Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Unbothered: Your Guide to Staying Grounded When Everything's a Mess
Tired of feeling wonky? Or like everyday is a spinning wheel and you start the day wondering where your feelings are going to take you?
In this week's episode, we explore why emotional stability is the ultimate flex in a world obsessed with drama and intensity. That? Sounds exhausting.
This episode offers practical tools to stay calm, grounded, and in your power even when life throws curveballs. Cuz you KNOW life be curveballin' sometimes...
Other Highlights:
• Understanding emotional dysregulation and what it feels like when your brain goes into fight-flight-freeze mode (it's not as fun as it sounds.)
• The science behind emotional chaos: how your amygdala hijacks your prefrontal cortex during triggers - yeah - science is cool.
• What emotional stability actually is (not numbing or toxic positivity) and how it feels when you've mastered it...and it's closer than you think!
• The Three R's framework:
- Recognize,
- Regulate, and
- Respond to reset your emotional state
• Five powerful mid-trigger regulation tools including "name it to tame it" and physical grounding techniques
• I'll also introduce: The STAB method: (heheh....let's get STABBY!)
- Stop,
- Take a breath,
- Acknowledge the trigger, and use your
- Body to regulate
We'll also look at (yes its a juicy episode) how emotional stability transforms your relationships, decision-making, and personal magnetism
We'll even dig into real-life examples of moving from reactive to responsive in challenging situations....this episode is going to be a game-changer.
Don't forget Mojo gummies are your delicious little sidekick on the road to emotional regulation. Hit the link in the show notes for 15% off your next moment of clarity.
Need help tapping into your Mojo? See ya later brain fog- these gummies are game changers! 15% OFF!
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You ever meet someone who's cool as a cucumber while everything's burning down and you're like, how Meanwhile you're over here, one minor inconvenience away from a full-blown meltdown in the Target parking lot? Yeah, we're talking about that today Because, in a world that promotes drama and emotional outbursts and performative self-destruction masked as passion, I'm here to tell you that the real flex is emotional stability. In today's episode, we're going to uncover how to stay unbothered when everything's a mess. Not stuffing your feelings, not going numb, but staying calm, grounded and in your power, even when life throws you. Curveballs mean girls, unplanned meetings with your boss or 27 unread texts. In this episode, I'm breaking down what emotional dysregulation really looks like and feels like, and why you're not crazy. We're going to look at the science behind those emotional roller coasters. We're going to look at what emotional stability actually is and isn't and how it feels when you've got it on lock. And, as a special bonus, we're going to look at the tools to help you start regulating even in the middle of a mess. So by the end of this episode, you're going to feel clear and steady and low-key, invincible, like Beyonce in a blackout. She ain't bothered. So let's get tuned in, tapped in and turned on.
Speaker 1:Welcome back to Bocca Vola Mojo, the podcast. That's like your favorite hoodie, cozy, cool and always got your back. I'm your Mojo Maven, steph, and today we're talking about something that doesn't get nearly enough hype in a world obsessed with looking like you've got it all together Ready, because the real flex isn't having six side hustles, six packs or perfect productivity, it's emotional stability, baby. So let's start by digging into what it looks like when you don't have it. Okay, let's be real. Raise your hand if you've ever had one of those days where you wake up kind of feeling meh and your coffee order gets messed up, and then your ex texts you out of nowhere and then suddenly you're spiraling into a mental existential crisis. And it's only 10, 0, 7 am. Yeah, been there.
Speaker 1:An emotional dysregulation can feel like you're being held hostage by your own nervous system. Here's how it plays out One little thing goes wrong and boom, you're in fight, flight, freeze or full-on freak out. You go from zero to 60 in feelings. One second you're fine, the next you're crying in the parking lot or rage texting your group chat, where every minor inconvenience feels personal, like the universe is out to get you and your poor brain. It's doing backflips, trying to analyze or fix or escape the chaos, and it's exhausting and you're not grounded, you're reactive, you might lash out or shut down, or my go-to move, which is to try and over-control everything around you, just to feel some sense of stability and control.
Speaker 1:And I've done a lot of thinking on this and this roller coaster of like guilt, shame, overthinking panic, regret, repeat. You know like I've been on that roller coaster while simultaneously and consciously chasing that mythical word balance when it came to my life and when it came to my emotions, because the highs were fleeting and the lows were brutal and it just kept going on and up and down and drama and conflama and passing moments of brilliance and then when you blink, you're back to raw. But what I do know is that every action is going to cause an equal and opposite reaction. But does it have to be so fucking bumpy Like? How do we smooth the road? How do we regulate and create a baseline that's below annoyingly happy but above boring and bland, because we're not here to put water in our wine? We know it's not going to be smooth waters all the time, but does it have to be the Grand Rapids? Just give me something I can canoe in, or like paddleboard. You know you get me.
Speaker 1:All right, let's pop the hood and look at what's actually happening in that beautiful overstimulated brain of yours Because, spoiler alert, it's not just your ex or your boss that's causing chaos. It's also your amygdala, which is part of that gorgeous brain of yours, and it's acting like a drama queen with a megaphone. When you're emotionally dysregulated, your prefrontal cortex or your CEO brain, it basically goes offline, pieces out. That's the part that handles logic and decision-making and impulse control. Right when you need it, it goes away. Instead, the limbic system takes over. This is your emotional center, your drama queen of a brain. It's all panic, no plan. So even if your inner wisdom knows you're overreacting, your body's like nope. We're going to DEFCON 1 over this unanswered text. And here's the kicker staying in that state too long. Here's what you get Chronic stress, fatigue, burnout, health issues, because you're not just emotionally drained, you're physically wrecked too.
Speaker 1:So this is the part where we ask the question what is emotional stability? Well, let's clear it up right off the top, because emotional stability it's not about being happy all the time, it's not toxic positivity and it's not pretending that things don't hurt. It's about being able to experience a full range of emotions without being ruled by them. It's your ability to pause instead of react, or know when to sit with a feeling and honor it and nurture it and when to move through it and this one can be tricky. And it's about being able to bounce back instead of spiral down. It's the ability to self-regulate, to notice your emotional temperature rising and say, okay, let's take a beat.
Speaker 1:Once again and I think I say this every episode awareness is key. This is your chance to tune in, listen and really get to know these parts of yourself and identify what this looks like on you and where you're at. This is no time to judge. It's not good, it's not bad, it just is All right.
Speaker 1:Now let's talk about what it feels like when you've got emotional stability on lock, Because spoiler alert it's less crying in your car while voice noting your therapist and more like main character energy with a side of inner peace. Because when you're emotionally stable, you're going to feel centered, like no matter what chaos is happening outside. You are anchored inside and you're going to feel calm, but not numb. You still feel everything, just not all at once or out of proportion. You're going to feel safe in your own skin, because you're not chasing external validation, because you will have internal peace which will make you feel unshakable, not because life doesn't hit hard or because you're playing small, but because you trust your ability to handle whatever comes for you. It's sexy, it's powerful and, best of all, it's contagious. Emotionally stable people create safe spaces wherever they go.
Speaker 1:Now, on a personal note, I have to say that this has been one of the most measurable, observable benefits that I've gotten from applying Mojo Mastery. My friends have even commented on it, like I was talking to my friend Kip the other day, and I was talking to her about boys, as usual, and I was telling her about how I'd been canceled on again and, among other conversations, she remarked about how much more composed and like less spirally I was about the whole thing and it got me thinking why and also how, and I wanted to ask myself these questions consciously so that I could A share them with you you cutie, patootie and B really anchor my awareness in what to do next time, because there always going to be a next time and we can do a little on the go practice right now. I call it the three R's to regulate your mojo. Our goal here back to baseline, not a high high, not a low, low, out of the chaos and back to you, and we can do it. It's you, me and some science versus the noise. Let's go.
Speaker 1:The first thing that you want to do is recognize what am I feeling. Name it Not bad or ugh. Get specific, like I feel anxious because I'm worried I'll disappoint someone. Shout out to my people pleasers, fway, fway, fway. Now step number two regulate. What do I need right now? Is it a deep breath? Is it a walk? Is it a cold splash of water? We're not looking for a fix, just a pause. You're not solving the problem. You're getting your brain and your body ready to be able to do so in your best interest. Just trying to solve the problem while you're spiraling is taking you nowhere. Good. And then number three is to respond. What's a wise, grounded step that I can take right now? And practice this today, and even just once a day, and you are going to start rewiring your emotional response system. And that's science, by the way, it's called neural plasticity. You're literally training your brain to stay calm under pressure. But regulating before or after is one thing, but regulating mid-trigger, that's next level, that's like Jedi level, mojo mastery.
Speaker 1:So let's do something wild and break down how to regulate when you're already in the spiral mid-trigger, mid-meltdown, mid-i'm gonna say something I'm gonna regret. First, we'll set the scene. You're there, your heart is pounding, your chest is tight, your jaw is clenched, your brain is gone, full toddler on a sugar high, and you can't string two calm thoughts together. You're not thinking, you're reacting. So here's what's happening physiologically your amygdala, which is your fear center, she driving right now, all right. And your prefrontal cortex, that's the logic part of your brain yeah, she gone, she's missing in action. Your body is drenched in cortisol and adrenaline and you're officially in fight, flight, freeze fawn territory.
Speaker 1:Now the goal here is to get the body to calm down so the brain can come back online. So this is where we dig into our toolbox for mid-trigger tools. These are the big five. Number one name it to tame it. The moment you feel hijacked, say what's happening out loud or in your head. If you're not alone, you can say I'm feeling activated right now and I'm not okay. But I know that this is a reaction and not a reflection of who I am, and simply saying that immediately starts moving your brain out of survival mode and into awareness.
Speaker 1:Then there's number two do something with your body, because your nervous system is physical. You can't think your way calm. You have to move your way there. So you can try a cold water splash. This resets your vagus nerve. You can do box breathing, so inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. Or you can do a wall push. Stand and push a wall as hard as you can. It gives your body something to do with all of that frenetic energy, because this is your chance to signal we're safe, we're okay.
Speaker 1:Number three orient the room. This is called grounding. Your body thinks you're in danger, so you got to remind it where you are. So you do these three things. You look around and you name three things. You can see two things, you can hear, one thing, you can touch. This helps re-anchor your senses into the present and not the emotional past or the scary imagined future. Remember, the imagination is a toy and a weapon. Awareness and facts are your friends here. Number four repeat a regulating mantra.
Speaker 1:Mid-trigger is not the time for self-criticism. You need safety, not shame. So I want you to use short phrases like I'm safe, I'm here and just repeat it over and over and over again this feeling is temporary, I can ride this wave, and a simple, steady mantra acts like an emotional anchor until the storm passes. And then, for number five, you're going to want to pause your reaction because you may want to send the text, or snap at your partner or rage, quit your job. And you can do that. It's up to you. Choices, right, but don't do it in this state.
Speaker 1:If you're mid-trigger, delay the response, because even 10 minutes of cooling down can change what you say or do. You can try saying like I need a minute to come back to myself, or let me step away for a moment, or just close the app, put down the phone, unclench your jaw and repeat to yourself I can feel big feelings without letting them control me. I can slow down even in the heat of the moment. This is what it looks like to rewire, this is what healing feels like. So you're like I don't know. This sounds like a lot of work.
Speaker 1:So what's in it for you? Well, here's what happens when you start regulating mid-trigger regularly. First of all, you're going to get a whole bunch of time back, because you're going to snap out of these spirals way faster and you're going to build some trust with yourself. That's going to feel like a coat of armor and it's going to feel great because your reactions won't leave you with this shame hangover the next day and the people around you. They're going to feel safer, and so will you, and you'll start creating space between those triggers and your response, and that space is your power.
Speaker 1:And if this still feels like a lot to remember, and if this still feels like a lot to remember, here's a quick acronym Stab the trigger. It's cheeky but effective. So S is for stop, literally freeze your reaction. T take a breath. Just one In for four. Hold for four, out for four, hold for four. The A is for acknowledge you gotta say it out loud this is a trigger, this is old stuff showing up. And the B is for your body Do something physical to calm your nervous system.
Speaker 1:And you start practicing this and you will be shocked how quickly you shift from reactive to responsive. It's emotional fitness and it's sexy and it's sovereign and it's mojo as fuck. Because, look, life is gonna life. People will test your patience, plans will fall apart and feelings will bubble up like soda in a shaken can and you can't control that, but emotional stability, that can be your superpower and it'll build resilience. When you get knocked down, you're not going to stay down and it gives a glow up to your relationships because you feel safer, steadier, and you're going to want to communicate more because you won't be pulling punches out of fear, which will boost your confidence. When you trust yourself to handle whatever comes, you can stop living in fear. Think of all the free time you'll have. And it also creates clarity Clarity so that you can make better decisions because your nervous system isn't hijacking the wheel and you can concentrate on how to live your life without these kinds of interactions. And it can help you evaluate the kind of people that you hang with and the spaces that you find yourself, because being cool under pressure is not just impressive, it's magnetic. You're going to walk into a room and people will feel it, and that's mojo baby.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you a quick story. There was a time a couple months ago when someone that I cared about totally blindsided me with a text message. There was a time a couple months ago when someone that I cared about totally blindsided me with a text message that felt like a gut punch in a group chat when all I was trying to do was be supportive and the old people-pleasing obsessed me would have hit panic mode, spun a million stories in my head and maybe even sent a regrettable wall of apology text. But this time I felt it, I took a breath, I put my phone down, I made a cup of tea, I spent time with my thoughts and my feelings for a second and really unpacked what was written and what it made me feel, and once I could feel my heart rate return to normal and my thoughts become more clear, I reached out. Instead of reacting, I responded with clarity and calm and kindness and power. And you know what? The situation didn't magically become perfect, but I stayed intact. That felt like power, I felt like freedom, and I caught myself reacting differently, and it was one of the first times that I was able to say to myself hey, girl, I'm proud of how far you've come and after everything that we've just covered here today, you've got everything you need to find yourself on that podium of pride and realize that you too have come so far, and all it takes is a bit of mojo.
Speaker 1:So if you're tired of feeling tossed around by your emotions like a leaf in the wind. Remember, the real flex is emotional stability. It's not cold, it's not boring, it's bold and it's badass and it's available to you right now. Try the three R's today Just once. See how it feels. And if this episode gave you something to think about, send it to someone who's navigating their own storm. Go on, share the love Because listen, emotional stability isn't some boring beige personality trait, it's a damn superpower.
Speaker 1:And when you're emotionally stable, you become the eye of the storm, not the flying lawn chair. You're the thermostat, not the thermometer. You set the tone. You do not absorb the chaos. So next time life tries to drag you into the drama, remember you don't need to match energy, you regulate it. You don't need to react, you respond. You don't need to be loud to be powerful, you just need to be grounded. And the real flex, it's walking through fire without letting it burn down your peace. So if this episode, let a spark, share it with that friend that needs a little reminder that calm is the new confidence. And don't forget Mojo gummies are your delicious little sidekick on the road to emotional regulation. So you can hit the link in the show notes for 15% off your next moment of clarity. So until next time, keep your head held high, your nervous system chill and your pockets full of Mojo. That's it for me, my friend. This has been Steph, your mojo maven, telling you to stay fabulous and go rock the day. Ciao for now. Love you, bye.
