Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
The Inside Scoop About the Messy Middle
Stop chasing the polished reveal and step into the part no one posts: the messy middle. We go straight at the awkward, foggy, sometimes tear-streaked stretch between “before” and “after,” and show why it’s the most creative, honest stage of becoming. Steph shares a raw closet moment—when a wardrobe full of other people’s expectations sparked a rebellion in the form of a bright orange top—and connects it to a bigger truth: those uncomfortable realizations are data, not drama. From playlists stuck in the past to calendars nobody remembers choosing, we uncover the breadcrumb trail that leads back to your real preferences and your real confidence.
We tie lived experience to research on self-concept clarity, explaining why identity feels shaky after breakups, career pivots, or an empty nest—and how tiny, intentional choices rebuild your internal map. You’ll hear practical, heart-forward stories: a divorcee who used her daily coffee order to practice choosing for herself; a longtime caregiver who mapped what she loves, what she might love, and what she doesn’t; and a burned-out executive who finally gave herself permission to pivot into work that fits her values. Each story proves the same point: micro choices compound into momentum, and momentum restores self-trust.
Then we get tactical. Five moves you can start today—start ridiculously small, let it be messy, borrow confidence from curiosity, practice a weekly reintroduction, and try the friend mirror test—turn abstract advice into repeatable habits. Most importantly, we reframe the narrative: you’re not starting from scratch; you’re starting from truth. Your pantry is stocked with lessons, tastes, and resilience. Use them. Treat the middle like your montage—your growth lab and spark factory. If this conversation lights a spark, share it with someone in their own middle, and try one micro choice this week that’s just for you. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what tiny decision will you choose today?
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Alright my friend, let's get real. Everyone loves a shiny before and after. We eat those transformation stories up. Whether it's on Instagram, HGTV, or those hypnotic reels where something is getting power washed within an inch of its life. There's something so satisfying about the reveal, the side by side, the look how far they've come moment. But here's the thing: nobody posts. Nobody celebrates, nobody puts in a filter. It's the messy middle. You know what I'm talking about, that awkward, sticky, sometimes tear-stained, sometimes laugh so hard you snort part of the process where you're trying to figure out who you even are again. And yeah, it's uncomfortable. And yeah, it's confusing and absolutely sometimes smells faintly of burnt toast or regret. So today, we're not glossing over it. We're diving in, we're peeling it back, and we're celebrating it. Because that in-between part that you're so tempted to fast forward through, it's not the setback, it's the magic. So by the end of the episode, you're gonna see that the middle, the undone, the uncertain, the half figured out, might actually be the most important part of your becoming. And we're gonna unpack how to navigate it without losing your mojo, how to find yourself in the fog, and how to even, dare I say it, enjoy it. So settle in because this is Pocket Full of Mojo, your antidote to burnout, self-doubt, and people pleasing. I'm Steph, your hype woman with Aside of Sass, and today we're about to get tuned in, tapped in, turned on. Let's do this. Welcome, welcome, welcome back. I'm your host and favorite Mojo Maven Steph, and today we're going to attempt to sort out the messy middle. That place where you feel stuck and sometimes trapped, like you're living someone else's life, or maybe you've just got the inkling that something needs to shift, but you don't know where to start, and you're just kind of feeling stuck. Because let's be honest, the middle is where most of us live most of the time, and you don't just wake up one day and suddenly have your whole identity neatly figured out. And it's certainly not a project that you can wrap up in an afternoon like some Pinterest worthy mood board. Nope. It's trial and error, it's detours, it's highs, it's lows, it's falling on your face, it's dancing in your living room, and maybe more recently it's crying in the shower and somehow still showing up for yourself the next day. Let me take you back. Picture this pre-Mojo Maven stuff. Like years ago, I'm standing in front of my closet trying to ignore the fact that my life is unraveling and my marriage is falling apart. And when I say standing in front of my closet, I mean sitting slash lying on the edge of my bed paralyzed after hours of binge watching Love is Blind, you know, because apparently watching strangers marry someone they've never seen feels easier, you know, than dealing with my own life choices. Am I right? Anyway, I finally mustered up the courage to walk over to my closet and I thought maybe, just maybe, like if I put something on that felt good, I could turn the day around. Spoiler, that is not what happened. I opened my closet doors and I just fucking froze. Like all the clothes hanging in there, like half of them weren't even me. Some of them were relics of this past version of myself that I thought I should be. They were like professional and polished and buttoned up. You know, someone's idea of appropriate. And then another chunk of them, random compromises. Things I bought because someone else thought they looked good on me or because they fit technically, but did nothing for my soul, let alone my self-image. And then the kicker, some of them weren't even mine. They were like hand-me-downs and borrowed things, like literal costumes, stuff that had no business being in my closet in the first place. And that hit me hard. I'd filled my closet with other people's opinions, styles, expectations. And I realized I'd disappeared in my own closet. Have you ever had that moment? And maybe it wasn't a closet, but like flipping through your playlist and realizing that your music doesn't even excite you anymore. Or opening your calendar and thinking, who even signed me up for this shit? Or you're sitting in a restaurant staring at a menu, realizing that you don't even know what you actually want to eat, because for so long you've just been going along with whatever somebody else picked. It's jarring, it's fucking messy, and it feels like a punch or a loss. But here's the secret that only Mojo knows. It's also a breadcrumb trail. It's a treasure chest of clues. Because that moment in my closet wasn't just depressing. It it was also data. Data? Data? Whatever. It was my wake-up call that I'd outsourced my preferences and things that I liked and my choices, basically my identity. But that meant that I could take it back. Let me paint a picture for you. Like I remembered pulling out a bright orange top that I didn't even remember owning. And my first thought was like, ugh, this is hideous. And then my second thought was like, wait, this is actually kind of fun. Like, what if I showed up as a different version of myself? And just like that, a tiny little spark flickered inside me. It was like a tiny rebellion against the version of myself who had gotten me here, but thought I had to be appropriate all the time. Now pause. Let's zoom out for a second, because closets are just like metaphors, right? Like some people's closet moment happens when they leave a job and they realize that suddenly they don't even know what hobbies they like anymore. Or for some, it's after a breakup. When you suddenly have to answer questions like, What do I want for dinner? How do I want to spend my Saturday? without having to factor in that other person. And for parents, it can hit like a ton of bricks when the kids move out, and then suddenly there's silence where your entire schedule used to be. And it doesn't matter where it happens, in the closet, in the kitchen, in the car ride home, it feels the same. Disorienting, lonely. But also there's this like little truth that's hidden in that this is the entry point to something super powerful. Because after spending time in the pity party, you will come to the realization that this is your chance to start over. Not from scratch, but from truth, from experience. And if you're in that messy closet moment right now, I want you to hear me. It's okay. You're not failing. You're waking up. You're noticing. And noticing is step one. And I was thinking about this just the other day. I had another moment, like very recently, with my own identity playlist meltdown. Like I realized that I hadn't updated my music in like a really long time. And my Spotify was like full of songs from my 20s, and it was one moment of nostalgia after another. And I kept playing them out of loyalty to some past version of me. And then when I finally created a new playlist with songs that made me want to dance and made me like feel a certain way, I felt it, that pulse of me coming back. And it's that kind of small spark that starts the wildfire that is rediscovery. And now, thanks to putting the right people in my life, they've helped me really reignite my curiosity about music. I'm finding new artists, I love all the time, and the dance parties happen on the regular. Because here's the thing: there's research that shows that after major life transitions like breakups or career shifts or kids leaving home, identity disturbance is supernormal. Psychologists call it self-concept clarity. And when it dips, you feel foggy about who you are. And when you don't know who you are, everything feels harder. Confidence tanks, decisions stalled, anxiety, what's up? Because you're navigating without a map. But the major headline here is that clarity can be rebuilt piece by piece, and that's where Mojo Mastery comes in. Like this one client, Marissa, she went through a divorce, tough stuff, let me tell you. And we'd met for coffee to talk through, you know, this identity reboot, and the most peculiar symptom popped up. Suddenly she couldn't decide what kind of coffee she liked. Sounds small, right? But for years she just ordered what her partner liked. So we started small. She experimented mocha with oat milk latte, straight up black. Luckily for her. This mojo maven also doubles as a coffee master. So this was some fun times for me. But this little ritual of choosing her coffee became her daily practice of asking, What do I like? What feels like me? Like Starbucks calls it that first sip moment where you've been like jonesing and waiting for this coffee and you really need it today. And you have that first sip, and you're just you get that hit, and you're just like, Yeah, and then you ask yourself, where else in my life do I do something? And I'm like, Yeah. What feels like me? And six months later, she wasn't just ordering coffee with confidence, she was pitching herself for a promotion at work. Then she was launching a business idea that she'd been sitting on for years. And the coffee question wasn't just about coffee. This was the gateway to her reconnecting with her identity, and it was this breakthrough in disguise, but she revealed so much because she kept going, she stayed curious. Another client had been a mom and a caregiver for so long that when her youngest left for college, she spiraled. Who was she now? What was she supposed to be doing with all this time? She never really thought about it before, so she felt guilty about that because she was so busy being wrapped up in what everybody else needed. So she's having like all of these whammies hit her. So we did a simple identity exercise. We had three columns. What do I love? What do I think I might love? And what I don't love anymore. And that messy, scribbled list became her roadmap. She joined a celsa class, she started painting, she stopped going to that book club that she hated. And yeah, pure words, I'm back, and my sparkle is brighter than ever. So cute. And then there was the senior executive from 50 yards away, her life, perfection. She was burned out beyond belief. She thought that slowing down would make her look weak, and she saw what other people said about people who were quiet quitting or not putting in the overtime, and she wanted no part of that. And it's super hard to do when you're the executive. But when she finally paused, she took the time to review her own personal values, how she wanted to spend her precious time. She actually had a really close friend die and just caught like that spun her into just reevaluating what's really important. And she's she noticed how far she'd come and how much she'd changed without ever taking the time to quantify it. And that was the moment there that she realized that she didn't even like her industry anymore. She was pouring in her expertise, her time, her energy. And it was she was doing it for something that was not only draining her, but it was not in alignment with who she wanted to be. And that was scarier than quitting. So she pivoted. She started her own consultancy. And she said to me, the hardest part wasn't leaving the job. It was admitting that I'd been living a life that wasn't mine anymore. She had to actively forgive herself. So the insight here, the messy middle, it isn't about loss. It's about permission. Permission to know, permission to try, permission to fail, permission to begin again. And for some of us, we need to address permission to succeed. Like, what if I go after what I want and I get it? I'm gonna have to let go of some things I have now in order to get there. And that takes some time and work and mental space. But I think we'll pull that thread on its own episode another time. Because it can all feel really disorienting. And even the research backs this up. Studies in psychology show that after major life transitions, taking small intentional actions to just affirm what your preferences are, it really rebuilds your self-concept clarity. That clarity, it's a direct link to your confidence. Like these small things like coffee choices or playlists or things that you experiment and fail at weekly, they literally rewire your sense of self. Okay, enough theory. Let's get practical. How do you navigate your messy middle without losing your mojo? Well, here's five things that you can start today. Tiny steps, low risk, high reward, high five. Number one, start ridiculously small. Your micro choices, they matter. Everything matters. Your coffee order, your playlist, your own takeout, one that isn't trying to please everybody else. These tiny choices build your self-trust. And it's surprisingly empowering when you're used to considering everyone else first. These micro choices, these are like little bricks in the foundation of your identity. Check out your wardrobe, go shopping for once, and get something that makes you feel amazing. All these little acts of tuning into you are a massive payoff and totally worth celebrating. Don't forget that part. Because you're hard on yourself when things go south. So the opposite should be true too. Be sure to celebrate when you get a win, when you actively choose you, because compounding goodness is truly the secret sauce to mojo. Number two, let it be messy. Diving into crafting your identity, it's like trying on hats. Some fit, some look ridiculous. Try them on anyway. The ugly ones, still valuable. It gives you data or data. What did we decide? And who knows? Maybe that ridiculous one actually looks good on you. Challenge your assumptions. And I know that doing things imperfectly isn't exactly instinctive for people pleasers. So just go into it fully aware that discomfort, that little bitch, she is waiting for you. It's on its way. But as we've learned, discomfort is not danger. You can override your instinct to quit and just observe it and realize that imperfection won't kill you. I promise. Number three, borrow some confidence from being curious. Instead of asking the all-encompassing question, who am I? Who am I supposed to be? What's my thing? What's my mission? What's my passion? Start simple, just a little bit easy. Just like, what's interesting today? What am I being pulled towards? Because curiosity, it's lighter, it's less scary, and it keeps you moving. And to quote the famous toucan from The Box of Fruit Loops, follow your nose. It always knows. But seriously, getting curious is a critical part of getting to know yourself. It sidelines all of your assumptions and it challenges what we think we know. Number four, the ritual of reintroduction. Okay, here are some journal prompts to help get you started. Just weekly ask yourself, finish the question. This week I learned that I like blank. Or I remembered that I don't. Because this is proof of progress, and our brain really loves proof. And it keeps you accountable to yourself. And it's really rewarding to be able to look back on what you've done and learned and failed at and say, I did that, and I'm still here and I'm still trying. And there is no gold star sweeter than that. And then number five is fun. It's the friend mirror test. So this one is amazing and it has instant payoff. So here's the question you're going to ask them. Shoot it out to like five friends, three will get back to you, and it'll be a really sweet moment and great for you and your friendship. And maybe have the answer for them ready to go. Here's the question. Ask them, what is one thing that you see in me that I might not? And often the answer reflects truths that we can't see. And the blind spots that we carry about ourselves can be the biggest holdup in revealing our self-image in its truest form. But listen, if you're currently stuck in that messy middle, hear me loud and hear me clear when I say you're not broken. You're just building. I recently had a full-on meltdown over a mojo project that I've been promising for a long time. Like dining room table, ugly cry. Didn't want to cry alone, so I reached out to the friend, full-blown blubber fest. Wanted to take a shower to feel bet better. Well, I got some bonus acoustics with that crying. Why? Because I wanted to skip to the good part. And after a really great talk, my friend reminded me, you're leveling up. You're uncomfortable. This means you're growing. And I started to think about it like a makeover movie. Like I'm in the awkward montage. This isn't a blooper reel. It's the becoming, it's the transformation part. I don't have my wings yet in this particular project. I'm still in the cocoon. And you, my friend, are the star of your own montage. So if you're there right now, take a beat, laugh at the chaos, dance in the kitchen, give the middle finger to some awkwardness, cry if you need to. I recommend the bathroom. The acoustics are amazing. But keep moving. This messy middle, it's proof that we're alive. It's proof that we're moving and we're becoming extraordinary. All the Marvel heroes, they have their messy middle too. Tony Stark, middle is him being trapped in a cave with a box of scraps. Wonder Woman. McGirl in the middle, she's training, she's failing, she's questioning herself. But middle is where the magic brews. That's your montage, your growth lab, your spark factory. It's a sign that you're becoming. It's your sign to lean in. Because here's the thing that realization it's that it's your chance to start over, it's not from scratch. It's from truth. We gotta remember that. Because here's the thing: when you finally wake up in your closet moment or your menu meltdown, or whatever your version is, it can feel like everything's falling apart. Like you've lost time, you've lost yourself, you've lost the plot. And the natural reaction, panic. We think, great, now I've got to start over from zero, from nothing. That's not fucking true. You just gotta pause. Because you're not starting from scratch, you're starting from truth. And those are two completely different launch pads. Starting from scratch feels like erasing your whole life. Like you've wasted years building the wrong thing. But that's also a fucking lie. But starting from truth, that's acknowledging that you've collected wisdom and preferences and experience and resilience along the way, even if you lost sight of yourself in the process. It's saying I might have drifted, but I've still got the map, and now I know where not to go. You can just think of it like cooking. Scratch would mean empty cupboards and no idea how to fry an egg. But truth means that your pantry is stocked. You've burned a few dinners, sure, but you've also nailed a few recipes, and now you actually know which flavors you love. You're not fumbling around with blind guesses, you're remixing with self-awareness. Or think about relationships. Scratch would mean that you're brand new to love and fumbling through your first heartbreak. But the truth means that you've lived and you've loved and maybe crashed and burned, but you've got the receipts. And you know what you won't tolerate anymore. You know where you shine in a partnership, you know what red flags are, and that they don't look so cute under the neon lighting. In career, same deal. Scratch is stepping out of school, not knowing what industry fits, but the truth is realizing, maybe after a detour or two, that you've got skills and insights and experiences that actually make you truly powerful. And even if you're pivoting, you're not clueless, you're just resourceful. And the magic of truth is that it grounds you, it gives you a foundation that's solid. And when you start from truth, you're building something sustainable. No more chasing what looks good on paper or what earns you applause or what your Aunt Brenda thinks is respectable. This time, you're chasing what feels good, what lights you up, what makes you feel like you. And yes, starting from truth also feels messy at first. There's gonna be false starts and awkward experiments and those cringy, like, did I really fucking try salsa dancing kind of moments? But that's the gift. The mess is information, and every misstep refines your compass. And every choice whispers, more of this, less of that. So if you're in that realization moment, don't frame it as failure. Frame it as freedom. You're not empty, you're not behind, and you're fucking absolutely not broken. You are standing in the middle of your life with a backpack full of lessons and the chance to finally build from honesty. And that's not a restart button, that's a glow-up. A true upgrade. All right, my mojo friend, here's the takeaway. Stop treating the messy middle like a problem. Treat it like a playground. Whee! Pick one micro choice this week that's just for you. And if you're craving a bit more momentum, check out this mojo makeover seven-day challenge. In seven days, seven micro shifts, big mojo. Small steps, big transformations. You'll learn how to reconnect with yourself, reclaim your power, and just remember why you're so fabulous. And if this episode lit a spark, share it with somebody who's navigating their own messy metal. Because becoming yourself again, it's not just possible, it's powerful. And if you need a little kickstart for that energy budget, do not sleep on getting your mojo gummies. Because fueling your body and your mind is always a smart investment. So you can grab a link in the show notes for a discount from me to you today. So let's start living like our energy is infinite and start spending it like it matters. Because it does. And everybody who needs that deserves that. So come back next week when we're gonna peel back the layers of identity and ask, who am I without the labels? Spoiler. You're more than the tanks that society slaps on you. And we're gonna prove it. So until then, stay fabulous, seek out some fun, laugh at some awkwardness, and just master that mojo. Ciao for now. Love you. Bye.
