Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Stop Ghosting Yourself!
Keeping promises to others comes naturally to most of us—but what about the commitments we make to ourselves? That daily meditation practice, the exercise routine, the boundaries we swear we'll enforce... somehow these often become negotiable when life gets hectic.
The truth? Every time you break a promise to yourself, you're quietly eroding your self-trust. Just as reliability builds trust in relationships with others, showing up for yourself consistently creates the foundation for unshakable self-confidence. When we fail to honor our commitments to ourselves, we're sending a subliminal message that our needs don't really matter—and that takes a toll on our self-worth over time.
This episode takes you through the psychology behind why we struggle to keep self-promises: our brain's preference for comfort over challenge, setting unrealistic expectations, and deep-seated beliefs about our worthiness. You'll hear a personal story about well-intentioned but misaligned health goals that were doomed to fail because they didn't connect with authentic values. Instead of self-criticism when we falter, the episode offers a framework for compassionate curiosity—questioning whether the promises we make actually align with who we are and what we truly want.
The most valuable takeaway? Practical strategies that make self-promises stick: starting smaller than you think, tying commitments to your identity rather than just tasks, using the "accountability flip" to treat yourself with the same respect you offer others, celebrating even tiny wins, and giving yourself grace when you slip up. The rewards of this practice are immense—greater confidence, stronger boundaries, deeper self-love, and expanded energy as you shed the weight of guilt and broken trust.
Ready to transform your relationship with yourself? Start with just one small, meaningful promise this week. Your future self will thank you for this foundation of self-trust you're building today. Share this episode with someone who always shows up for everyone else but forgets about themselves—they might need this reminder most of all.
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Hey friend, welcome back to Pocketful of Mojo. Today we're diving into something that seems simple on the surface, but it's one of the most powerful acts of self-love there is keeping the promises you make to yourself. Think about it when you keep a promise to a friend, a partner or a co-worker, what happens? Trust builds, respect grows, that relationship deepens. Now flip that inward. Imagine what happens when you keep promises to yourself. You start to trust yourself, respect yourself and love yourself in ways that are unshakable. That's what we're here to do today. We're going to learn how to pick the right promises, give ourselves some grace when they don't pan out, and we're going to learn to do this right now by getting tuned in, tapped in and turned on. Tapped in and turned on. Well, hello, gorgeous. Why are you so lovely? How are you doing Me? Oh, I'm good, I'm good. Well, I'm okay, I'm late. This podcast didn't come out on time. And well, coincidentally, if you believe in that kind of thing, the reason why actually aligns perfectly with the podcast I had teed up for you today. So here's the scoop.
Speaker 1:This past Monday, I was in my zone. I was crushing it. I was planning for the mojo takeover of the world. I found this great recording space. I did a few little new tricks with my new tools and then, after absolutely murdering my to-do list, I decided to stop for a quick little cheeky beer before going home. So while I was sipping away I cleaned out my email inbox and I wrapped up the day. I had keys in my hand and I got a text message from my brother. Dad was on the way to the hospital. Now I couldn't quite tell from his tone what was going on, but with my dad and end stage heart failure it really could be anything. So home I went, so I got to see my dad, get taken away by the ambulance and get some stuff together, drove my brother home and then spent the rest of the day at the hospital. We didn't get home until late, and then the next day was really fragile, as was the day after that. And during all of those days I was not working on the podcast as planned. But make no mistake, my commitment to make that podcast never really left my stream of consciousness. It just was never the thing in front of me that I was able to do.
Speaker 1:And then, as the week went on and I was trying to jam more and more into my days, with more and more on the to-do list, I realized that something had to give. And then I realized that I'm not actually contractually or legally bound to produce a weekly podcast. I mean, I love you but I just couldn't make it this Thursday. And if I can't give myself that grace, then who else is going to? And who would I be to be standing here talking to you about it if I didn't know, like I know, that it's transformational to show yourself unconditional love in the hardest times, and I don't have a partner, but I have wonderful, priceless humans around me who also reminded me to take care of myself and made sure that I was eating and sleeping and checking in on me and sending me love of myself, and made sure that I was eating and sleeping and checking in on me and sending me love. And that's a privilege that I hold very dear and hope that all of you either have or are working on building a tribe just like it. It doesn't always happen organically, but it can be built anytime, at any age, and if it's the only thing that you do in this life, you'll never regret it. And I own the consequences of these choices and I appreciate consistency is important in a weekly podcast and if I lose you as a result, then that's out of my control once the deed is done. But I can learn and I can do differently, like maybe bank more episodes for the next time something like this happens. But giving myself permission to do what I feel I need to do in the moment, based on evolving reality and literally life or death circumstances, and remembering that I'm in charge, that's all part of the game of life. It's all part of living with intention and making choices and alignment and sometimes being imperfect about it. So here's what I did.
Speaker 1:I observed that I was overwhelmed with the situation, the decisions, the coordinating, the communicating and producing a podcast just isn't hitting record and it's magically ready to go as soon as I stop talking isn't hitting record and it's magically ready to go as soon as I stop talking. And something that I normally do with so much joy because it's super fun is the production. But all of a sudden it felt like a giant monster mountain and that is not the vibe when making this podcast. So I made the call. I reminded myself that it's okay to feel sad, it's okay to be grieving instead of doing the thing I said I was going to do and that helped me remember that this whole life thing it's all made up and, you know, nothing really matters. And then, when Friday rolled around and I still hadn't produced my weekly podcast, you know what happened. The goons never came, the podcast police never showed up because that would be ridiculous and being hard on myself for breaking a commitment would be silly and I've been accused of being a silly goose, but for that crime I will do no time.
Speaker 1:And it's important to note what I didn't do. I didn't shit talk myself about it. I was really careful to pay attention to my self-talk. I made sure that no like, why couldn't you just power through? Or everyone's going to be so disappointed in you, kind of thinking. I didn't quit because I still love what I do. So all of that is to say thank you so much for tuning in today. All of that is to say thank you so much for tuning in today Because I'm Steph and I'm your Mojo Maven and I'm the founder of Mojo Mastery and I can tell you that what we're going to talk about today, this foundation block of all things Mojo, is promises. Promises Just like the promise I made to my business to produce a podcast every week, but then shit went sideways and I didn't deliver.
Speaker 1:So we're going to start by exposing the truth that most of us are rock solid at keeping promises to other people and pretty terrible about keeping them for ourselves. But every time we break our own word, if we're not careful, it can chip away at our self-trust and it can leave us feeling unmotivated, guilty and even ashamed. Ew, gross. Why would you do that to yourself? So, before we start spiraling, this episode is not going to be about how to beat yourself up. No, ma'am, it's about comfort and clarity and some really practical tools. That's what we're all about. So we're going to unpack why we break promises to ourselves and how to interrogate those reasons without judgment, and what to do differently so that you can start building that rock solid self-trust. And that self-trust allows for a wobble in the road every once in a while. And the good news is that you can start right from where you are, because the big takeaway I want you to hear is the way you treat your promises to yourself sets the tone for your self-love.
Speaker 1:I got another quick story for you. A few years ago, I made a promise to myself that I would get up early every morning and write for 30 minutes Sounded easy enough, but what happened? Well, day one, I hit snooze. Day two, I justified it. Well, I was up late, so I'm going to start this tomorrow. Day three skipped again and by the end of the week the promise was worth the paper it was written on. Now here's the interesting part. No one else knew that I made that promise. There was no accountability buddy, no deadline, no fallout if I didn't do it. But I knew.
Speaker 1:And that disappointment sat heavy Because it wasn't about the writing anymore. It was about the fact that I couldn't rely on myself. And that was the moment that I realized something. If I treated a friend the way I was treating myself making commitments and then bailing that friendship would fall apart. And yet I was doing the exact same thing to myself over and over. When I put it under the microscope, it wasn't just about journaling. I'd done this a lot.
Speaker 1:And the real five alarms started when I had the thought what's the point in setting a goal? I'm just going to break the habit and get disappointed all over again. Uh-oh, that's not good. That conscious thought was so loud and so out of alignment with my true feelings about myself and my ability to show up for myself that it sounded like a stranger had invaded my thoughts and the prospect of believing that voice was too much to bear. Something had to change stat, and maybe you've been there too. Maybe it's a health goal, maybe it's setting boundaries. Maybe it's promising that you'll finally take a break that you desperately need.
Speaker 1:You make the commitment, but when it's time to show up, you don't, and you're left asking yourself why can't I follow through? So let's break this down. Why do we do this? Well, there's a few reasons. As a society, more and more we choose comfort over challenge, and essentially our brains love a good comfort zone. They're wired to be efficient. Even if the promise is good for you, it often requires discomfort, and that's why your brain whispers let's just start tomorrow. Or maybe the promise itself is just unrealistic. Sometimes we aim too high, too fast, and you can't go from zero workouts to five in a week your first time out. But we set that bar, we miss once and then we think, well, I blew, it Might as well give up.
Speaker 1:And then, for my people pleasers out there, this is a big thread in that yarn, because if you spent years putting everyone else. First, it just feels easier to keep a promise to them than it does to keep the one to yourself. Your brain has been conditioned to see your own needs as secondary or negotiable. And then there's the stories that we tell ourselves, the ones about our self-worth. And it's a big one, because sometimes we break promises to ourselves because, deep down, we don't actually believe that we're worthy of the follow-through. And if that one stings, let it land, but don't let it shame you, because this is about awareness, not judgment.
Speaker 1:So, instead of criticizing, let's get curious. Here's where we're going to shift gears. Instead of beating yourself up when you break a promise, let's get curious. I want you to ask yourself was this promise even realistic for my life right now? Was this something I truly wanted or something I thought I should want? Did I break this promise because of fear or fatigue or because I wasn't clear? And this isn't self-criticism, this is self-awareness. This self-awareness is how you change the game. For example, maybe you promised yourself that you'd start journaling daily, like me, but when you skipped it, you felt guilty. Pause. Now ask yourself did I actually want a journal or did I think I should because I saw someone else do it on Instagram. It's not your authentic promise. No wonder it didn't stick. And again, this totally happened to me recently and I wanted to tell you about this.
Speaker 1:So once upon a time, I was minding my business and it hit me that I hadn't really been getting the weight loss results that I'd been trying to achieve and it was time to do something about it. So I opened up a new browser window and I started researching all the things I could do to lose what I had diagnosed as water weight and get down some of the inflammation in my body Sensible. Right, well before I knew it, I had made a list with a big red circle with a slash through it, outlining all the things I was going to stop eating entirely. All the things no gluten, no sugar, no alcohol, no processed foods and so on and so on. Nothing crazy, right. And then this voice in my head was determined that I could commit to this for a month and I built a shopping list around it and I said I could do this about 11 billiony billion times. I'll start tomorrow. Oh, but tomorrow's pizza night with dad and it's kind of our thing. Well, maybe I'll build in a cheat day. No, that won't work. That'll confuse my body and well, maybe, hang on, I'll look that up. Oh well, ok, monday, monday, I'll start for sure.
Speaker 1:Then, after sleeping on it and indulging in another mid-morning scroll, I found myself stumbling across and I use this term very loosely every fucking weight loss ad on Instagram, literally filling my feed with messages that I needed lymphatic drainage and GLP-1 supplements and I should consider Ozempic, because that seems to be really working for people, and I could get rid of my jowls with this face sculptor, and if I played my cards right, maybe I could look like an entirely different human within weeks. Say what? Then? It hit me. I talked myself into taking on a regime that was in no way aligned with who I am or what I want. Now, quick disclaimer here I believe that you have the right to do whatever you choose to do with your body. I just hope that you do it safely, with a doctor or a health professional that can help you navigate what's best for you.
Speaker 1:But what I'm more talking about here is not the what so much as the why. I'd been completely convinced that I needed to lose weight, but when I interrogated my own thoughts about it, I discovered that my values are more aligned with the themes of like, love, the skin. You're in beauty at every size and, quite frankly, I'm known for saying things like a life without french fries is not a life for me. Dramatic perhaps. And my current life situation, being my dad's full-time caregiver, doesn't give me a lot of freedom when it comes to a social life. So, yeah, I'm going to enjoy a whiskey on the front step at the end of the day from time to time, and my love of good food is one of my favorite hobbies. Eating out would be a nightmare.
Speaker 1:Why am I inviting all this resistance and restriction into my life when those are completely against my own personal values? And if ditching this half-baked plan comes with a pound or two, I think I'm at peace with that, because the truth is is I've worked really hard to love myself, including the physical, which may have been the longest and windiest road. So to try and override my value system to achieve a beauty standard, I didn't vote for it just didn't jive. No wonder I couldn't keep my promise. It wasn't rooted in who I really am and what I really wanted. Does that mean I'm not healthy? No, it just means that Saturdays are for pizza and Pilates, because taking care of yourself is really important, and I know and have proven to myself that the more I show my body love, the better I treat it.
Speaker 1:So with this story, I want you to take what resonates with you and leave the rest. This could be a rant about ads and suggestive selling and how it forms our thoughts, and our thoughts form actions, and without self-awareness we could be living someone else's life. Or this could be a rant about asking yourself why you break the promises that you do, and to pull the thread and figure out what's lying underneath your rebel behavior when it comes to keeping your word. But I hope that whatever you uncover about yourself in that story, you treat it with kid gloves, you give yourself some grace, you celebrate this new layer of yourself that you know just a little bit better, and that's a win. That's a huge win.
Speaker 1:Choices we all have them. We just got to ask who are we making them for? That is the question and the answer. The more your choices align with who you really are, the more you're going to thrive, and that's mojo. Okay, rant over. We will now resume regular programming.
Speaker 1:So let's get practical. These are some tips for keeping your promises. So what do we do about this? Here are a few ways to actually start keeping those promises. Number one you want to shrink it down? Start smaller than you think. Tell your ambition monster to calm down for a second. And if you want to work out more for example, don't promise five days a week Start with 10 minutes once or twice. Prove to yourself that you can show up and then build from there. Number two tie it to your identity. Don't just say I'll read more, say I'm becoming the kind of person who reads before bed, and it becomes part of that identity piece, not just a task on your list.
Speaker 1:Number three use the accountability flip. Ask would I break this promise if I made it to someone else? And if the answer is no, then you shouldn't break it for yourself either. Number four you gotta celebrate the small wins. Every time you keep a promise, acknowledge it. When we break it, we beat ourselves up. So why not celebrate when you actually do the thing? Say it out loud yes, I showed up for me. That's how you retrain your brain to connect self-trust with pride instead of disappointment. And number five you gotta give yourself grace.
Speaker 1:Breaking one promise doesn't erase all your progress. Think of it like any relationship. If you let a friend down once, you apologize. You show up better next time. Do the same for yourself. And what's on the other side of this is some really great impact. When you start keeping your promises, your confidence grows. You start to trust yourself in bigger and bigger ways. Your boundaries get stronger. You don't see yourself as last on the list anymore, because you see the good results of what happens when you show up for yourself, which allows your self-love to get deeper because you're showing yourself that you matter. And then your energy expands because you're not weighed down by guilt or broken self-trust.
Speaker 1:Keeping promises to yourself is the direct pathway to freedom. It's where self-respect, self-love and self-trust it's like their little clubhouse. They're all meeting there. So here's my challenge for you this week Make one small, doable promise to yourself, just one, something realistic, something meaningful, something you can actually follow through on, and then keep it. Write it down, say it out loud and prove to yourself that your word is gold, because every big transformation you've dreamed of it starts with those small, quiet moments where you choose to show up for you.
Speaker 1:So if this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who needs to hear it, maybe a friend who always shows up for everyone else but then forgets about themselves. And if you haven't yet hit, follow and don't miss next week's episode of Pocketful Mojo. It's going to be a good one. And until then, keep your promises, keep your mojo strong and remember the way you love yourself teaches the world how to love you too. That's it for me, my friends, I wish you a gorgeous day. Look out for magic, it's coming for you. Ciao. For now, love you Bye, mwah.
