Feeling Seen: Embracing the Power of Support

Ever felt like you're talking, but no one's really listening? Or maybe you feel isolated even in a crowded room? Join me, Steph, your Mojo Maven, on a heartfelt journey through the transformative power of feeling supported in this emotionally enriching episode of Pocketful of Mojo. We start with the mantra "I am surrounded by support, seen and unseen," which has been a game-changer in flipping the narrative of feeling invisible. I'll share personal anecdotes and the quirky challenges of my nomadic lifestyle in our new segment "Mojo on the Go," all to show you how this powerful affirmation can cultivate a sense of belonging and self-worth wherever you are.

Moving forward, we dive into the struggles of finding your voice and visibility, especially in social settings or when you're speaking a second language. Drawing from my own experiences of feeling constantly interrupted and undervalued, I emphasize the importance of mindfulness and self-awareness. By establishing regular check-ins with friends and asking for the support you need, you can start filling your own cup and transforming your relationships. This episode is your warm blanket of support, filled with actionable insights to help you feel seen, heard, and valued. Tune in and let's create that sense of community and self-worth together.

Chapters

• 0:11 Pocketful of Mojo
• 5:55 Mojo On The Go!
• 25:18 Ooo! A Deer!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:11

Welcome to Pocketful of Mojo, where you're, you and I'm, steph, and we tune in here to tap into some mojo. Well, what do you mean? What's mojo, mojo, is that feeling of unshakable confidence, booming self-worth, like you're an unstoppable force of nature, and I'm here to show you how you can have that feeling every single day. You see, I think I've cracked the code to being happy. I'm happy to a possibly annoying degree, but that sounds more like a you problem. But hey, it wasn't always this way. And not to flex, but I've had breakdowns on multiple continents and in two languages. But by paying attention and living with more intention, I've curated a self-love first aid kit, and it's full of amazing tools that help me out of life's more sticky and stressful situations, and do so with grace and self-care. And I'm not here to gatekeep. In fact, I'm on a mission to help you tap into your best stuff and remember that you have everything you need to live your life on your own terms. So settle in. We're here for some positive change. So let's dig in to where your mojo meets the road. In today's episode, I'm gonna review our mantra for the week, as usual, and then we're gonna dig into today's main topic, and that topic is feeling invisible. Now, plot twist, we're taking it on the road and we're gonna shake things up a bit. So you stick around and I'm going to make sure that you're glad that you did. Let's get started with today's mantra and get tuned in, tapped in and turned on.

Speaker 1: 1:59

Hello, welcome to the 29th episode of Pocketful of Mojo. Once again, I'm Steph. Hey, how you doing? I'm your Mojo Maven, your cheerleader, your soul sister, and I'm so glad you're here. I'm here to reflect your awesome and your potential back to you. So let's settle in. Let's start by digging into today's mantra, and today's mantra is I'm surrounded by support, seen and unseen. This one is awesome. This one flips the whole narrative of feeling invisible right on its head, and that's today's theme. But we're cracking it right open on the jump.

Speaker 1: 2:44

And when you say this mantra, it releases that limiting feeling that comes with feeling invisible. It surrenders to the idea that we're supported despite feeling otherwise, and that underlines the lesson that feelings are not facts. I am surrounded by support, seen and unseen. This is also a great reminder and an anchor to really take a moment to proverbially look around and be grateful for the support that you do have in the absence of feeling that way and it helps to, you know, take that sting away a little bit. I am surrounded by support, seen and unseen. Now, what this also does is that it lets the people around you off the hook a little bit and stay with me when you require less outward support, in the knowing that it comes seen and unseen. Now you're in this power position to hold space for the feeling of support, despite your brain's requirement to have evidence of it. And that's what faith is. And why not Try having a little bit of faith in the people in your life that support you, maybe in a way that you just haven't been able to see, and a faith in yourself that you're deserving of it? I am surrounded by support, seen and unseen. Think of this mantra like a warm blanket. It's the support you give yourself. Really. It's that remembering that you have evidence, if you look around in your life, of people who love and support you in all kinds of ways. I am surrounded by support, seen and unseen. Now, for me, this mantra is something that is essential.

Speaker 1: 4:39

As a nomad, I'm always popping up in one city or another for who knows how long. I tend to have like a four-year cycle and I have some deep roots here in Winnipeg. My sisters from another mister are here and living day to day without that could feel incredibly isolating, and the FOMO was real, I can tell you. But when I repeat this, it's like all of their love and support and encouragement that they've ever given me comes flooding back in just one moment and just like that I feel a little more okay and a little less alone. I am surrounded by support seen and unseen. Now that you've felt that shift, that can happen when you give yourself over to this mantra and if it takes time, that's okay, I support you. So when you do feel this shift, you've proven that you can self-soothe. You've proven that the support that is more powerful than anyone is the support that you give yourself and you can access it at any time. I am surrounded by support seen and unseen.

Speaker 1: 5:59

And now over to our correspondent on the road, safely and hands-free, thanks to her new lapel mic. Ladies and gentlemen, and everyone in between, your Mojo Maven Steph on the go. Let's see if this thing can record for longer than 15 seconds. Oh, my god, it's doing it Hooray. Oh my god, you guys, I've been trying to do this all day. Let me tell you about it. Welcome to my 2009 Maroon Ford Focus.

Speaker 1: 6:45

This is Mojo on the go. Ladies and gentlemen, and this is my third attempt this morning I tried to do this on a walk, thinking like, yeah, we can go for a walk together and I can just like, literally put you in my pocket and we can be a pocketful of Mojo together. Well, after about 25 minutes of walking around my neighborhood you know, getting my mental health walk in I've learned a couple of things. Number one I walk really fast and it's hard to talk and walk really fast at the same time. Number two my recording didn't record anything longer than 16 seconds, so virtually my neighborhood got a lesson in feeling invisible today. So that was a failed attempt. Number one Then I was like, okay, I'm going back to my original idea mojo on the go, coming at you live from the road, we're taking a little road trip together.

Speaker 1: 7:34

Because, like, the initial precipice for this podcast format shakeup was that I was listening and listening, always trying to like improve my podcast for you, and I wanted to sound more authentic. I wanted it to feel more like a chat, but, like, the perfectionist in me is like, make it written down, like write out your thoughts and I write the way I talk. So I like to think that you know some of that came through, but it all sounds really polished and I wanted something like more conversational, more authentic, and that I could come through a little bit more, you know, so we could get to know each other. So I thought, okay, steph, what are you doing when you can just like riff and like like talk out loud is basically what I'm doing, like thinking out loud is what I mean, and I'm like I'm driving. So here we are, you're in my car, the rattling is, you know, the byproduct of it being a 200 year old car that is destined for a museum soon. And welcome to Mojo on the Go Beta test Taking big swings, trying new things, stepping outside of our comfort zone, all the things.

Speaker 1: 8:48

So I'm really excited to hear what you think. I know this is a little bit of a departure from me from the classic well-polished audio quality that you get when I record in my closet, but I'm still going to stick to the polished intro and outro so that you can still get that good mantra focused without, like you know, fire trucks going by or you know, random distracting things like that. But today we're going to riff on feeling invisible Because I think I finally got this audio figured out and I'm done at Staples, just printed off some QR codes for the podcast so that wherever I go and find a little community board boop, there goes the podcast. Great idea. Shout out to the People Pleaser podcast for giving me this great idea, because I want to share it. So this is also my shout out to you, my good friends, to by all means, if you're enjoying this podcast, please share with a friend. It would really mean a lot to me.

Speaker 1: 9:52

And because it's all about spreading that message of connecting with yourself, something that I think is like it's a lifelong hobby. You know, it's the best thing we can do with our spare time. And what we're going to talk about today, which is feeling invisible, you know we try to lock in on what the solution is or how to fix it, which is obviously where monkey brains like to go. Um, you know it all comes back to that relationship that you have with yourself. So that feeling invisible have you ever felt invisible?

Speaker 1: 10:35

I felt invisible. I can count a handful of times, probably, and I think about like the most recent one and probably one of the first ones are what pop into mind. The first one I was a little girl and I was like highly, highly compliant, always wanting to be on time, show well, do the right thing, like people, pleaser to the max, uh, big time. And I felt invisible. And it came up because I felt no, this is how it expressed itself. I was in gym class and, for whatever reason I don't remember all the details, but I stole this girl's shoes and I can't remember if I hid them or oh, I'm thinking about this a second time I think I may have put them in the garbage, I don't know. It was really, really out of character for me and it was like a really big thing and it was honestly, the most rebellious thing I ever did.

Speaker 1: 11:41

As a we taught but like I had to sit down with a teacher and my mom came in and we had to talk about it and I remember it being treated really seriously and one of the things that they asked me was like why did you do this? And I remember being that little girl looking up at the two adults and all I wanted to say was because I wanted the attention. I just wanted someone to pay attention to me and I like that was my answer, but I knew that something told me that that wasn't going to make sense or that wasn't going to fly, you know. So I probably shrugged my shoulders and said I don't know, or something adorably incorrect like that. But that's really what I wanted.

Speaker 1: 12:25

Like I lived in a busy house. I had two older brothers, six and eight years older, so we were always going to like a hockey practice or going to a recital or going to a tournament, or like we were always on the go. So I didn't get a lot of like one-on-one time or time that was just for me, or time that was all about me. And I think that in wanting to solve that problem, I solved the problem. I got the attention, but my brain didn't think it through to be like is that, do you want good attention or do you want bad attention? So you know, I think that that was kind of the first time that I kind of felt, you know, invisible. But now, as an adult, I'm in this much better place. But even though I've like gone through it, that doesn't leave me like invincible to the feeling of feeling invisible, to the feeling of feeling invisible. So it makes me think about when I lived in France and I there was an opportunity for me to feel invisible at what felt like every turn From the time that I got there.

Speaker 1: 13:35

I got there in the summertime and all my summer clothes, being from Canada, looked a whole lot like my winter clothes, because we live with air conditioning. We go from the air-conditioned car to the air-conditioned house, to the air-conditioned store and so on. So, yeah, love me some air conditioning, but don't own a lot of shorts or like cute sundresses, you know. So there I was, new girl in France, starting a new life, let's get some French clothes. So I go out shopping Money to burn, waving my dollar bills around Someone, please take my money. And then I learned that the French measure sizing differently. So I was like, oh, okay, going to these cute little boutiques and they're like okay, they're either a one, a two or a three. Well, honey, I was a four and a half.

Speaker 1: 14:26

So talk about not feeling seen. I couldn't even dress like a local, let alone try to fit in like a local. Right, like I couldn't even. So I started shopping at the grocery store. They have these super mega grocery stores with like the cutest clothes in them, but that was a little bit humbling. That really gave my self-esteem a shot. It gave my self-image a shot. Um, that was a big test and you know it took some dealing with.

Speaker 1: 14:55

And then, on top of that, I'm doing all this in my second language. So I had a pretty good grip of French getting there, but I had no idea how much French I didn't know. So, like I didn't know the movie references that everybody had watched a thousand times, I didn't know the songs that everybody knew how to sing as soon as they came on, and these are things that I'm usually really good at in English. And so to really see that gap and like not being on the joke and not understand what they're saying and not know the words to the song, just made me feel like more and more of an outsider and less and less like I belonged. So not having that sense of belonging, I did the next best thing, which was try to fit in.

Speaker 1: 15:43

So you know, I try to insert myself in conversations, try to be brave and like not afraid to make mistakes it's my second language, give myself some grace and then I find myself constantly being cut off in like the middle of my sentences. And then I slowly learned painfully that this is like a cultural thing and this is just how they do, but like sometimes I would get cut off and they wouldn't even like expand on what we were already talking about. They changed the fucking subject and there's nothing that has ever made me feel so invisible as those moments Because there was more than one time that this happened where I was just like, oh my god, am I even talking? Do people even hear me? Like is my accent so bad that it's like incomprehensible? So that again, huge hit to the ego, huge check for like self-worth and just like, oh my God, am I in the right place?

Speaker 1: 16:46

So you do the next best thing, which is you try to fit in, and you try to fit in, and nobody wakes up in the morning like, hey, you know what I'm just going'm just gonna feel invisible. I'm gonna do whatever I can to feel small and to debase myself, like it. It doesn't work that way. It's like a slow drip. It's like one little accommodation here and one thing you wish you'd said but didn't there, and one little sacrifice and then another accommodation and then all of a sudden, I was surrendering to my environment so much that I was like a shell of a human. I didn't know who I was, I didn't know what my needs were. I was trying to go with the flow so much that I ended up with whatever, because I asked for nothing and got exactly that in return.

Speaker 1: 17:46

So, little by little, it chipped and chipped and chipped away, and then I like observed the feeling of feeling invisible, and I observed the feeling of like not wanting to do this anymore, like not wanting to be consistently feeling small and unheard, and so I used a little bit of oh okay, you can just pull in front of me, that's fine. So I used mindfulness and I used observation and I I separated it from myself and I stopped the feelings that came along with it just momentarily, so I could circle back and feel them with awareness, because I was deserving of those feelings, because I had set all the expectations without actually asking for what I wanted. So what I'd figured out was what I didn't want. I didn't want to feel small, I didn't want to feel unheard, I didn't want to disappear every time I walked into a room and couldn't quite match the temperature. So I figured out what I didn't want. So then that allowed me to figure out what I wanted.

Speaker 1: 19:10

So, okay, what do I want? I want to take up some space, I want my voice to be heard. Okay, staff, what do you want to say? Uh, I don't know. So then that you know that left a spot for me to do some more growing. Okay, what do I want to say? Because I had spent so long just going with the flow, I didn't know what I wanted to say, and it's taken me a really long time to get to this place where I now have a podcast to share what I want to say. But in that moment, a podcast wasn't going to solve my problem, right? So then, oh, it's getting hot in here. There we go.

Speaker 1: 19:49

So then I observe it. Right, it's not good, it's not bad, it just is. This is what it is, this is what I don't want. Now I can focus on what I want, and now I can, I'm in a better position to start attracting what I need, right?

Speaker 1: 20:02

So you know, I think about when I came back to Winnipeg and I'd moved here after living in France, feeling invisible. So I shouldn't be feeling invisible here, right? Because I'm in the house I grew up in. I couldn't be in a safer space, right, I'm healing. I'm surrounded by my family. I've got friends here that I've known since I was five years old, like they're my chosen family, they're incredible.

Speaker 1: 20:31

And so why am I still feeling invisible? Right, like, because I'm reaching out, I'm asking how everybody's doing. I'm wondering if everybody's okay. I'm checking in on people. Why is no one checking in with me? Well, I was holding them accountable to answer a question I never asked and that's just not fair.

Speaker 1: 20:55

So, again, I don't beat myself up over it, but I observe it and I make adjustments to get where I want to go To get what I need. So I set myself up with a bestie Saturday morning breakfast date Standing. Every Saturday we meet, rain or shine, and that way I know I've got someone I can check in with and I can ask them. You know what I really need? Your ear. This is what I'm struggling with, and that was transformational Just being able to ask for. What I wanted was filling my own cup, whether I got it or not, or regardless of how much I got it from the outside, from my friends, from my family, because I was taking steps to do something for myself. I was taking action to fill a need that I had observed within myself, and that was huge, because we always miss wherever we're not right. Grass is always greener.

Speaker 1: 21:56

All that so, by getting back into the present moment and being mindful and intentional and having the courage to be vulnerable, allowed me to kind of see the full picture, to zoom out of the pity party of like what about me? And trust and believe. I spent lots of time in that what about me? Space, but it wasn't cute. I didn't like resenting the people I loved for not loving me in the way I wanted to be loved, when I hadn't asked them to love me that way, which I'm totally entitled to do, which you are too.

Speaker 1: 22:47

I got a phone call, so this part of the conversation may have gotten caught up a bit, but the bottom line is we've got to be able to ask for what we need and then we can start to attract the people who are actually going to be able to provide that for us. And that doesn't make us needy, it makes us human. And when we're able to give ourselves the time to connect with ourselves, to figure out what those needs are, we can do a better job of articulating it with the people around us that we love Coming up on Soap Construction. So this is really all about getting to know yourself. And when you're feeling invisible and you're feeling unseen, what you really want is to be seen and heard and understood. And just make the takeaway today that it's okay to put up your hand and say, hey, I need to, I need some time, I need some FaceTime, I need a coffee. Let's go for lunch. Let's go for breakfast. Give time for a FaceTime tonight. Let's go for breakfast. Do you have time for a FaceTime tonight? There's nothing wrong with asking for what you need, and this is you showing up for you and asking for what you need. I can talk all day long about how we can give ourselves what we need, and sometimes we need a little help, and the antidote to feeling invisible is feeling seen, and we're tempted to get into the place where we're going to fit in, because that seems like the path of least resistance. But we are going to have to learn this lesson over and over and over and over again until we take the time to tap into who we are, what we really need and going after that and not what we think we need. The answer for you is going to be different than the answer for someone else. So trying to go after what they're getting may or may not serve you, that may not be your jam. So when you find yourself you're able to tune into what you need, when you can forgive and love and thank yourself, then you're on the right track to attracting what you do want. And it may take some trial and error to figure out what that is, but you're on the path so you can not only give it to yourself, but you now know that it's okay to ask others to help you get there. So I hope you enjoyed this fun little road trip with me today and thank you for participating in this beta version.

Speaker 1: 25:26

Road test Literal road test of Pocketful of Mojo on the go, where I come and riff at you live and unfiltered about our topic of the day. I'd love to hear your feedback. So we're going to take you back to the studio to close out the show, but I'd love to hear what you think about mojo on the go. What are your thoughts? Do I need a passenger? Um, how is this all gonna to work out? Should I keep doing it? Maybe, maybe not.

Speaker 1: 25:51

Ooh, there's a deer. Oh, I love it when I see a deer. Oh, I live in a suburb, so deers aren't usually just chilling out, but you know, crazy times, oh, and when there's one, there's two, oh, always. They're so cute, okay. So, yeah, back to the studio. Thanks for tuning in. They're so cute, okay. So, yeah, back to the studio. Thanks for tuning in.

Speaker 1: 26:18

Tune in next week to find out whether we take this on the road a second time or whether it was an editing nightmare and we're going back to a different format. So stay tuned, stay funky, peace out, out. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the beta test of pocket full of mojo, road trip edition. Tune in next week to see if we do it again. But seriously, thank you so much for tuning in and I hope that this has helped you tap into some of that mojo of yours. You're worth it, baby. So when you feel drawn to it, there's lots of ways that we can do this again sometime.

Speaker 1: 27:02

If you'd like to read, I've got a weekly blog. Sign up today and you'll not only get your weekly blog link, but you'll also get Mojo Magazine, which is literally the best thing in your inbox all week. We're talking memes, we're talking Mojo playlists, and if Insta is where you go for inspo, you can find me there as well, with some mantras and some daily affirmations, and they all look really pretty. And that's it most definitely. And finally, if you're an action taker, then the 7-Day Mojo Makeover is for you. So all the cool links are easily found in the show notes. So go have a look. You're here anyway. I've got so much great stuff to share with you guys, so be sure to tune in next week and until then, stay awesome. Ciao for now.