Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Transform Your Life with the Power of No
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What if transforming your life could be as simple as saying no? In this empowering episode of Pocketful of Mojo, I, Steph, your Mojo Maven, reveal how this seemingly small act can lead to profound personal growth and self-love. We begin by embracing a powerful mantra, "I am allowed to let go of old thought patterns that no longer serve me," and examine the habitual nature of our thoughts. For all the people pleasers out there, we highlight the significance of setting boundaries, the impact of constantly saying yes, and how breaking free from these patterns can lead to a more fulfilling life.
As we journey together, you'll discover the deep yearning for genuine connections built on honesty and mutual respect that often lies beneath the surface of people-pleasing behaviors. By shedding the habit of saying yes to everything and establishing healthy boundaries, we can foster more authentic relationships. With personal anecdotes and five actionable steps, you'll learn how to say no with conviction, prioritize self-care, and embrace self-love and acceptance. Plus, get ready for our next episode where we'll focus on taking personal inventory to uncover your true self. Keep spreading those positive vibes and stay fabulous!
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Welcome to your new favorite podcast, pocketful of Mojo, where you're, you and I'm, steph, and we tune in here to tap into some mojo. You see, I think I've cracked the code to being happy. I'm happy every single day, not even kidding, now, I wasn't always this way. You can trust and believe, and I don't mean to flex, but I've had multiple breakdowns on multiple continents and in two languages. But by paying attention and living with more intention, I've created this wellness first aid kit full of amazing tools that help me out of and help me avoid getting into life's more sticky and stressful situations. And I'm not here to gatekeep. I'm on a mission to help you tap into your best stuff and remember that you have everything you need to live a life on your own terms. So settle in. We're here for some positive change. So let's explore together where your mojo meets the road. In today's episode, I'm going to review our mantra for the week and then we're going to dig into today's main topic, which is a people pleasers guide to saying no, how, to what it's not and what we get when we step out of our comfort zone. And look, I know you've got loads of podcasts to choose from, so I'm super pumped that you're here. So stick around and I'm going to make sure that you're glad you did. Let's get started with today's mantra and get tuned in, tapped in and turned on. Hello, hello, hello and welcome. This is going to be the 21st episode of Pocketful of Mojo. Once again, I'm Steph, I'm your Mojo Maven, I'm your cheerleader and I'm really glad you're here. It's going to be a very powerful episode. So let's dig into today's mantra.
Speaker 1:I am allowed to let go of old thought patterns that no longer serve me. Shablam. Okay, let's unpack this, shall we? I am allowed to let go of old thought patterns that no longer serve me. Yep, that's all the permission you need. It's the permission you give yourself.
Speaker 1:Identifying the things that are holding you back is only one part of the transformation. You have to give yourself permission to try new things, uncomfortable things, letting go of things and just because they got you this far doesn't mean they need to come along for the rest of the ride. It also doesn't mean that they didn't serve you well once upon a time. But you're different now. You know more, you've done more and you want more. I am allowed to let go of old thought patterns that no longer serve me.
Speaker 1:Letting go, and giving yourself permission to do so, is a liberating act of self-love. Letting go means looking at the thing that stands between you and where you want to be can take some time, but not as long as you might think. Clearing this space makes room for new habits and behaviors that are going to launch you forward. So take a deep breath, focus and let go. You can't take it all with you.
Speaker 1:I am allowed to let go of old thought patterns that no longer serve me, because thought patterns are just that they're patterns. They're habits, routines. They're all learnable and unlearnable parts of you. When you give yourself this permission and have an eye on the prize of where you're going, you're better equipped to rewire your brain and align yourself with thought patterns that lift you up and keep you anchored in what's best for you. And here's the fun part you, and only you, get to decide what those things are. So take the reins, my friend.
Speaker 1:I am allowed to let go of old thought patterns that no longer serve me. Service, building a healthy relationship with yourself, means shifting into being of service to yourself, your dreams, your priorities, your goals, your values. This kind of alignment is so powerful, and the more you practice, the easier it is to suss out what does not serve you. Easier it is to suss out what does not serve you. It's not always a straight line. Sometimes we take things into change room that just don't fit, and that's part of the discovery. But when it fits like a glove, you're going to know it and now you'll have space to bring it into your new life of self-service.
Speaker 1:I am allowed to let go of old thought patterns that no longer serve me. Welcome, this is it. This is the People Pleasers Guide to saying no, aka how to remember that you come first. So, hey there, fellow PeoplePleasers, let's talk about a little word that holds a ton of power no, yep, that's right, it's a tiny word, but, oh boy, it can be tough to say, especially for those of us who thrive on making other people happy. So if you're nodding along with me right now, feeling the weight of every yes you've reluctantly given, then welcome, you're in the right place. We're going to dive deep into the struggle of saying no, why it's such a challenge for us people pleasers and, most importantly, how we can get over our old ways and step into a life where we're more empowered in our own lives. So, all right, let's get real for a moment.
Speaker 1:As people pleasers, our default setting is often yes, it's just automatic. We want to make everyone happy, it's just automatic. We want to make everyone happy. We want to avoid conflict like the plague and make sure it's smooth sailing in all our relationships. And here I am telling you to say no.
Speaker 1:Saying no, that's like throwing a wrench into our finely tuned harmony machine. But here's the thing Constantly saying yes when we really mean no can lead to a whole heap of trouble. We spread ourselves thin, we put other people's needs above our own and we end up feeling drained and resentful and downright exhausted. Now, a lot of people throw around the term burnout quite a bit, but I don't think anyone feels it quite as deeply as a people pleaser, because we're really good at keeping the peace and saying yes just makes that easier and we end up putting more in our basket than we can carry. Does this sound familiar? So what makes saying no such a Herculean task for us people pleasers? Well, we're going to break it down.
Speaker 1:First, there's the fear of disappointing other people. Sometimes it's the people that we're closest with, and sometimes it's the stylist at the hair salon or the checkout person at the grocery store. We dread letting people down or causing them any kind of discomfort. The mere thought of disappointing someone can send shivers down our spines. So we say yes, sure, thanks, and we keep the peace like we're preventing World War III.
Speaker 1:And then there's the guilt, oh the guilt. Sometimes saying no feels like we're abandoning our duties as the designated helper, and that guilt can eat away at us, because if we don't do it, who will? And that's where our thoughts end. We take on responsibilities that may or may not be ours and simply by having the option extended to us, we feel obliged to go along for the ride. So we take our lumps and we swallow the guilt because we've convinced ourselves falsely that there's no better way. And the truth is, is that feeling of guilt that lives in our throat or in our stomach? It's a sign. It's a sign that we're not in alignment with our best stuff, that there was maybe a better way. And behind that guilt is your higher self saying this isn't yours to carry. This is what change feels like, and with some practice you can turn up the volume on what's right for you and realize that when you're putting yourself first, there's nothing to feel guilty about.
Speaker 1:And then there's the FOMO, the fear of missing out. What if saying no means missing out on an opportunity or an experience? Fomo can hit us hard, making it nearly impossible to turn down any invitation or request. This can pop up a lot when we're not dialed into our own priorities and projects. The truth is is that if it's not aligned with where you want to go and what you want to do, maybe it's not for you, and that's okay when you're tuned in to who you are and where you're going. It makes missing out on things a lot easier when they don't directly contribute to your own mission and your own success.
Speaker 1:Because here's the tea we thrive on validation and praise. That's just a fact. And saying yes all the time feels like the quickest way to earning that approval, even if it's at the expense of our own well-being. And then there's confrontation yeah, no, thank you. We'd rather sit through the discomfort of saying yes than face any possible conflict that might come from saying no. Maybe we underestimate our ability to defend our choices or don't feel like we have solid ground to go against the grain, but in the end we lay down our swords to keep the peace. And how's that working out? And I don't know about you, but I personally have a very rich history in navigating life with all these monkeys on my back, and it's time to change the song. It's time to reveal that there is another way, and the answer is closer than you think. So let's shift gears for a moment.
Speaker 1:Beyond the struggles and the pain points, what do people pleasers truly desire? What is it that we're after? What do we hope to gain from all this extra effort? Here's a peek behind the curtain. When we peel away all the jumping through hoops and self-sacrifice, deep down we crave genuine connections that are built on honesty and mutual respect. That's right. We want the same respect and consideration that we give out all day long. A lot of us love the way we want to be loved, and the funny thing about that saying yes to everything doesn't really honor our own truth. And then the interactions that we have end up satisfying only one party and newsflash, it's not you. It ends up creating these surface level relationships that leave us feeling unsatisfied because we're trying to meet people where they are at, and that leaves very little consideration for what we need and what we want. And when we loosen our grip on our own perceptions of what other people want. We start showing up as ourselves and there's a shift. We connect with people differently and it's more authentic. There's a shift. We connect with people differently and it's more authentic. It's more real.
Speaker 1:Now, when it comes to showing ourselves some self-respect and getting good at setting boundaries, there can be a steep mountain to climb. Maybe you daydream of a world where you're able to focus on your own needs and set healthy boundaries without feeling guilty or selfish. Well, good news, buckaroo, I'm here to say the dreams come true. Saying no is a critical step to upgrading our self-respect and preserving our energy. We have to stop giving it away, so let's make a safe space where we can play. Pretend for a second. Imagine a life where every yes is intentional and every no is liberating. That's the kind of inner peace and fulfillment that we're after A life where our choices and our decisions align with our values and priorities. The key here and it's a big one is to know what those are. You are not alone if you don't have a list of those things at the ready, but it's an important ingredient to being able to sidestep the traps of people-pleasing and if you know and I mean really know yourself, your goals, your values, what you stand for and what you don't. It's like a roadmap to navigating these choices. It's the key to reversing our hardwired brains to people please and shift into living in alignment with what really makes you shine.
Speaker 1:I remember I had to do this exercise as a part of a leadership activity course and I was kind of taken aback with how hard it was. I had to list my values, list my strengths, list my goals, and my inner voice was like whatever you guys want to do, that's cool and it's like no, it's not cool. I was so far down the people-pleasing well that it seemed like there was no way out. I was so far down the people-pleasing well that it seemed like there was no way out. I had no one else to look to for answers and there was no right or wrong answer and that stopped me cold in my tracks. So I started from where I was and the simple act of taking time and investing a little self-reflection allowed me to get to know myself better and tap into what made me tick and who I wanted to be. And it turns out the answers are the right answers, they're my answers and I learned to love all my lists, and this made it a lot easier to identify where I was, where I was going and what was going to help me get there and what was not.
Speaker 1:The things to say no to became way easier to spot. Look deep down. We want to feel confident in our decisions and empowered to chart our own course. Being able to say no with conviction and knowing why we are saying no is a powerful act of self-assertion that boosts our self-confidence and our self-esteem. And those are bank accounts we always want to make deposits in. So we're going to take a wee stroll down the path to empowerment. It's time to roll up our sleeves. It's time to get down to business. Saying no might feel like stepping into the lion's den, but trust me, the rewards are worth it and it's not as scary as the limiting beliefs in your silly little brain are gonna make you think. So what I've got for you now are five actionable steps to help you feel more empowered to say no.
Speaker 1:Number one no damn priorities. I touched on this a bit earlier. So if you do one thing from this start take some time to reflect and think about your values, your goals, your priorities. This can take some time and several drafts because it's a process, right. But trust me when I say this is time well spent. When you are crystal clear on what matters most to you, it becomes easier to say no to anything that doesn't line up with that Example. Let's say you're juggling multiple commitments and you say to yourself it's fine, I do this all the time, but you're feeling overwhelmed. That's your cue. Take a beat. Ask yourself do all these things have to be done by me? Are these the things that will help me get where I want to go? If it was entirely up to me, is this what I would be doing? You may surprise yourself at the answers, but when that feeling of empowerment kicks in, you're better equipped to focus on those and graciously decline the rest.
Speaker 1:Number two practice assertiveness. Assertiveness is your secret weapon in the battle against people-pleasing. This is the part where you get to practice sharing what you need and setting the boundary bubble with some clarity and some newfound confidence. Will it feel uncomfortable at first? I guarantee it, but you'll live. I promise, promise, promise. Now people-pleasers hear the word assertive and immediately tension enters the body. We hear aggressive, we hear confrontation, we hear conflict. But, my dear friends, this is not that. Assertiveness is changing the question mark to a period. It's saying no without having to explain or justify. It's not angry, it's not mean, it's just clear and to the point. Example someone asks you for a favor while you're in the middle of juggling several, many other things. This is the part where you step over your instinct to say yes and somehow make it work with all your magic and pivot into saying something like oh man, I'm really glad you thought of me, but I'm super booked, I'm afraid. Sorry, I can't help you out. Period, no long explanations about why or what you're busy with, simply no, thank you. Which takes us to number three set boundaries and remember your priorities.
Speaker 1:We've talked about boundaries on the podcast before, and this is where they come into play. Boundaries are our new besties. Boundaries are like the guardrails that are there, created for you by you, and they're there to help keep you on track. They're there to help keep you on track with. They're there to help keep you on track with your self-care and your well-being Literally your number one job. It's important to know what your boundaries are and then be firm about what you're willing and unwilling to tolerate when an ask lands on your plate that just doesn't jive with those boundaries, then it's time to communicate those boundaries clearly and with some confidence. For example, if a friend constantly asks for your help without reciprocating, it's time to set a boundary. The world doesn't run very well on one-way streets, so you might say I'm happy to help when I can, but I need to focus on my own stuff right now. If you want, we can find a solution that works for both of us. Because I wanna be clear compromise is okay as long as it works for you. It's okay to embrace the gray. This is going to be key and comforting as you start to step into your power.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's saying yes to the thing, but only if there's time. After you've taken care of number one, that's you and we can't forget about number four, the practice of self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the waters of saying no. It's okay to feel uncomfortable or a little guilty at first, because change takes time and practice and it takes doing it wrong a couple of times. It takes stepping outside of your comfort zone. Change is brave. Change takes courage. So keep going.
Speaker 1:Just remember to treat yourself with the same kindness and love and understanding that you would give a good friend. So, for example, you finally stood your ground and said no to something that doesn't fit your schedule. Now you find yourself trapped in the thoughts of what the other person must think of you. And who do you think you are saying no, and maybe there's still a little time to do the thing for the other person and make things right, and just stop right there. These thoughts are trying to pull you back to where you've come from, and we know that doesn't serve us anymore. Those clothes don't fit. Put them away. You've got a new outfit and it suits you to a tee. So if you feel guilty after saying no to a request, just remind yourself that you're not responsible for meeting everyone's needs. Just remind yourself that you're not responsible for meeting everyone's needs and you're not the only one who can do the thing. It's probably not even your thing to begin with. Let it go. And after all that heavy lifting, it's time for number five Celebrate your successes.
Speaker 1:Every time you say no to something that doesn't serve you, I want you to celebrate, acknowledge the courage that it took to focus on your needs and honor your boundaries. That's huge. Like, for example, did you turn down an invitation to yet another social event in favor of some much-needed downtime, noice. Now you can treat yourself to a cozy night in with your favorite book or movie, or just time alone with your plants, and you can sit back and enjoy the pleasure that comes with putting yourself first. It'll feel so good and there'll be no room for any of those intrusive.
Speaker 1:I know this sounds like a lot, so let's dig into the benefits of stepping out of your comfort zone. Now, I won't sugarcoat it. Saying no can be scary, especially for us people pleasers. But here's the thing Every time you step out of your comfort zone and say no, you're reclaiming your power. You're setting the stage for a happier, more fulfilling life, and by saying no, you're giving yourself the gift of freedom to choose how you spend your time, your energy, your resources. You worked hard for those things. No more being at the mercy of other people's expectations or demands.
Speaker 1:Each time you honor your boundaries and focus on your own needs now that we know that those are you're sending a powerful message to yourself and to the world you matter. You're building a baseline of self-respect that strengthens every assertive. It isn't just about setting boundaries. It's also about creating deeper, more authentic creations, more authentic connections with other people. When you're true to yourself and to your own needs, you attract people who respect and appreciate you for who you are, not what you can do for them. And as you become more choosy about where you put your time and energy, you're going to notice a deep shift in your well-being, aka feeling better. You're going to have more time for self-care, hobbies and things that make you happy. This is the secret sauce to greater happiness and feeling fulfilled. And, maybe most importantly, saying no empowers you to take control of your life and steer it in the direction that you want. With each assertive decision, you're going to feel a surge of confidence and empowerment that reminds you of how good it feels to be you, and that's a feeling worth feeling more often. So, my dear and darling people pleasers, I will leave you with this Saying no isn't about being selfish or uncaring.
Speaker 1:It's about honoring yourself and your needs so that you can show up as your best self in the world. It's about reclaiming your power, setting boundaries and creating a life that aligns with your values and priorities. Will it be easy? Nope, probably not. But remember, every time you say no, you're saying yes to yourself and your wellbeing. You're stepping into your power, one courageous decision at a time.
Speaker 1:So go ahead. Tackle the discomfort, lean into the fear, say no with confidence and conviction. Your future self will thank you for it. I know you've got this, got this, so thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. Remember, self-love and self-acceptance are the foundation for a mojo master, and I know that you have everything you need to live a life, to fill your own cup and drink in all the good stuff that this life has to offer. I know you deserve it. Be sure to come say hi on the Instagram and let me know how you're coming along with your mojo adventure, and you can find my handle and a few fun links in the show notes, so make sure you check that out. Come back next time, where we explore all that is taking personal inventory, getting to know who we are and what makes us awesome. So get your superhero capes ready, because it's going to be a gooder. And until then, stay fabulous, keep spreading those positive vibes and be kind out there. Toodaloo kangaroo. No-transcript.
