Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Boundary Battles 101
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Can setting boundaries really transform your life? Discover how prioritizing your own needs can revolutionize your self-worth and relationships in our latest episode of Pocketful of Mojo with Steph. This week, we kick off with our empowering mantra, "Setting boundaries and sticking to them helps me remember that I'm important too," to remind you of your inherent value. We examine the essential role boundaries play as personal contracts that not only reflect your core values but also reinforce your self-respect. This segment is especially resonant for those recovering from people-pleasing tendencies, offering insights on how to reclaim your importance and show up better for yourself and others.
In the second part of the episode, we delve into practical strategies for mastering the art of boundary-setting. Starting small and celebrating every win, no matter how minor, is crucial for sustainable progress. By tuning into feelings of depletion and ensuring you have a supportive network, you can effectively navigate boundary challenges. Embracing vulnerability to foster deeper connections and aligning your internal and external dialogues for consistency are key themes we explore. Remember, setbacks are part of the journey, and self-compassion is a vital tool. Join us for this enlightening discussion to learn how setting boundaries can empower you, boost your confidence, and ensure your needs are respected.
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welcome to your new favorite podcast pocket full of mojo. Where you're, you and I'm steph, and we tune in here to tap into some mojo. You see, I think I've cracked the code to being happy Because, like, I'm happy every single day. No jokes. Now look, I wasn't always this way. You can trust and believe. I've had multiple breakdowns on multiple continents and in two languages. Come to think of it. But by paying attention and by living with more intentions, I've curated a wellness first aid kit full of amazing tools to help me get out of and avoid getting into life's more sticky and stressful situations. And I'm not here to gay keep. I'm on a mission to help you tap into your best stuff and remember that you have everything you need to live your life on your own terms. So settle in. We're here for some positive change. So let's explore together where your mojo meets the road. In today's episode, I'm going to review our mantra for the week and then we're going to dig into today's main topic, which is boundary battles how to advocate for yourself as yourself. Now, I know you've got 11 billion podcasts to choose from, so I am just so grateful you're here, so you stick around and I'm going to make sure that you're glad that you did. Let's get started with today's mantra and get tuned in, tapped in and turned on.
Speaker 1:Hello, hello, hello and welcome to the 23rd episode of Pocketful Emojo. Welcome to the 23rd episode of Pocketful of Mojo, the Michael Jordan of episodes. If you will, once again, I'm Steph, nice to meet you. Thanks for being here. I'm your Mojo Maven, I'm your cheerleader, I'm your soul sister. Thanks for being here.
Speaker 1:This is going to be a very revealing episode, so let's dive right in. Let's start by digging into today's mantra, which is setting boundaries and sticking to them helps me remember that I'm important too. Killer, okay, this one's juicy. So let's unpack this one together. Setting boundaries and sticking to them helps me remember that I'm important too. This one goes out to all us recovering people pleasers out there, and I acknowledge that we are all going to be in different places when it comes to our comfort level with boundaries. It can be a hard thing to articulate and it isn't always something that we can rhyme off the top of our heads. Some of you are maybe thinking about boundaries for yourselves for the first time, and to you I say welcome and way to go. There's no better time than now to start, or maybe it's time for a tune-up on your boundaries, because things just seem to be slipping lately. And to you I say you're in the right place. So keeping this mantra close as you navigate the deep, dark waters of setting boundaries is your life raft and reminder that you're doing good work.
Speaker 1:Setting boundaries and sticking to them helps me remember that I'm important too, because setting boundaries is one thing, sticking to them is another thing entirely. Imagine that you're on the highway, going 80 miles an hour from the left lane, and then, all of a sudden, out of the corner of your eye, there goes the exit ramp that you said you were going to take, and it's on the right. This is what it can feel like when you set a boundary and then you miss your chance to honor it. It happens to all of us and, yes, it's as frustrating as it sounds, but what's important to take away when it comes to boundaries is that what you're showing is awareness, which in and of itself is awesome, so good for you. Maybe the moment has passed for you to assert yourself, but you caught it. You will no longer be sitting there scratching your head wondering why you feel the way that you do, and you'll be better equipped to check and adjust for next time, and you can trust and believe there will be a next time.
Speaker 1:Setting boundaries and sticking to them helps me remember that I'm important too. To me, boundaries are a deal that you make with yourself. They're a conscious contract that you make on behalf of your values and your ideals and you say to the world this is what I stand for, and nothing less. You do this through your actions, your interactions and by what you tolerate and by what you don't. Someone should be able to tell you what your boundaries are by how you act. It doesn't have to go out in a press release or be outlined or defined. You're going to show what they are by how you show up. It's a contract only between you and your best self. You are the only one who is responsible for advocating for yourself, and boundaries are there to help you do that. So keep that in your pocket. Setting boundaries and sticking to them helps me remember that I'm important too. Yeah, that's right, you're important too as recovering people pleasers who used to be known for putting everyone else first. Our transformation doesn't involve losing who we are. It involves remembering who we are, remembering that we are important, remembering that we can care for ourselves and show up for the people that we love and care about. Boundaries help us do that and be able to show up even better and brighter than before, because we've watered our own garden first and we are more mindful about where we spend our energy and where we do so because we are important and we can keep being the loving, giving, generous people that we are. We've just put some parameters on it. The buffet is closed. Now it's invite. Only. Setting boundaries and sticking to them helps me remember that I'm important too. Hey, yo, okay.
Speaker 1:Well, welcome to today's main topic surviving and thriving as a people. Pleaser, navigating boundary battles with grace. Let's dive deep into a topic that hits close to home for many of us, and that's a boundaries. If you're anything like me, you've likely spent a significant part of your life putting other people's needs ahead of your own, and if you're also like me, you might be an overachiever. So sometimes you do it so well that you get to the point of neglecting yourself. But here's the kicker Putting other people first, at the expense of your own well-being, is a surefire path to burnout and unhappiness, or, as I like to call it, the hot mess express.
Speaker 1:So why do we struggle so much with setting boundaries? Well, for starters, the fear of disappointing others is a major factor. As people pleasers, we thrive on the approval and the validation of the people around us or at least we used to because we love them and we want them to love us back. The mere thought of saying no or standing up for our own needs can send us spiraling into anxiety. It's a real push-pull situation, like in our minds. There's this trap where we think that we can't have it all. We worry that setting boundaries will make us seem selfish or rude or unlikable.
Speaker 1:Any of this sound familiar? Because here's the truth. I've said it before and I'll say it again Setting boundaries isn't selfish, it's essential. It's about recognizing our own worth and standing up for our needs, as much as it is about how much we value the needs of other people. It can be a big shift and while it may feel uncomfortable at first and it probably will I promise you the benefits far outweigh the temporary discomfort and the good news. There is empowerment on the other side of discomfort. Keep going. It won't happen overnight, but simply by being here, you're showing up for yourself already. Way to go you.
Speaker 1:So let's check out how we can set boundaries in a way that feels authentic and empowering. Doesn't that sound much better? Check this out. Here's what we can do to get back in alignment and start standing up for ourselves. Number one you got to get clear on what your values and priorities are. Before you can set boundaries, you need to have a crystal clear understanding of what's important to you. You can do this by taking some time to think about your values, your priorities. What are your non-negotiables? What makes you happy? What has drained your energy? What are you willing to put up with and what are you not? By getting clear on your values, you're going to have a solid foundation that's going to help you set boundaries that align with your true and most fabulous self.
Speaker 1:I've come up with some cues that go with each of these action steps, so that you can confirm that you're in the right place. So if you're feeling a loss of identity or independence, it's a sign of identity or independence. It's a sign. One of the biggest dangers of not having clear boundaries is the risk of losing touch with your own identity and independence. When you're always focused on other people's needs over your own, it's pretty easy to lose sight of who you are and what you want out of life. This was the first sign that I saw in myself that I needed to take some major action in my own life. By the time, I had literally tried everything to save my marriage. I didn't even recognize myself anymore. I was small. I had no voice. I felt unheard. My thoughts were constantly aimed at making things better, but I put all my energy into adapting to my environment instead of asking more for myself.
Speaker 1:When you're constantly keeping the peace and your go-to answer is I'm good with whatever, then whatever is exactly what you're going to get. When you pay attention, there may be signs that you're sacrificing your own values, time, energy, dreams or desires to please other people. Observe that, but don't judge it. Simply observe. Remember you are worthy of love and respect exactly as you are, and your needs are as important as anyone else's. It's never too late to check and adjust. Just make sure you're giving yourself some grace and commit to moving forward towards a life where you're self-empowered to show up differently for yourself.
Speaker 1:Action item number two you got to tune into your body. We often ignore our own physical and emotional cues in favor of other people's needs. We're so busy, what we forget is that our bodies have a way of letting us know when something isn't right. So this is your chance Tune in. Pay attention to how you feel in different situations, not just emotionally, but physically too. Do you feel tense, anxious or drained? These might be signs that your boundaries are being crossed. Listen to your body and honor what it's telling you. So if you're feeling physical and emotional discomfort, it's a sign. Our bodies often give us subtle or sometimes not so subtle cues when our boundaries are being crossed. Pay attention to any physical sensations or emotions that come up in different situations. Do you notice tension in your shoulders, a knot in your stomach or a feeling of just being uneasy? These might be signs that your boundaries are being violated. In a similar way, feelings of resentment, anger or sadness can also be an alarm that your needs aren't being met. Your job is to tune into these signals and use them as valuable feedback to get you back on track with your boundary setting process.
Speaker 1:When I was processing the grief and anxiety of the end of my marriage and the death of my mother simultaneously, I should add my body was screaming at me. I had sweaty palms. I was chewing on the inside of my cheek. I was constantly nauseous, loss of appetite. It was awful because I really love food, but, as per my operating system, I was doing this the best I could, with a smile on my face, as to not inconvenience anyone or alert them to how my life had become a dumpster fire. I'd hate to be a bother, but the body knows, when we don't listen, when the message is at a whisper, the physical feelings will intensify. Staying tuned into your body is essential when you want to tap into what's going on in the big picture. Our vessels are a freaking miracle and hold so much knowledge and wisdom. Don't be afraid to tune in. We have a lot to learn. Now let's look at number three Practice assertive communication.
Speaker 1:Just don't be a jerk about it. Setting boundaries requires clear and assertive communication. Just don't be a jerk about it. Setting boundaries requires clear and assertive communication. No maybes, no question marks, just periods. Practice saying no in a firm but respectful way. You don't need to justify or apologize for your boundaries. Remember you have the right to focus on your own needs without feeling guilty. It's not a combo meal. It may feel awkward at first, but the more you practice assertive communication, the easier it'll be.
Speaker 1:One of my new favorite sayings is no is a complete sentence. I used to be a big explainer. I felt like I had to justify every little thing, and more so if it was in the wake of having to say no to someone. But there's no judge or jury. You can put down the defense strategy and just stand in your truth. You'll be surprised how little people actually challenge you when you stick to a boundary, which means that you have placed more importance on your role than maybe even existed in the first place. So if you have difficulty saying no, it's a sign.
Speaker 1:As people pleasers, saying no can feel like an impossible feat. We worry about disappointing or being seen as selfish. So to keep things easy, breezy, we say yes even when we want to say no. But here's the thing Saying yes when you say no is a recipe for resentment and burnout Not my favorite cookie. If you find yourself agreeing to things that you don't want to do, it might be a sign that your boundaries are too porous. Practice asserting yourself and saying no when you need to Remember. It's okay to focus on your own needs, everyone else does. A simple no, thank you can make all the difference. You should try it, which makes it the perfect time to talk about learning to start small and build momentum.
Speaker 1:Setting boundaries is like any other skill it takes practice. Start small by setting boundaries in a low-stake situation, and then you gradually work your way up to more challenging ones, and you know probably quite well what those are. Don't start there. Start small. Someone who wants to start hiking doesn't start by climbing Everest. Start simple, celebrate your success along the way and no matter how small your victory, it's a victory worth celebrating. Every boundary that you set is a win and a step towards rebooting your power.
Speaker 1:So if you're feeling drained or depleted, it's a sign. Do you often find yourself feeling exhausted or depleted after interacting with certain people or being in certain situations? This could be a sign that your boundaries are not being respected, and those boundaries need your help. When we let other people overstep our boundaries, it can leave us feeling drained and exhausted. So your job is to pay attention to how you feel after different interactions. If something leaves you feeling drained, it may be time to reassess your boundaries in that area. Good people and healthy relationships leave you feeling amazing and uplifted. We have to start expecting more and stop saying good enough is good enough, which takes us right to number five.
Speaker 1:Surround yourself with support. Navigating boundary battles can be tough. Okay, it is tough, especially when those around you are used to you saying yes to everything. Surround yourself with people who respect and support you and your boundaries. Seek out the friends, the family or even a therapist who can offer you encouragement and some guidance as you work towards asserting yourself. So how will you know when your boundaries are working Well? People are going to start treating you differently, and that's a sign.
Speaker 1:One of the byproducts of setting boundaries is that there's a new filter in your relationships, and what I mean by that. As people in your life begin to see you asserting yourself and standing up for your own needs, the dynamics of your relationship they might change. You may not be able to be the go-to person 24-7 for that friend anymore or have all the time in the world for other people's problems. You got your own, and this can have impact For me. As I started setting boundaries, I noticed that some people adjusted just fine, others however well. I learned that what I offered them was not, in fact, friendship. It was service, which is fine, but it's important to know where you stand and to move forward accordingly. Remember all that work you did in step one. What will you tolerate and what will you not?
Speaker 1:Now, as we cruise on into number six, it's all about embracing vulnerability. This is the part that's going to feel a little unsettling. So I'm here to remind you that there is strength in vulnerability and you've got to trust and believe that setting boundaries requires vulnerability. It means being willing to be seen and heard and hold on to your knickers here, possibly rejected, but here's the thing. Vulnerability is also where true connection and intimacy really live. By setting boundaries and being true to your needs, you invite other people to do the same. You're creating space for deeper, more meaningful relationships that are built on shared respect and understanding. So if you're having two conversations but only one of them is out loud, it's a sign.
Speaker 1:As you navigate this foreign land of boundary setting, it can be a bit confusing Unlearning is a big part of a recovering people-pleaser's life and you may find yourself saying one thing out loud and saying another thing to yourself. The trick here is to get those two scripts to align. Closing that gap can be tricky, but now you've got everything you need. It's time to give that understudy in your head the time to shine and give them a voice, because it's your voice and you deserve to be heard. Now I'll be the first to say that setting boundaries it's not easy. You're bound to encounter setbacks along the way, so it's time to be gentle with yourself. When things don't go as planned, remember that you're doing the best that you can and every step that you take forward is honoring your needs, and that's a victory. Practice self-compassion and give yourself the grace to learn and grow and fail and get back up again Now.
Speaker 1:Setting boundaries can be scary. It means stepping outside of your comfort zone and risking disapproval from others. We used to be allergic to those things, but here's the thing when you focus on your own needs and values. But here's the thing when you focus on your own needs and values, there's something amazing that happens. You start to feel more confident, empowered and alive. You reclaim your sense of self and step into the empowered and amazing human that you are on your terms, period.
Speaker 1:By paying attention to these signs and using them as guideposts, you can tap into some pretty juicy insights. By paying attention to these signs and using them as guideposts, you can tap into some pretty juicy insights into where your boundaries may need a tune-up. Remember, setting boundaries isn't about being selfish or shutting others out. It's about honoring yourself and advocating for what's important to you. That list, it's not created democratically. You are the author. So keep an open eye for these signs as opportunities for growth and empowerment.
Speaker 1:Push yourself to take proactive steps and create boundaries that support your wellbeing and authenticity. You deserve it. So, my fellow people pleasers, I challenge you to take a leap of faith, and I want you to put that faith in yourself. Start setting boundaries that honor your true and awesome self, and you can do so knowing there will be discomfort, and you can do so knowing that on the other side lies your freedom and fulfillment. You deserve a life that's true to you, one where your needs are just as important as everyone else's. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect exactly as you are, and by setting boundaries, you're not only honoring yourself, but you're also teaching the world how to treat you. So go ahead, step into your power and watch as your life transforms in ways you've only dreamed about. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's powerful episode. Remember, self-love and self-acceptance are the foundation for a Mojo Master, and I know that you have everything you need to live a full life and fill your own cup and drink in all the good stuff that this life has to offer. You deserve it.
Speaker 1:Be sure to come say hi to me on Insta and let me know how your Mojo adventure is coming along, and you can find my handle and a few fun links in the show notes, because there's lots of mojo to go around. Be sure to come back next time where we explore all that is celebration. Celebrate it's something I've mastered over the last couple of years, and learning how to celebrate yourself injects fun and inspiration into your life. And I'm talking daily. How fun is that? So make sure you subscribe to Pocketful of Mojo wherever you find your favorite podcast and come back next time to unwrap the gift we give ourselves Capisce. So until then, stay awesome and keep spreading those positive vibes. Be kind out there. Toodaloo kangaroo.
