Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Unpacking Your Self Image: It's Surface but Not Shallow
Self-image goes deeper than just appearance, influencing how we carry ourselves, speak, make decisions, and experience life as the bridge between self-perception and self-worth.
In this episode, we'll dig deeper past the surface of self image to uncover a few gems. Like:
• When we don't consciously shape our self-image, we risk letting the outside world define us
• The clothing-mood connection works both ways – what we wear can influence how we feel and vice versa
• Identifying outdated beliefs about yourself is the first step to rewriting your self-image story
• Common myths include that self-image is just about looks, that changing it is vain, and that it requires a big personality
• When you own your self-image, you stop waiting for permission to take up space
Subscribe to this podcast and follow me on Instagram @most_stephinately for daily mantras and affirmations. Check out the show notes for promo codes for Mojo gummies, my seven-day Mojo makeover challenge, and a five-question quiz to start your Mojo journey.
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self-image. It might be surface, but it's not shallow. This is a gem I picked up at a networking event recently, and the cool thing about self-image is that it's constantly changing, which makes it feel so impossible to define. So I want to find out what self-image is exactly, like exactly. And I want to find out what it isn't, how it's formed and what influences it Like. Do we influence our own self-image? What if we could? What would that look like? These questions and more on this episode of Pocketful of Mojo.
Speaker 1:And if you're new here and asking, uh, what's Mojo? Well, mojo is that feeling of unshakable confidence, that booming self-worth, like you're an unstoppable force of nature. Sometimes it happens by accident, but I'm here to show you how you can have that feeling every single day. And, the best part, you can do it too and you're ready. You can start from right where you are, because, you see, I think I've cracked the code to being happy. I'm happy all the freaking time every day, at least most of the day, and possibly to an annoying degree. But hey, I wasn't always this way, not to flex, but I have had breakdowns on multiple continents and in two languages. Look, three years ago, my whole life dumpster fire. I lost my marriage and my mom within weeks of each other, and I left a home in France that I love and had turned into a shell of a human being. I had to start from the bottom, start from scratch. It's where you start when you don't know who you are or what you want or where to start. And spoiler alert thanks to Mojo, I can say that I'm better today than I've ever been, and I bet you want to know how Well. In short, I did it by paying attention and by living with more intention, and along the way, I've created this self-love first aid kit, and it's full of amazing tools that help me level up and navigate life with that main character energy everybody's talking about, and I can triumph over life's ups and downs with grace and awareness and confidence that I have everything I need and a hot take. You also have everything you need, and I'm not here to gatekeep. I want to show you how you can too. In fact, I'm on a mission to help you tap into your best stuff and remember that you have everything you need to live your life on your own terms. So hello, hello, hello and welcome to Pocketful of Mojo. Once again, I'm Steph, I'm your Mojo Maven, your emotional Sherpa, that friend that you can talk to about your feelings, and I'm so glad you're here. Quick reminder am I a therapist? And no, do I have a degree in psychology. Look, I'm a flawed human being and a recovering people pleaser who's just figured out how to tap into our best stuff. So I'm here to remind you of how awesome you are and point you in the direction of some tools that's going to help you remember that you are worthy to live the life you love and love the life you live you in. Let's do this Now.
Speaker 1:All of this inside work is nice and all, but we are stardust in a human body, or a magic meat suit, as I like to call it. So there comes a time, on the adventure of falling in love with yourself, where we take a look at our look, and that's look with a capital L, because there are more than five senses. Let me explain. You know how you can meet somebody and they look how they look, and then you get to know them and they look different. Like with time, you see them differently. They have more depth, more sparkle, more mystery or more weird vibes, or good vibes, you know, sometimes you can just feel it, and the same goes for your self-image. Sometimes you can look at yourself and be like dang, looking good, and then, a couple of days or even a couple of hours later, you catch a glimpse of yourself in some awful winter's dressing room with horrible fluorescent lighting and think, oh my god, I left the house looking like this. Now this is the same person we're talking about. So what changed? I can't blame everything on bad lighting, although I've tried. So why does self-image shift and change so much? Who's driving the bus? And can I please speak to the manager? Just kidding. But let's get to the bottom of this whole self-image thing once and for all.
Speaker 1:So let's start by expanding on the concept of self-image. What is it exactly? Because self-image is often mistaken for something shallow like just how we look or how we dress or how we present ourselves. But that's just our image, our physical, objective self. But self-image runs deeper than that. It influences how we carry ourselves, how we speak, the decisions we make, the boundaries we set and, ultimately, how we go out and experience our life. Self-image is that bridge between self-perception and self-worth.
Speaker 1:Stay with me here, because what I've figured out is that when we don't pay any attention to our self-image or if it's not in our consciousness or awareness, we can make the very human mistake of letting the outside world define us. Uh, have you seen the outside world lately? Yikes, no thanks. So what if we took the time to lean into this idea of self-image, approach it with a scooch of intention and get our game on? I mean, you're always talking about wanting to build confidence and act in alignment with your best stuff and show up with a glow up. So what would happen if this was the ticket? Because if self image isn't about just looks, then what is it about? And I think it's the story that we tell ourselves, because your voice will always be the loudest voice in any room that you're in.
Speaker 1:Write that down, and I want you to keep that in mind as we unpack this very tricky concept. I mean, think for a moment about what you're doing when you surrender your self-image to the outside world. Honey, I don't need to tell you that the world can be a weird, cruel, unfair and distorted place. Do you really want the world in charge of something so important as the story you tell yourself about yourself? Not on my watch. So now that we have this awareness, we can start to write the story ourselves and don't be fooled by old recipes.
Speaker 1:I was scrolling around on the internets the other day and stumbled on so many who wore it best kind of posts, and I was like maybe we just stop with the idea of comparison and that it's healthy or necessary, and I commented as such. So let's take the brush out of some stranger's hand and start to paint our own picture of self-love and beauty, because basing our self-image on what we understand as standards from the outside world, it can be dangerous, baseless and harmful. We really cannot underestimate the power of the society that we live in. We need to be careful, we need to be aware and it's good to know the rules of the game that we live in. We need to be careful, we need to be aware and it's good to know the rules of the game that we're playing.
Speaker 1:Keeping your head up and staying aware of some of the booby traps scattered throughout adulthood that no one tells you about it can save you a whole lot of self-loathing. You see, when I was a wee lass, a teenager in the 90s, I wanted to be an actress. I loved the stage, I took many classes and I performed in all the local plays. So it was natural that I would pursue this as a dream right, and I thought so too, until I really put some thought behind it and, knowing that I was a fragile, people-pleasing, self-conscious young lady, I really had to think twice before taking this on as a goal. I knew in quotation marks based on what society had told me, that I wasn't conventionally beautiful. I wasn't the pretty one at my school, I never had a boyfriend and was further educated based on TV movies, magazines about what beauty was, and I was self-aware, observant or smart enough to know that I wasn't that model. And I saw how women's beauty and image was measured in society and in the entertainment world especially, and you can trust that the brief for an actress in the 90s was hella different than it is today. Inclusion and diversity just wasn't a thing. And I knew that if I pursued a life in acting, that I would face constant comparison, rejection, and I knew myself well enough to know that this was not the life for 18 year old me. I knew that to pursue my dream I would have to be ready to be critiqued on things that were not in my control by total strangers who held the power to hire me, or maybe so much power as to whether or not my bills got paid that month. I knew the game, understood the rules and decided to tap out. Maybe it's something I'll pick up again one day, but looking back, I'm glad I took care of myself by making the hard choice to walk away from a big dream, not because I didn't love acting enough, but because I loved my mental health enough and my value system just wasn't a match. So for me it was a no for me, dog.
Speaker 1:Another hobby that I dabbled in as a teenager was depression. You know the one the overwhelming feeling of being swallowed by sadness and bursts of uncontrollable crying episodes that surface for no apparent reason, the confusion and feeling of utter helplessness. To get out from under the heavy weight of feelings you can't control them all just to save your life. Surely driven hard by the roller coaster of puberty, I constantly found myself navigating blind through random faucet of tears, crushing self-doubt and constant confusion. Because I was self-aware enough to know my life on the outside was fine. I had no trauma I could point to that would explain these powerful and overwhelming feelings I was having, and I remember sitting at the kitchen table with my mom bawling for apparently no reason and just looking at my forlorn and very confused mother saying I don't know why. I'm just so sad all the time.
Speaker 1:And my dear sweet mother, eternally compassionate and wise, replied rather uncharacteristically Well, all you do is wear black. Try putting on some color once in a while. I was gobsmacked. How could she think it was so simple, these feelings I was having. They were so complex, and how could she think that my clothes were affecting my mood? Well, this is exhibit 248 of how my mom was always right, because not even a few days later, I found myself feeling rather good. I didn't feel a lump in my throat, I caught myself even having a giggle and a smile. And I looked down and there it was A fire engine, red collared shirt, bold, as bold could be, no black in sight. Now, did the shirt affect my mood or did my mood influence what color I would wear that day? And, to be honest, I think it's both. I think there's a relationship there between our consciousness and our emotions and our self-image that isn't always overt, but there is power there, one that we can harness and use like a tool in our toolbox, and that experience forever changed my relationship to clothes and color, and whether you subscribe to that theory or not, it's worth surveilling to see what role your clothes play in guiding your mood and emotions.
Speaker 1:And when we're talking about how we show up, it's undeniable that the wrapping paper of who we are plays a role. The inside can impact the outside and the outside can indeed have an impact on the inside. Think about professional athletes. When they're on the court or on the ice, they're in a uniform. Everyone looks the same to show that they're a team and even before the game they show up in suits like professionals. It's game time, it's serious business. The outside sets the tone for mindset and how they show up. The first time I saw this, it was the hockey team at my high school.
Speaker 1:Now, 16 and 17-year-olds wearing suits on game day highlights the very stark contrast in behavior that can be influenced by a suit, jacket and a tie on a kid that normally is pulling pigtails and chewing gum with his mouth open, but in a suit, shoulders are back, head is up and everything becomes more intentional. So why do they do this? To dial in, to elevate, to intentionally create evidence that this game is important. It's not just any old day, it's game day and I say this to you wearing a Jets jersey because it's playoff time. So what would happen if you showed up like that for yourself every day? Only you can say. And it makes me think about the episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine where Jake couldn't figure out why Captain Holt insisted that he wear a tie and he does all sorts of things to avoid having to do it, because it was just the rebel side of him and he couldn't figure out why. But by the end of the episode he realizes that he too is part of a team and a professional, and wearing a tie sends the message that not only is he part of that team, but he delivers his skill and knowledge as a professional and can command and demand for the world and his team to respond accordingly and like literally everything.
Speaker 1:Nothing is that simple, not even self-image, because when it comes to self-image, there are layers, and I've done the research so you don't have to. So check this out. So first there's the outer self-image. This is how we present ourselves our clothing, our body language, our voice, our energy. These things are typically observable. There's nothing subjective about it. If you're wearing jeans, there's no debate, that's what you're wearing. If you're soft-spoken and timid and hang out with your arms crossed in the corner, then that's a fact that can't be debated. It's not good or bad, it just is.
Speaker 1:Think of it as if you can capture it on video. That's your outer self-image. Then there's the inner self-image. These are the beliefs and the thoughts that we hold about ourselves. Now this is where it gets cool, because we can choose our beliefs. Beliefs are just thoughts that we think over and over again, so knowing that we can feed them and nurture them and design them the way we want our inner self-image to be. And then, finally, there's the projected self-image, the alignment between how we feel inside and what we show the world. This is what I was talking about earlier, when there is alignment between the inside and the outside. Now I want you to think about each of those for a moment. What do you think and believe about yourself? Does it show up in your outer self-image, consciously or subconsciously? Who is driving the bus?
Speaker 1:I remember when things were falling apart for me in France and I was lying on my bed and I looked over at my closet and I looked at my clothes and I almost fell asleep. It was so boring. I had work clothes and like two pair of boring pants and a nice top that didn't fit me anymore. And I was struck by a very conscious thought that wardrobe is not a reflection of the badass person that I am, but in reality it was exactly a reflection of who I was. I had become bored, uninspired. I'd become small, invisible. I was living in a different country, speaking a different language and, quite frankly, wasn't 100% sure who I was or what I was doing. So in that moment I made a decision, a decision to choose Choose how I was going to show up, choose what I wanted to wear, choose how I wanted to express myself. So I was going to put on my living with intention, look and get to work, and the French know what's up. This was my chance to tap into what they've got going on and play the game myself. Why not? The way that they dressed was so different from what I was doing, like what they would wear to the market was literally nicer than the nicest outfit I had in my closet. So I knew something was off on the inside and the outside and it needed my attention.
Speaker 1:Stat Now don't get it twisted. This isn't about fitting in. The key message here is that it's not about changing in order to fit into an external mold. It's about aligning how you see yourself with who you truly are and loving yourself to pieces, all of it. So let's lay some groundwork with an activity. This is about rewriting your self-image story. So the first step is to identify one outdated belief about yourself that no longer serves you. For example, I'm not confident, I have a big nose, I'm shy. No judgment, no spiraling. Stay grounded and hold space for these beliefs, because you're going to be breaking up with them shortly.
Speaker 1:Next we go to step two. Ask where did this belief come from? Is it true? Who would I be without it? Like for me, I used to think I had a big nose because I have my mom's nose and she hated her nose. So, of the many things she gave me, insecurity about my nose was one of them. She went so far as to ask me if I wanted to get a nose job at the tender age of 16, to which I politely declined after doing some soul searching and realizing that this may be something that helps me stand out, something the youngest of three and a people pleaser wanted desperately. So I went with that. I grew up just at the right time where fierce beauty standards were also paired with some of the more feminist ideals that I hold today. Thank goodness for that. And I loved my mom, so looking like her was kind of a gift in my eyes, despite her own self-image. So when I thought about who would I be without my big nose, I believed I wouldn't be myself, which takes us to the all-important step three Replace the outdated belief with an empowering belief. So, instead of saying I'm not confident, shift to I'm learning to trust myself. I don't have a big nose, I have my mom's nose, and that's our legacy. I'm not shy. I'm learning how to put myself in rooms where I feel safe and encouraged to be myself.
Speaker 1:I really want to encourage you, lovely listeners, to do yourselves a solid and actually write this down and read it daily for a week. Just watch what happens and how your thoughts, your moods and your wardrobe changes over that week, because it's always, always important to interrogate our reality. It's one of the keys to strong mojo, because we've grown up surrounded by a lot of myths and misconceptions. For example, one common myth self-image. It's all about your looks. The truth is, it's about the energy that you bring into the room.
Speaker 1:Another myth is that changing your self-image is vain. But the truth is it's about self-respect, self-love and self-alignment and, fun fact, this is all made up and we can do whatever we want, and people don't care as much as you think they do. And the more that you're you, the better you're going to feel. You're probably going to change. So how you show up is going to change, too Cool, no one is one thing. Let them be them. You do, you Fuck the rest.
Speaker 1:Now, another myth I want to expose is that a strong self-image is for people with confidence and big personalities. And maybe that's just not you, and this one is tricky, but here's the truth. The strongest self-image comes from loving your real, honest-to-goodness, realist, easiest version of yourself, no matter what that looks like. No matter what that looks like, you decide Period. And this myth does have some truth to it. It's just twisted a bit, and by that I mean that when you have a strong self-image, you end up curating your own confidence, and that lets your own unique personality shine, big or small, it's yours and that's the cool part. And there is no judge or jury or scorecard, and there's no opinion that matters enough to dictate how you show up in the world. That, my dear listener, is 100%, entirely up to you.
Speaker 1:So for some final takeaways, just remember that self-image is a tool for growth. Your self-image, it should be a reflection of your values, your strengths and your authenticity, and not those outside external expectations. Remember that small changes in your thoughts, in your posture, in your self-talk, they have the power to create big shifts in confidence and presence, because self-image isn't static. It evolves as you grow. So this is the part where you get to own that evolution, because when you own your self-image, you stop waiting for permission to take up space, and that's where the magic happens.
Speaker 1:And with that, my lovelies, I will wrap up this very special episode of Pocketful of Mojo Mercy Boku for tuning in, and I hope this has helped you tap into some of that mojo of yours, because feeling good feels good right. And in the meantime, if you feel like your mojo could use a little tune up and you want to go from stuck to unstoppable, I've come up with lots of ways for us to do this again sometime. Make sure you take a couple minutes to subscribe to this podcast and extra good, juju, if you leave a review, you can follow me on Instagram at moststefinately for daily mantras and affirmations, and be sure to show all your love with likes and comments and shares and you know I'm a recovering people pleaser, so it means the world to me when you do. Look, you found me at the very beginning of all things mojo, and I promise there's so much more on the way. All the cool links are easily found in the show notes. So go have a look. I mean you're here anyway.
Speaker 1:I've got promo codes for Mojo gummies, for focus at seven day Mojo makeover challenge and so much more to come. And if you want to get started on your own Mojo journey but don't know where to start, I've got a simple five question quiz that'll meet you where you're at and set you on your way, because you can do it and I can help. So be sure to tune in next week for the next episode. But until then, stay classy, stay kind and remember our time is limited, but our love is not. Go spend it wildly. Thanks for tuning in. This has been Steph with Pocketful Emojo. Ciao for now.
