Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
How to Find the Solace in Solitude
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Feeling like you're constantly chasing the company of others can be exhausting, can't it? This episode offers a fresh perspective on why finding joy in your own company isn't just a break from the noise, but a profound journey to empowerment. We've all felt the sting of loneliness, yet there's a fine line where it morphs into a liberating state of solitude. I take you on a personal voyage through the once murky waters of solo time, transforming what many view as a negative into a treasure trove of self-discovery and validation from within. Through heartfelt stories and guided introspection, we uncover the hidden strength in our quiet moments and confront the urge to people-please that has long held us back from true happiness.
Get ready to redefine alone time in a way that exhilarates your spirit and bolsters your self-esteem. This isn't about escaping from the world — it's about reconnecting with the heart of who you are. As we navigate the spaces between our breaths and the silence of our thoughts, we find clarity and purpose. I invite you to share your own experiences of embracing solitude on Instagram, because when we validate ourselves, the need for external approval fades into the background. Let's celebrate the art of being alone together; after all, it's in these moments we often find our most fabulous selves.
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welcome to your new favorite podcast pocket full of mojo, where you're, you and I'm stuff, and we tune in here to tap into some mojo.
Speaker 1:You see, I think I've cracked the code to being happy. I'm happy every single day, no jokes. Now, I wasn't always this way. Trust and believe. I've had breakdowns on multiple continents, but I'm not bragging. But by paying attention and living with more intention, I've curated a wellness first aid kit full of amazing tools that help me out of and avoid getting into life's most sticky and stressful situations. And I'm not here to gatekeep, so settle in. We're here for some positive change. So let's explore together where your mojo meets the road. Let's explore together where your mojo meets the road. In today's episode, I'm going to review our mantra for the week and we're going to dig into today's main topic, and that topic is the power and joy of solitude. I know you've got 7 trillion podcasts to choose from and I'm super excited that you've decided to be here. So stick around, and I'll super excited that you've decided to be here. So stick around and I'll make sure that you're glad you did. Let's get started with today's mantra and get tuned in, tapped in and turned on.
Speaker 1:Hello and welcome to the 15th episode of Pocketful of Mojo. Once again, I'm Steph, I'm your hostess, I'm your Mojo Maven and I'm so pumped you're here. Today's going to be a really soulful episode, so let's get right to it. Let's start by digging into today's mantra. And today's mantra is I know that being alone is powerful. Okay, we're coming out guns blazing today. Let's dive in. I know that being alone is powerful. Now, if this causes you a little discomfort at first, maybe, yeah, you're in the right place. When we're young, we are tiny humans who can't fend for themselves. So being alone is scary and it's filled with unknowns. But nowhere along the way do we get this rite of passage that pats us on the head and says you're good to go, being alone won't hurt you anymore. So sometimes we continue to believe that fear and discomfort are part and parcel of being alone, so we push it away. Let's figure out where this power comes from. I know that being alone is powerful. This mantra starts with I know. So. This mantra is anchored in thought and not so much feeling, and it's designed to really anchor you in the knowledge and the truth that being alone is powerful and can act as a reminder of how far you've come and how exciting it is to be able to find the power in this new state. You may not be there yet, but you're reprogramming your mind to associate solitude with empowerment. What a great place to ground yourself. Associate solitude with empowerment what a great place to ground yourself. I know that being alone is powerful.
Speaker 1:Repeating this mantra can be useful when I don't know, faced with indecision, or when you're unexpectedly alone and feel maybe somewhat adrift, if your instincts are to escape your current discomfort and distract yourself by helping others, or you're tempted to look outside for answers, when the answers you're really looking for are found within. I know that being alone is powerful, powerful. What does that look like for you? You get to spend your time with yourself, really defining what that looks like on you, and the power in solitude can bring so many gifts. And having the strength and positive relationship with yourself allows you to get to a place where you not only enjoy your own company, but you thrive as a result of connecting with yourself more often, with less fear. A result of connecting with yourself more often, with less fear, because it's totally normal to not want to have to be alone, because maybe there's just some thoughts you'd rather not face or confront, but when you do, that's when you discover how powerful you really are.
Speaker 1:I know that being alone is powerful was that powerful, or what? So let's ride that train, and this is the part where we dive deeper into today's topic, which is how to savor your solitude. So let's talk a little bit about the joy of solitude, shall we? And I know what you're thinking You're like. That's where boredom lives, that's where I feel lonely, that's where all my thoughts, of all the things I'm not doing, come to play.
Speaker 1:Well, today we're going to flip the script, because if there's even a chance that you're feeling I don't know tired of constantly bending over backward to meet everyone else's needs while neglecting your own, or maybe you're daydreaming of a moment of peace and quiet, just to get a break from the chaos of your daily life, well, my friends, then it's time to learn how to find the joy in solitude, and that's going to reconnect you with the most important person in your life, and that's you. But let's get real for a moment. Being a people pleaser can be exhausting, right? We do it so habitually that we end up just getting good at being tired and getting it all done anyway, and we should probably get a gold star for that. When we're constantly worrying about what others think, trying to keep everyone happy, that keeps the peace for sure, but it ends up being at the expense of taking care of yourself and being able to find time to do things that fill your cup. This is where a little bit of alone time can come and save the day. Let's unpack what all of this really means and how you can integrate this into your life and give you the feeling of being more balanced, more intentional and more connected to yourself. Sound good. Let's go Now.
Speaker 1:Before we dive into the magical world of solitude, let's address the elephant in the room, and that's loneliness. Many people confuse solitude with loneliness, but they're two completely different beasts. Let's first expose the loneliness monster and look at it for what it is. Loneliness is that sinking feeling that you get when you're alone and feeling disconnected. Maybe it feels like there's a void or a hole that should be filled in your heart, but it's not. You don't feel seen. Your feelings of being unappreciated are at an all-time high. Why is nobody calling me? Why does nobody want to hang out? Why don't people pick up the phone when I need them? How is nobody picking up on my feelings that exclusively live in my head? Well, there's like a dissonance and a really low vibration that comes with loneliness, and it's less about the who and more about the what.
Speaker 1:Loneliness is an alarm that sounds off from our head to our heart that we're missing something, and it leaves us feeling incomplete. And if we're not careful, the self-talk can get nasty. When you're lonely, we start thinking about why we're lonely and then we drum up a list of things that we don't like about ourselves to validate this feeling of being alone. And the worst part is that not only is it all made up, and in your imagination, it's that you're the author of that story. So let's change the narrative, because solitude, on the other hand, is a conscious choice. It's a choice to spend time alone and revel in the joy of your own fabulous company. Remember choices. It's that permission that we give ourselves to get off the rinse and repeat and make mindful, thoughtful decisions. And decisions are not contracts. We can change our minds and change our thoughts and our habits. So, when it comes to solitude, let's rebrand it to fit in with your goals of self-love and personal development. That's why we're here and that's exactly what we're going to do.
Speaker 1:So how do we turn solitude from a dreaded foe into a bestie? Well, it's kind of simple, but not necessarily easy. But by using it as a tool to reconnect with ourselves and build up our self-love and self-esteem, we become unstoppable. Let's go through this step by step, and it'll help you tap into the power of solitude and find the joy you deserve. Now I hear you. It's hard to find calm and chaos. I think we can all agree on that.
Speaker 1:So it's time to get the mind free and clear of all the clutter and tap into your zen. I want you to start to think about the perfect place where you'd be able to sit in some quiet. I want you to start to think about the perfect place where you'd be able to sit in some quiet, undistracted, where you can be alone with your thoughts. This could be a cozy corner of your home or a peaceful park, or even just a quiet room with a door closed. I live with my 85-year-old dad, who listens to the TV loud enough that the neighbors can hear, so if noise-canceling headphones are the way to go, then we just got to do what we got to do. So you've got your spot. Get your body cozy, turn off all your phone notifications and you're off to the races, eyes open or eyes closed.
Speaker 1:There's no wrong way to do this. Just do what feels right. Take a deep breath and let the silence wash over you. Allow yourself to let go from the outside world and be fully present right there in that moment. Drop into your body and out of your head and focus just on your breath. Take three giant breaths all the way in, all the way out. Then simply settle back into your body and let your breath return to its normal rhythm. And then be ready, because here come the thoughts. You'll notice that you'll have some thoughts that start popping up, and that's totally normal and fine. That's what the brain does. So we just notice them. We do it without judgment and catch yourself before the thoughts take over.
Speaker 1:Whenever you find yourself drifting back into your head, just turn your thoughts right back to your breath. The first part is to just visualize the breath entering and leaving your body. Just focus on that, and when you're focused on that, there's no room for distraction. The mind will wander, because that's what the mind wants to do, but you're in charge here. Go back to the breath, whether this is your first time doing an exercise like this, or your 100th, there is never a bad time to take 10 minutes for yourself, and if 10 minutes is too much, go for five. If you don't have five, go for three. But you see what I'm getting at here. So today, what I want you to do is to try this. Find some minutes where you can practice finding your breath and quiet the noise, and if you're new to this, maybe 10 minutes feels like 45. So I recommend setting a timer so that you're not tempted to be distracted by how long you've been doing the exercise. When your thoughts come up, that's not a bad thing. Just notice them, be gentle with yourself and simply observe the thought, and what I like to do is take the thought and set it on a raft and watch it float away.
Speaker 1:The next step is to think about what you need. Now that you're comfy with the silence and that timer goes off, slowly and gently, come back into your body and take some time to reflect on something that you may not be able to answer off the top of your head what are your needs and desires? You weren't ready for the pop quiz, right? When you're constantly connecting with everyone else's needs, it's easy to disconnect from your own. So if you're feeling challenged to be able to list what your needs and desires are, here are a few thought starters to help you find out how to articulate what those needs are, because you know you have needs and desires. It's just not always at our fingertips, right.
Speaker 1:So try this. What brings you joy? What activities make you feel alive and fulfilled? What were you doing the last time you were super happy? Who were you with? Make a list of these things and tap into how it's going to make you feel when you're doing these things. It makes it easier to commit to when you put them high on your list of priorities as you organize your life. What can you do daily? What can you do this week? What do you want to do more often? Who can support you while you make these changes? What habits are no longer serving you that can go away to make space for these new, cool, enriching things to be part of your life and your new routine? So throughout this process, it's really important to remember step number three self-compassion, aka be nice to yourself.
Speaker 1:Being a people pleaser has been known to have the side effect of being overly critical of our own selves Harsh. We hold ourselves to really high standards, and the self-talk can get nasty when we don't meet that high bar. And how's that working out? So let's try something new. It's time to show yourself some good old fashioned love and compassion. You know, compassion, it's that thing you show everyone else while you're empathizing and dialing into how other people feel.
Speaker 1:So now it's your turn. Remind yourself that it's okay to put your needs first sometimes and that you're worthy of love and respect just as you are. Like when was the last time that you stood in front of a mirror and just stared at yourself? What do you see? What do you love? How do you feel? Now stand in front of the mirror and repeat I'm a gorgeous human being and I'm super worthy of love and respect. And I'm going to show it to myself. Prioritizing myself feels good and helps me show up better in the world.
Speaker 1:And if you can't find that place where you love your whole self, look, that's okay. You gotta start somewhere. Find one thing that you love. Maybe you struggle with self-love, but deep down you know you've got I don't know amazing eyes. Then stare at your eyes. Go off about how much you love your eyes. Get into the detail about what you love about them. This kind of thinking does become contagious and with time, time and practice, you will start to see other parts of yourself that you love and that will start to come through, and you'll see more and more things about yourself to love. Bonus points for striking the superhero pose with your hands on your hips for a little extra boost of empowerment.
Speaker 1:Is this exercise silly and maybe a little cringy? Sure, but it's also totally transformational in how we see ourselves and genuinely feel about ourselves. The more you practice this, the less cringy it will feel, and that is definitely a promise, which takes us to step number four tapping into your creativity. Solitude is really the perfect time to explore your creative side. Maybe it's painting or writing, or dancing or playing music. Find a way to express yourself that brings you joy and allows you to really express yourself. Does it bring a smile to your face? That's pretty much a good rule to follow. Is it something that you could do uninterrupted for hours? Does it light you up? Look, you don't have to be the next Picasso or Ernest Hemingway for this activity to be of value. The end result is unimportant. The process is the key, and feeling the flow is the benefit of the exercise. This is about doing something for you and letting yourself express yourself in a way that honors what makes you tick. We are all different, so there is no prescription here that I could give you per se. Only you know what activity unlocks that creative side of you, and if you don't know what that is, that's totally fine too. You get to try tons of different ones until you find the one that clicks, which takes us to step number five Get into your attitude of gratitude.
Speaker 1:So gratitude is a powerful tool for generating joy and kicking up the contentment in our lives. Take some time every day, every day, to reflect on the things that you love, that you're grateful for, no matter how big or small. You can do this in a journal, on your way to work or even just as you're falling asleep. There's no wrong way to practice gratitude. It's a list of what makes you happy and thankful, things that you appreciate, things in your life that you want more of, things in your life that uplift you People, nature, ice cream. You know the great things in life. Your list is your own and there are no wrong answers, and there's no such thing as a list. That's too long, but I do challenge you to set a timer and give yourself five minutes to list as many things as you can, and you know what it's going to be amazing, what you're going to discover. Which takes us to step six protect your peace, aka set up some boundaries.
Speaker 1:Babe, as a people pleaser, you may struggle with setting boundaries and saying no to others. For me, this was a foreign concept for very much of my life. I mean, I'd heard of boundaries but I couldn't name three of their albums. But remember, saying no to others means saying yes to yourself. When you practice setting healthy boundaries, you're actually prioritizing your own needs and well-being, and doesn't that sound like the right thing to do? So here's a little exercise Practice saying no to one thing that doesn't align with your priorities or values. Remember, it's okay to prioritize yourself. Just start there. You can do it. Find that one thing that you're struggling to feel excited about and just get it off your list. Delegate it, say no, save yourself. That's what boundaries do. Which takes us to step number seven Master some mindfulness.
Speaker 1:You see, mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment, without judgment. It's the act of dialing into your thoughts and actively choosing what thoughts you're going to think. Mindfulness is being intentional with where you put your thoughts you're going to think. Mindfulness is being intentional with where you put your thoughts, your energy, your focus. Mindfulness is giving yourself permission to actively and purposefully tune into your thoughts, feelings and sensations, and in solitude, this is where mindfulness gets to take center stage. It's just up to you and your brain baby, and the volume is up stage. It's just up to you and your brain baby, and the volume is up. If you're not making time for solitude, then your mindfulness practice. It becomes infinitely harder and clarity is harder to achieve. So this is your call out to use solitude as an opportunity to adopt mindfulness into your daily life and become more attuned to your thoughts, your feelings and the sensations of life.
Speaker 1:A good exercise to practice mindfulness is to get out in nature. There is no better substitute. Take an awareness walk which is just like a regular walk, but you pay attention to the sights, the sounds, the smells around you. Notice how it feels in your body. Let go of any judgments or distractions. Leave the podcasts and the music for another time. Instead, use this walk intentionally to connect with your own thoughts and your own rhythm. So congratulations, my fellow people pleasers. You've officially embarked on the journey of self-love and inner joy. Remember, solitude is not something to be feared or avoided. It is a powerful tool for reconnecting with yourself and discovering the joy that lies inside of you. So embrace the silence, practice serving up some self-compassion and watch as your inner light starts to shine bright. You deserve it.
Speaker 1:And that wraps up today's episode. Thank you so much for being here and remember alone time and me time. There's power in that. Be sure to find me on Insta and let me know how you're coming along with your solo endeavors, and you can find my handle and a few fun links in the show notes. So make sure you check that out. Come back next time, where we're going to explore self validation and how to get your own damn approval and start stepping away from seeking that approval from the window when everything you need is right in that mirror. So until then, stay fabulous and keep spreading those positive vibes. Be kind out there. Take care, my lovelies, toodaloo kangaroo.
