you. Who are you? In that moment, you're the person who took three hours to get ready because you consider that self-care. You're the person who had a dance party in the car on the way to the party because that's how you get your energy going, or your mojo, so to speak, before you come into a social situation. That's the person we need to know again. So if you want a quick exercise to get back into alignment, try this. Write down every single label that you carry. Then cross them out one by one. What's left? That's the beginning of you. Nancy, people pleasers cling to labels because they offer clear proof. If others are happy, I'm good. If others aren't, I failed. But here's the kicker. When you live like that, you've outsourced your entire identity. Like Lisa. She was the perfect friend. She planned birthdays, she hosted all the baby showers, she ran errands for people. And when I asked her what she loved to do, she said, I I don't know. I haven't picked in years. She had confused being needed with being known. So was always on pocketful emojo. We're here for the practical tools. This is how we reclaim our identity. We're not erasing labels, we're changing our relationship with them. So you want to start with the mirror list. Every morning for the next week, just name three things about yourself that aren't tied to labels. Do it while you're brushing your teeth. You've got like 90 seconds right there. Or three minutes. How long are we supposed to be brushing our teeth? Whatever. You're creative. I'm curious. I'm resilient. I'm funny. Another quick exercise you can do, the desire audit. Simply write 10 things that you want to do this month. You got a whole month. 10 things. Then circle the ones that are yours and not anybody else's. Then just do one of them. Like a great idea is the me date. Just take yourself out and do something that feeds you, that you like to do. No partner, no kids, no boss. Just you. Try it, you might like it. And then you could also try the stoplight test. Take all your activities that you like to do and then start labeling them green, yellow, red. The green ones, those are the energizing ones. The yellow ones, you're kind of meh about them. Like they don't set you on fire, but they're not a pain either. And then there's the red ones. So these are the draining role-based ones. And then you've got awareness. So slowly you're going to be working your brain, working your calendar, leveraging your choices to put more energy toward the green. See if you can outsource some of those yellows and reds. Make some space. Because here's the thing: once you see the gap, you can't unsee it. And that can fucking sting a little bit. So it can also be your secret weapon. It can be two things. So don't get tripped up. And instead of panicking, which is gonna be the instinct, just think GPS. You're not lost, you're just recalculating. This isn't a race. There's way fewer rules than you think. So grace looks like celebrating one small identity reclaim at a time instead of berating yourself for all those years that you ignored your needs. You know, but got time for that. Like I love Eleanor's story. So Eleanor retired at 62, and for 35 years, she was her label was the teacher. And everyone respected her. And then suddenly she wasn't the teacher anymore. And she told me, she's like, I felt invisible. But instead of fading, she joined a pottery class and she loved creating. And then six months later, she's over at the farmer's market selling her mugs, glowing with pride. And her identity, it wasn't gone. It was just waiting underneath the label. Cause you, my friend, in this moment listening to this podcast, you're not a supporting character in everyone else's movie. You're the damn lead. So how to start? Well, write your own damn labels. Circle the ones that feel authentic and just cross out the ones that don't. If you see yourself in a role or a label, start asking yourself. It doesn't have to go. You don't have to burn it all down. Just ask yourself, who am I when I'm not doing this? Who am I without this role? And then make the commitment to yourself to do one thing a week that's just for you. The you that's underneath all the labels. And here's your permission slip. You don't owe anyone your identity. Labels can help explain what you do, but they'll never define who you are. You're bigger, brighter, and more magical than any job title or role. So start today. Strip off one label. Do one thing for you. And watch what happens when the real you gets some breathing room. And if you want to fast track your glow up and really learn how to collect some quick wins that are going to spark that inner work, I've got a seven-day mojo makeover challenge and it's the perfect fit for you. Challenge after challenge, I hear of massive mojo shifts happening simply by dedicating seven days to feeling better. I guide you through, and in one week, you're gonna feel more empowered, more tuned in than you have in a long time. So in the show notes, there's a link for you to get started. And by this time next week, you are gonna be well on your way to building a more loving and patient and empowered version of yourself. And you can do it, and I can help. Because remember, you're not here to live at half power. You've got a secret weapon, and it's your very own pocket full of mojo. So go use it. So, my friend, that's it for me today. Thanks so much for being here, and be sure to tune in next week when we learn how to answer the question what do I really want? And it's gonna be a juicy one. So I'll see you there. But for now, stay fabulous. Remember, labels are for cans and not for people. Stay true to what's on the inside, and we'll see you next time. Ciao for now. Love you, bye.
