Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Confidence Rehab for Recovering People-Pleasers
Have you ever silenced your own voice?
Perhaps you've written down a brilliant idea, underlined it twice, but kept quiet because "they've probably already thought of this" or "I don't want to seem pushy"?
That sinking feeling afterward isn't just disappointment—it's the awareness that you've abandoned yourself again.
True confidence isn't about power suits or perfect Instagram feeds. It's about refusing to silence the truth you already know.
For recovering people-pleasers, confidence got buried under layers of approval-seeking behaviour, not because it disappeared, but because somewhere along the line, you learned that being agreeable was safer than being authentic.
The good news? What's learned can be unlearned.
This episode dismantles the myths keeping you small: that confident people never doubt themselves (everyone does—confidence is moving forward anyway), that you must be loud to be confident (quiet confidence is incredibly powerful), and that confidence belongs to others, not you (it's both innate and a skill you can build).
You'll discover practical tools to reclaim your confidence: revolutionizing your self-talk, making micro-brave moves daily, collecting evidence of your courage, and finding your confidence anthem.
Because confidence isn't about becoming someone new—it's about remembering who you were before the world convinced you to play small.
Ready to stop shrinking and start shining? Look in the mirror today and say: "I don't have to be perfect to be powerful."
Then do one tiny brave thing.
That's how the fire starts.
Take a screenshot of this episode, tag me @most_stephinately, and write "My confidence isn't loud, it's mine." Let's build a world of kind, sassy, generous humans who are confident because of who they are, not in spite of it.
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Hey, hey, you're listening to Pocketful of Mojo, the podcast that helps you find your fire, fuel your focus and live fully charged. And I'm your host, steph the Mojo Maven. I'm that friend that you can talk to about your feelings, and if you're here to drop the guilt, ditch the pressure and take up space that you are always meant to own, you are exactly where you're meant to be. Let's go get our mojo back and get tuned in, tapped in and turned on. Okay, deep breath, wide stance, hands on hips, shoulders back. Today we're talking about confidence, darling, but not the cheesy kind, Not the overhyped, glossy Instagram version with the power suit and the perfect life. I'm talking about the real stuff, the kind of confidence that feels like coming home to yourself and really like embodying all that you know to be true and to get us there. I want to start with a story. It's a quick one, but it was many years ago and I was sitting in a meeting surrounded by brilliant, loud, successful, fast-talking people, and I had this idea, and it was a good one, and I even wrote down this good idea in my notepad and I underlined it twice, but it didn't speak up Because there was this voice in my head that kept telling me that they've probably already thought of this and it's not that important and I don't want to come off as pushy. So I stayed quiet and I smiled and I nodded and I left that room carrying this sinking feeling that I'd abandoned myself again and it was as if the voice in my head had turned into a disappointed teacher and I was being lectured by someone that I totally let down and I had I'd let down myself and that was one of many moments that taught me that confidence isn't about saying the right thing, it's about not silencing the truth that you already know. So let's talk about that feeling, because maybe you know that feeling too.
Speaker 1:Lacking confidence feels like being stuck inside yourself and you're like watching life happen behind this glass wall. It's like you want to speak but the words get like tangled and trapped in your throat and you want to be seen, but their visibility also kind of feels vulnerable and it feels like exposure and you want to take up space. You want to be that person, but you're afraid of being too much or even not enough. I know I can tell my confidence is low when I start second guessing every decision or replaying conversations in my head like a highlight reel of regret. It's needing five people to sign off on something that your gut already told you. It's walking into a room and immediately scanning for what to fix or what to adjust about yourself and all the old tropes. You know you say yes when you mean no. You shrink even when you're bursting with ideas. And then the old Canadian standby you apologize for things that aren't your fault, just to keep the peace. And the worst part you know there's more in you, but the fear of rejection or the getting it wrong. It just builds this wall between who you are and who you think you're allowed to be.
Speaker 1:Why do we feel this way? Well, because somewhere along the line you were taught that being agreeable was safer than being you, than being authentic, and you learned that being liked meant staying small and staying out of the way. Add a dash of being praised for being easygoing or helpful or accommodating, and then punished, even subtly, for being bold or honest or difficult. Your confidence didn't disappear. It got buried under layers of approval-seeking self-doubt and learned survival habits.
Speaker 1:So let's look at these myths that keep us stuck. Let's break down the bullshit that we've been fed all this time, because myth number one is that confident people never doubt themselves. I call bullshit because the truth is is that everyone doubts themselves and confidence it's just the decision to move anyway. Some call it DeLulu. And then there's myth number two you have to be loud to be confident, or confident people are loud. If that doesn't resonate with like who you see yourself to be, that could make you kind of want to avoid behaving with confidence. But the truth here is is that that is also bullshit, because quiet confidence is super powerful. It's the I know who I am, energy that doesn't need approval. And then the third myth is that confidence it's for other people, it's for the extroverts, it's for the brave people, it's for the born leaders. Again, I'm going to have to call bullshit because the truth is is that confidence going to have to call bullshit?
Speaker 1:Because the truth is, is that confidence it's not a personality trait, we're all born with it and it's also a skill and you can build it. Because here's the good news what's learned? Like our people, pleasing behavior and our need for approval from others. That can be unlearned. And your confidence, it's not gone, it's just waiting for permission to come home. And just like you learned to be small before you knew what was going on. Now that you do know what's going on, you can learn to be confident.
Speaker 1:So, on this podcast, we come here to be practical. So let's look at some tools to build confidence. You ready, let's get into some mojo tested people, pleaser approved tools. So, number one you need to talk to yourself like someone that you love, like, love, love. And you can start from where you are. And it doesn't have to go from zero to 60 right away, like when I was in deep people pleasing mode.
Speaker 1:My inner voice was brutal. Every time I messed up I was like, oh, you're such an idiot and why would you say that? And oh, you're too much. And oh, come on, you're not enough. And then one day someone I was in this workshop and we were talking about self-talk and the question was asked if you were to look at those examples of like you're such an idiot and why would you say that? How would you feel if your best friend spoke to you that way? I was like I would feel terrible. And then they asked would you ever speak to your best friend like this? And I was like hell, no. So I started to rewrite that script. I started to pay way more attention. Write that script, I started to pay way more attention. So now, when that inner critic shows up, or my inner saboteur, whom I have named Charlotte and she's a dick, I counter her with kindness, I take her stupid words and I speak to myself kindly and I remind myself to keep going.
Speaker 1:So the mojo move here is to catch one negative thought today, flip it into something kind, even if you don't believe it yet. Yet is the key here. But dialing up that awareness and practicing that language and finding your language of how you want to talk to you. I can't do that for you and that will help you with our second practical tool, which is make your brave moves. Micro-brave moves, like don't wait for the big stage moment to feel confident. You can build it in the tiny things Sending that email you've been putting off, wearing the outfit that makes you feel a little extra, saying no without a whole essay after, or just speaking your truth, even if your voice is going to shake, because confidence builds like reps at the gym. Every micro brave move you take, that's one more drop of. I've got this, which really helps fuel the third tool, which is collect your receipts. I want you to start a running list called damn, I did that. Like every time you do something brave or honest or just plain hard, write it down and then, when doubt creeps in or you're faced with something you really don't want to do, that's going to call on some of that courage. You can pull that list out and remind yourself you've been building confidence all along. Now you just have to claim it. And for number four this is a personal one from me to you I want you to find your anthem.
Speaker 1:Music can be so powerful, I know. For me, there are just certain songs that just get me so hyped and help me tap into my inner badass, like Chaka Khan, I'm Every Woman. There's this band, jungle, I really love and their song like Would you Know About Me? I just feel like get me a runway. I've got this, I've got a cape and wings and like feel unstoppable. And these songs, and like so many other ones, they just fill my veins with this, like bold, strong, empowered energy, and it just helps me remember that all this power and strength are always there, just waiting to be called on, and I use these songs in my every day, or before I go on a date, or before a presentation and, yeah, even before recording these podcasts, ooh, maybe I should make a mojo playlist for you guys. Would you be into it? Make sure you reach out and let me know. And if you have some anthems that get you in the groove, make sure you share them with me, because we can build the best playlist ever.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, let's continue, because I'm just really want to remind you that confidence isn't loud, it's not bossy and it's also not bulletproof. Confidence is in the knowing and in the saying to yourself I'm not going to abandon myself today and I can trust my gut, and I don't need everyone to like me. I need to like me. Everything else is, at most, secondary and for recovering people pleasers, that shift is everything, because confidence isn't about becoming someone new. It's about remembering who you were before the world convinced you to play small and loving every bit of it and really stepping into it and owning it unapologetically. So your mojo move for today is to look into the mirror today and say I don't have to be perfect to be powerful, and say it like you're telling the truth, because you are. Then go do one tiny brave thing today. One action, one moment, one spark that's how the fire starts.
Speaker 1:So if this episode hit home, let's make it viral. I want you to take a screenshot, tag me at most definitely and write my confidence isn't loud, it's mine, fuck. Is there anything more empowering than that? That's confidence, baby. And then send this to someone who's been hiding their power, someone who deserves to stop shrinking and really start shining. Let's build a world of kind, sassy, generous humans who are confident because of who they are and not in spite of it. So to sign off, you don't have to do more. To be more, you just need to come home to yourself and just like that, you've got your very own pocketful of mojo. So remember, friends, don't shrink. Don't you settle? Take up some space and stay sparkly. I love you. Ciao, for now, mwah.
