Feeling Needed: From Overwhelm to Empowerment

Ever felt like you're caught between being indispensable and feeling overwhelmed? Join me, Steph, your Mojo Maven, as I explore a mantra that changed my life: "I am needed and loved more than I know." I share a personal story from my time managing a Starbucks, where I discovered the delicate balance between being helpful and being taken advantage of. By focusing on surrender, trust, and belief, we’ll unpack strategies to help you set healthy boundaries without losing your mojo. Let's journey together to understand the importance of self-worth and maintaining fulfilling relationships.

In the second half, we shift gears to reclaiming your self-worth and prioritizing your own needs to prevent burnout. With practical exercises like mirror talk, needs inventory, and boundary setting, you’ll reconnect with yourself and reclaim your power. Plus, learn how to break up with guilt and embrace self-love and self-acceptance as the bedrock for a fulfilling life. Shed that guilt monkey and navigate life with a positive outlook. Tune in to Pocketful of Mojo for insights and strategies that will level up your life, keep you awesome, and help you spread positive vibes.

Chapters

• 0:10 Discover Your Mojo
• 8:24 Reclaiming Your Self-Worth
• 21:27 Breaking Up With Guilt

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

welcome to your new favorite podcast pocket full of mojo, where you're, you and I'm steph, and we tune in here to tap into some mojo. You see, I think I've cracked the code to being happy. I'm happy every single day no jokes, now, I wasn't always this way, and not to flex, but I've had breakdowns on two continents and in two languages. But by paying attention and living with more intention, I've created this goodness first aid kit and it's full of amazing tools that help me out of life's most sticky and stressful situations with grace and self-love. And I'm not here to gatekeep. In fact, I'm on a mission to help you tap into your best stuff and remember that you have everything you need to live your life on your own terms. So settle in. We're here for some positive change. So let's explore together where your mojo meets the road. In today's episode, we're going to review our mantra for the week and then we're going to dig into today's main topic, which is feeling needed, why we love it and how to strike a balance when it comes to how we show up. So you, I need you to stick around and I'm going to make sure that you're glad that you did. Let's get started with today's mantra and get tuned in, tapped in and turned on. Hello and welcome.

Speaker 1: 1:53

This is the 27th episode of Pocketful of Mojo. Once again, I'm Steph, I'm your Mojo Maven, your cheerleader, your emotional Sherpa, and I'm super glad you're here. This is going to be a very revealing episode, so let's get at her. We'll start by digging into today's mantra, which is I am needed and loved more than I know. Okay, this one is an onion, so let's start peeling back the layers, shall we? I am needed and loved more than I know.

Speaker 1: 2:26

First off, let's talk about surrender. Yeah, yeah, I know Surrendering sounds like giving up, but hear me out. It's about letting go of the need to control every twist and turn in this big old roller coaster of life. When you chant this mantra, you're basically saying hey, universe, I trust that you've got my back, even when I'm clueless about where I'm headed, and there's so much power in that. You're showing that you trust your inherent worthiness of love and acceptance, and that feels better than a warm blanket in January. I am needed and loved more than I know. So now that we're going to sprinkle some trust into the mix, I've got to call it out Trust. It's not always easy to come by, especially when life throws you curveballs the size of Jupiter. But guess what? You've got this by getting used to the idea that you're needed and loved more than you give yourself credit for. You're essentially saying I trust that there's a plan for me, even if it's hiding behind a cosmic curtain. For now, I believe in what I can't see, so I can find peace in what I know. This is your cue to stop wondering and live in the knowing. I am needed and loved more than I know. Belief is what we're talking about. Yeah, that secret sauce to this whole mantra, shindig. You see, belief isn't just about crossing your fingers and hoping for the best. It's about knowing deep down in your soul that you're worthy of love and belonging, even on the days where you feel like a hot mess. Express so repeat after me one more time for the folks in the back I am needed and loved more than I know. Embrace it, believe it and watch as the world transforms and works its magic in ways that you never thought possible. I am needed and loved more than I know Today.

Speaker 1: 4:46

Today, we're diving deep in a topic that hits home for so many of us feeling needed, oh yes, the sweet, sweet sensation of being indispensable or the rock that everybody can lean on, the problem solver, the peacekeeper. But let's get real for a moment. How often have you found yourself running on empty All because you're too busy filling up everyone else's tank? In my experience, there comes a tipping point where people go from needing you to knowing that you'll do it for them, no matter what. I believe that's defined as being taken advantage of, and it's not cute.

Speaker 1: 5:26

For me, the realization came when I was managing a Starbucks. I had a 15 year career with them, actually, and I led many, many teams and all kinds of people and I prided myself on being kind of a subject matter expert, that go-to person for whatever you needed like literally whatever you needed, anytime, day or night. And when our store opens at 5.30 am, it doesn't close till 11.30 pm. That kind of left me on the hook to have the hours of a surgeon and the paycheck of a retailer. Now, when you overestimate how much you're needed, it's really a gateway to giving too much.

Speaker 1: 6:08

The aha moment came for me when one of my staff called me at home to tell me that we were out of cups. Now the old me would have gotten on the phone, called around to see what stores could help us out. Jump in the car, save the day the stuff of heroes, right? No, no-transcript. I politely told them that I indeed had no cups in my living room and therefore could not be of any help to them. What I did do was I asked them to grab the list of phone numbers of the stores that could help them and they could call the people who were on the clock and in a position to help and make arrangements for a transfer. Now, when I did that, it seemed so obvious of a solution and I kicked myself for a bit for all the times that I did the big hero move, but I was proud of myself for setting that boundary and for honoring it.

Speaker 1: 7:07

So if you've got similar situations in your life, it's time to flip the script and understand how your relationship with yourself colors every other relationship that you have, and buckle up, because we're about to get into some sweet self-discovery with a healthy dose of sass and a little splash of motivation. So let's look at one of the people pleaser dilemmas Always on call, because you, my friend, you've got this superpower an uncanny ability to sense what others need before they even ask. You anticipate, you soothe, you fix and, let's be honest, you're probably really good at it. But here's the kicker While you're out and about being everyone's hero, who's saving you? The irony is that while you're bending over backward to make others feel needed and appreciated, you're often left feeling unseen and unappreciated, and that's not cute. Now, it's a look that I wore for a very long time, and at first it was a badge of honor. Then I decided one day that I'd outgrown that look. It didn't look good on me anymore, so I decided to try something new. Are you with me? Let's dig in Now.

Speaker 1: 8:24

The relationship that you have with yourself is at the core of all of it. So let's break it down. Your relationship with yourself is the foundation upon which all the other relationships are built. Is the foundation upon which all the other relationships are built. Imagine you're trying to construct a skyscraper on some shaky foundation made out of straw. Yeah, it doesn't work. The same goes for relationships. If you're not solid with yourself, every interaction is going to be a bit wobbly. Think about it when you're constantly putting other people first, you're sending the message to yourself that your needs don't matter, or at best, they matter less. And if someone walked up to you and told you this. It probably wouldn't feel very good. So this is where we do better.

Speaker 1: 9:13

When we prioritize other people, it creates a vicious cycle where your self-worth becomes tied to how much you do for other people and that's a one-way ticket to burnout city Population. You and then we carry around this myth of being indispensable. But here's a little secret you don't need to be needed to be worthy. Let that sink in. You're valuable just because you exist, period. Your worth isn't measured by how many fires you put out or how many smiles you bring. It's measured by your heart, your essence, your being.

Speaker 1: 9:55

But I get it Stepping back feels like you're letting people down and the fear of disappointing other people. That's real. But prioritizing other people, you're actually letting yourself down. It's like trying to pour from an empty cup. Spoiler alert it doesn't work and you're left thirsty. No bueno. So it's time to reclaim your power.

Speaker 1: 10:21

Here are some exercises to help you reflect and reconnect. Because enough of the tough love, let's get into some practical exercises to help you reconnect with yourself and reclaim your power. Exercise number one Mirror talk Mirror. Mirror on the wall. Why are you so fine? Okay, stay with me. Your silly goose brain is going to tell you that this is cringy. But if you do do this A no one's going to know and B it is surprisingly impactful. It is the secret sauce to self-love. So please just give it a chance and you can prove me wrong later. I dare you. So here, do this Stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself in the eyeballs and just stand there for a minute 60 seconds longer, if you can.

Speaker 1: 11:15

And when you start to feel settled in, smile You're adorable. And then say to yourself I am worthy just as I am. My needs do matter. And repeat this daily. Now I'll tell you, it might feel awkward at first, but just stick with it. The first time you meet someone new, it's a little awkward and you might be meeting the person in the mirror. The first time you meet someone new, it's a little awkward and you might be meeting the person in the mirror for the first time in a while. But over time it sinks in. You're going to start to believe it and you're in charge. And feel free to switch it up and say, dang, you're looking good today. Or how did you get this awesome? Just keep it loving, keep it positive and keep it up, cutie.

Speaker 1: 12:00

Now let's go into exercise number two, the needs inventory. I want you to take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. Now, on one side, I want you to list all the things that you do for other people the big stuff, the little stuff, the stuff nobody notices, all of it. And then, on the other side, this is the list of things that you do for yourself. Now, without judgment, if the scales are tipping heavily in favor of other people, it's time to rebalance. Have a look at that list on the left-hand side and choose one thing or more from the others list to delegate or let go of and replace it with something for yourself. Now, this second part is key. Sometimes we are so busy helping other people that we have a hard time coming up with a list of our own needs. That's okay. Take the time you need to write a list of our own needs. That's okay. Take the time you need to write a list of things that serve you, things that fill your cup, and only you know what those things are.

Speaker 1: 13:07

Exercise number three it's time for a boundaries check. Look in your life and try to pick out one area in your life where your boundaries are maybe a bit fuzzy. Maybe it's saying yes to every social invite or taking on extra work without getting paid the overtime. Set a small, manageable boundary in that area. For example, if you're always saying yes to the extra work, practice, practice saying I'd love to help, but right now I'm at capacity, see, that's not mean or rude. It's true and it's true to you, and that's all that matters. And what's great about this is the ripple effect Stronger self, stronger relationships.

Speaker 1: 13:53

When you start putting your own needs first, something really magical happens. Your relationships improve. Why? Because you're no longer operating from a place of depletion, a place of lack. You're going to find you have more energy, more joy, more love to give, and people will notice, they'll see the change in you and they'll respect it. And some might push back initially, but those who truly care about you will understand and support your need for balance. You'll find out real quick who is in it for friendship and who is in it because of what you could do for them, and you won't have to look very hard. So be grateful that they revealed themselves and that you can move forward accordingly and look. That doesn't mean that they don't have a place in your life. It just means that the terms and conditions have changed a little. And if they disappear, listen to Mel Robbins, let them.

Speaker 1: 14:54

Now let's look at the power of saying no. Let's talk a little about the N-word. No, not that N-word, I'm talking about the word no. It's a complete sentence and you don't need to justify it or explain it. Saying no can be an act of self-care. It shows that you can't do everything and be everything for everyone and guess what. And be everything for everyone and guess what, that's okay, and this can be the hard part for the ego to swallow. The world won't crumble if you take a step back. In fact, it'll keep spinning just fine, and you'll be better equipped to face whatever comes your way, because we know that life be lifing and with this newfound free time, you'll be able to start pivoting yourself towards things that make you happy and when you fill your cup. It allows you to live in alignment with what's good for you, and we can never get too much of that.

Speaker 1: 15:56

Now let's look at the ultimate goal getting good at the self-love, because at the heart of it all is self-love, and it's not selfish, it's essential, it can't be outsourced, and no one's coming to remind you Okay? Well, I am. But I'm here to empower you to do the work, because when you love yourself, you set the standard for how others should treat you. You become a beacon of respect and kindness and love, and that's the energy that you're going to attract. But be careful, because you know who else loves a giver Takers. But the more savvy you are about what you will and won't tolerate, you're going to feel empowered to set and honor your boundaries when someone tries to take advantage.

Speaker 1: 16:47

Now let's dig into exercise number four, the self-love list. Grab your favorite journal and write down 10 things that you love about yourself, and they can be big or small, or physical or emotional. But keep this list somewhere that you can see it daily, at least for the first month, but by all means add to it whenever you discover something new. This practice helps you shift your focus from what you're not to what you already are, which is a pretty amazing human being. Now, this may seem a little off-topic at first, but stay with me.

Speaker 1: 17:26

My relationship with food is deliciously complicated and I know I'm not alone, but I love food. If you wonder where my money goes, it's food and travel, because food is always there for me, you know, like a good day I should have a treat. Bad day, hmm boy, I probably deserve a treat. So emotional eating was asking food to give me love that I wasn't getting from the world and certainly wasn't showing myself. But that's not the end of the story.

Speaker 1: 18:01

As I continued to work on my inner self and started doing these kinds of exercises, my relationship to food it started to shift. Remember that ripple effect I just mentioned? This is that I didn't need food to save the day anymore. I was saving the day all by myself by doing some of these exercise and activities that I was just telling you about. Now does that mean that I stopped ordering Domino's pizza? Abso-fucking-lutely not. I'm not a crazy person. I just simply didn't eat the entire pizza anymore, because doing so made me feel gross for the rest of the day and not so hot the day after. So, yeah, there are pizza hangovers. Back to the facts, because what I was doing is I was expecting food to make me feel better and kept eating until it did which spoiler alert, it did not. So changing my relationship with myself also helped me have a better relationship with food. So now we're besties again, and this can apply to relationships with humans too, but it starts with you. The more I loved myself, the more I treated my physical body with love.

Speaker 1: 19:15

The key here is small, gentle changes and self-awareness and self-reflection, but it all boils down to self-love. So remember this isn't about becoming a different person. You're amazing, period, and there's no need to go back to the drawing board. It's about becoming more of who you already are and letting go of what you are not. It's about recognizing that your needs matter as much as anyone else's. It's about filling your cup so that you can pour from a place of abundance, not lack.

Speaker 1: 19:52

So, my lovely recovering people pleasers, take a deep breath. You've got this. It's time to strut down that path of self-discovery with open arms and an open heart. Set those boundaries, practice that self-love and watch how your relationships transform. It will feel like magic, but the magic is you and you deserve this. You deserve to feel needed, but, more importantly, you deserve to feel whole.

Speaker 1: 20:24

So one last exercise daily affirmations. So to wrap things up, I want you to create a daily affirmation that resonates with you, something like I am worthy of love and respect, or my needs are important, or I'm awesome and no one can tell me different. Say it every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to sleep. Let it become your mantra, your truth you decide. Bottom line here, folks, is feeling needed is wonderful, but it shouldn't come at the expense of your well-being. By really nurturing your relationship with yourself, you're not only enhancing your own life, but also enriching the lives of the people lucky enough to be around you. After all, you can't be a beacon of light for others if your own flame is dim.

Speaker 1: 21:27

Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. Remember self-love and self-acceptance. These are the foundations of a mojo master, and I already know you have everything you need to live a full life, to fill your own cup and to drink in all the good stuff that this life has to offer. You deserve it. Come back next time, where we're going to explore all that is breaking up with the guilt, because, ew, it's gross and it's not serving you the way you think it is. So we're going to set the record straight and get that guilt monkey off our backs. So make sure you subscribe to Pocketful of Mojo wherever you find your favorite podcasts, and come back next week so we can work together to level up on how we navigate this crazy life. So until then, stay awesome and keep spreading those positive vibes. Be kind out there. Toodaloo kangaroo.