Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
My Needs Are Not Your Burden
Ever found yourself second-guessing your needs or downplaying your desires for fear of being labeled "too much"? You're not alone. This fear of appearing high maintenance isn't random—it's carefully cultivated through messages that have taught us, especially women and people pleasers, that having clear boundaries makes us difficult to love.
But what if I told you that what's often dismissed as "high maintenance" is actually just having standards? Think about powerhouse women like Zendaya, Reese Witherspoon, and Serena Williams. They're frequently labeled "difficult" or "demanding" when they're simply refusing to compromise their worth. They demonstrate what it looks like to protect your energy without apology—and you deserve to do the same.
The difference between entitled behavior and healthy standards is crucial. Standards aren't about perfection; they're about alignment. They represent knowing what works for you, how you deserve to be treated, and having the courage to communicate those boundaries. When you start honoring your standards, something magical happens—relationships shift, with some people falling away and others rising to meet you. You begin attracting partners who respect your time, friends who value your honesty, and work that honors your boundaries. That's not high maintenance—it's simply healthy.
Remember this powerful mantra the next time you worry about asking for too much: "I'm not too much. I'm just no longer willing to accept too little." Because you're not here to be the most agreeable version of yourself. You're here to be the most aligned version. Ready to raise your standards? Your pocket full of mojo awaits.
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welcome to pocket full of mojo, where we trade burnout for boundaries, people pleasing for power and hustle for happiness. Let's fill your pockets with the good stuff. This is your space to breathe deeper, think bigger and start living like you've got your own back. Let's do this. And today we're going to look at this fear of too much and we'll look at how it shows up, especially for people pleasers, and we're going to find out where it comes from, how it messes with your self-worth. And then we're going to learn how to talk about our standards a bit differently and start flipping that narrative for good, because, god forbid, anybody thinks you're difficult. And we're going to unpack that too. Because here's the thing Wanting what you want isn't high maintenance, it's just called having standards. So, my sassy star lights, let's get to it and get tuned in, tapped in and turned on. Hello, my friend, welcome back to Pocket Full of Mojo. It's me, I'm Steph, your Mojo Maven, and I'm the permission slip giver outer for all your personal needs and desires today. So this is the episode.
Speaker 1:This is the episode where you get to rub the lamp and start thinking and training your brain to make bigger dreams. Because what if I told you that A. It's free. Making wishes cost the same, no matter how big you dream, and in this economy that's worth sticking around for. And number two, what you think you deserve and what you actually deserve. All that dimes to donuts that you deserve way more than you currently think. So this is our exercise in stretching that muscle to practice thinking bigger than seems possible in this moment. Just for funsies, give me 20 minutes. Humor me, okay.
Speaker 1:So today we're going to start by talking about something that trips up so many of us when it comes to thinking big for ourselves, and it's this ridiculous fear of being seen as high maintenance or too much. You know the one, that little asshole voice that says Don't ask for too much. Don know the one, that little asshole voice that says don't ask for too much, don't rock the boat, just go with the flow, be easy, be cool, don't have an opinion. And to that voice inside all of us I say shut up. And I started really looking at where this high maintenance fear really comes from. And this fear doesn't show up out of nowhere, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has this fear. So let's assume that I'm not alone.
Speaker 1:And for many of us, especially women, especially recovering people pleasers. We've been fed this message our whole lives Be easy, be likable, don't take up too much space, don't be extra, don't inconvenience anyone. And maybe we weren't hit over the head with these words directly, or maybe you were. But these messages can come disguised in all kinds of ways, like the way certain kinds of people are portrayed in TV and movies, or stereotypes of starlets and divas who knew what they wanted and needed things a certain way, always exaggerated, always on the superficial, always almost always women. So, as a kid, we're learning how people who behave that way are treated by the rest of society, and either it's your jam or it's not, and then you learn how to behave accordingly. And for most of us people pleasers, we're hardwired to keep the peace, so having boundaries and preferences can kind of be foreign or an afterthought. Did you know that afterthought was one word? I did not know that afterthought was one word.
Speaker 1:Anywho, society wraps all this up with a bow and calls it being a good person. But here's what's really happening. We're being conditioned to associate having needs with being selfish, and we're being conditioned to believe that having preferences is being demanding. And we're conditioned to believe that asking for what we want makes us difficult to love. And so what do we do? We shrink, we apologize for all the things oh, and I'm Canadian, so I like double that and we downplay our desires. We stop exploring them entirely and we downplay our desires. We stop exploring them entirely and we find ourselves lowering our standards to avoid the risk of being labeled too much. Because if we are labeled too much, then that would be awful and no one would love us and we would be one of those people. And we know what society does to them they hate them. I can't ask for too much, and every time we do that, every time we indulge in that narrative, we chip away at our own self-respect. And I'm holding your hand when I say this ain't, nobody got time for that.
Speaker 1:So now I'd like to introduce a little segment I like to call high maintenance is just code for standards, is just code for standards. You know what's wild? We hear high maintenance like it's an insult, and most of the time it's just someone who knows what they want, isn't afraid to say it and holds people accountable to meet it. Let me give you a few examples. Because these women, they get called high maintenance all the time.
Speaker 1:Zendaya, zendaya, zendaya, total sweetheart, sweetest mile in Hollywood. And yet she has tight standards about how her image is used and who she works with and how her career is going to go down. And she's turned down huge projects because they didn't align with her values. And that's not being a diva, that's self-trust, that's a commitment to your own vision and not giving away your best stuff to make somebody else's dreams come true. Which makes me think about our Lady Queen, reese Witherspoon. She could have stayed America's sweetheart forever. Instead, she got tired of reading scripts where the female lead said what are we going to do? And she built her own damn production company so that she could create the kinds of roles that she knew that women deserved and had the caliber to do.
Speaker 1:Clear standards, high expectations, zero apologies. And you can't thank fierce female without thinking about Serena Williams, powerhouse, one of the greatest athletes in history period. And yet she gets intense and aggressive and too much To the point where it sounds like blatantly oppressive, because she demands excellence from herself and the people around her. And that's not high maintenance, that's owning your worth. And the pattern here is that it's only called high maintenance when a woman has clear standards, when she asks for more than the bare minimum, the bare minimum, like we're supposed to accept that, like it's a gift, and when she's not afraid to say this is what I need to do my best work, live my best life and to protect my peace. That seems all very reasonable. So the next time you start worrying, am I being too much?
Speaker 1:I want you to picture these women. They're not shrinking, they're not apologizing and they're not lowering the bar so that other people feel comfortable. Not lowering the bar so that other people feel comfortable, and they're modeling what it looks like to protect your energy. And you, you're allowed to do the same. You don't need to win 10 grand slams before you can protect your peace. You don't need to have your own production company before you start setting boundaries for yourself, because for people pleasers, it's like this perfect storm for us to not do that.
Speaker 1:Naturally, because we're hyper attuned to other people's comfort and we prioritize the harmony of everyone over being honest with ourself first, and we'd rather sacrifice our own needs before risking disappointing someone else Fuck. You'd rather sacrifice your right arm before risking disappointing someone else Fuck. You'd rather sacrifice your right arm before risking disappointing someone else. So how are we supposed to do all that and have boundaries and standards and have everyone like us? Well, spoiler alert, you don't. Because guess what, the more you bend to what you think is good for everyone, the less people actually get to know about you, because you've become a mirror of people around you and there's no actual you in the room. So people don't actually expect much from you at all. And that's not harmony, that's self-abandonment. And you, you've got so much more to give than that. So let's rewire our coconuts and remember that standards are not demands. Say it with me now Standards are not demands.
Speaker 1:Let's break this down. High maintenance is unreasonable, is being inflexible, is being entitled. You know the kind. They're usually wearing boat shoes. Now, having standards, it's clarity, it's intention, it's on purpose, it's self-respect. Those things don't sound aggressive or violent or mean, because having standards means that you know what works for you and sometimes, more importantly, what does not. And having standards means you know how you want to be treated. You know what your values are, and this last one's a be treated. You know what your values are and this last one's a kicker You're willing to communicate them. Because that's the funny caveat about boundaries they only exist once they're enforced, otherwise they're just theory. It's not like you demand perfection, that would be unreasonable. You're just asking for alignment, which is totally not unreasonable.
Speaker 1:So let's shift the self-talk from shit talk to pep talk. Okay, how do we start flipping this inside our own heads? Because this fear isn't just out there, it lives in our self-talk too. So here's some language you can start practicing. Instead of well, I don't want to be difficult, you can try. Well, you know what, I'm allowed to have preferences.
Speaker 1:And instead of talking yourself down and saying, well, you know, I should just be grateful, try, I can be grateful and want better for myself. And instead of I don't want to inconvenience anyone, try, my needs are valid and I'm not an inconvenience. Or if that little voice in your head is trying to lie to you and say, maybe I'm asking for too much, tell that bitch to shut up and try instead, what I'm asking for just meets my needs. That feels correct. And my personal favorite mantra for this work I'm asking for just meets my needs. That feels correct. And my personal favorite mantra for this work I'm not too much. I'm just no longer willing to accept too little.
Speaker 1:And we can't do all this talking and forget entirely about Newton's third law of motion, because that would be silly. You know the one Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Now, I know this is law and physics, but I'm pretty sure it applies here too. Stay with me, because when you start holding standards for yourself, there's a shift. There's your relationships shift and some people fall away and let them. Right, please, god, let them. They liked you because they maybe they didn't have to do anything right.
Speaker 1:And when you start holding standards for yourself, the people may rise to meet you and they probably want in on what's your secret sauce. Because you feel more peaceful, not because life is perfect, but because you're not abandoning yourself to keep the peace. It kind of feels badass, to be honest. And then, before you know it, you start attracting partners who respect your time, because you're not giving it away for free anymore. You got friends who celebrate your honesty and even seek it out from you. You got work that honors your boundaries, because now they actually know that you have some, because peace doesn't require you to be exhausted, you don't have to earn it, but you can create the environment where that's just your baseline and that's not high maintenance, that's just healthy.
Speaker 1:So here's your reminder. You are allowed to want more, you are allowed to hold standards. You're allowed to have needs and you should be able to name them and know what they are. And you're not here to be the most agreeable version of yourself. You're here to be the most aligned version of yourself. And that, my friend, is your pocket full of mojo for today. So if this hit home for you, I'd love to hear what standard you're ready to race. So DM me, tag me, send me a carrier pigeon and make sure that you share that mojo, and boop this episode over to a friend who needs this reminder.
Speaker 1:And speaking of standards, is it time to level up your mental clarity game? Are you tired of navigating brain fog and forgetting why you walked in the room? Well then, I want to introduce you to my friend, the Mojo Gummies. Friends of the show get 15% off this amazing, all natural, delicious mushroom gummy that makes me sharp, focused, productive, zero crash. And did I mention they're delicious? And no, they're not those kinds of gummies. But you can grab your promo link in the show notes today and you can come back and thank me later. Seriously, folks, these can be a game changer. If you're at all neuro spicy, give them a try and be sure to tune in to our next episode where we look at confidence and we're not going to pull any punches. And, of course, until next time, I want you to stay kind, stay curious and keep your pocket full of love. You ciao for now, bye.
