How to Forgive and Let Go!

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Ever found yourself trapped in the quicksand of past hurts, replaying the same scenes of regret? Join me, Steph, your mojo maven on Pocket Full of Mojo, as we embark on an emotional odyssey toward self-forgiveness and grace. In the heart of our thirteenth episode, "Lucky 13," we're unpacking a mantra that's a game-changer: "I give myself grace and forgiveness just as I give to others." Strap in for a soulful jaunt as we examine why forgiveness is not a gift exclusively reserved for others, but a crucial kindness we owe ourselves. With each word, each story, and each shared struggle, we'll navigate the healing avenues that could lead to your very own emotional glow-up.

This episode isn't just a talk; it's a transformative experience. As I divulge my own journey through the murky waters of blame and self-criticism, I'll guide you through the art of journaling, the peace of meditation, and the power of setting boundaries—all while extending that olive branch of compassion to our own hearts. If you've ever found it easier to forgive others than to look inward, this conversation is custom-made for your ears. Together, we'll shed the cumbersome weight of resentment and step into a lighter, more graceful existence, finding our mojo one act of self-forgiveness at a time.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:12

Welcome to your new favorite podcast, pocket Full of Mojo, where you're you and I'm Steph, and we tune in here to tap into some mojo. You see, I think I've cracked the code to being happy. I'm happy like every single day and maybe not every day, all day, but most of the day and what I've done is I've built this cool tool shed of amazing stuff that helps me out of and allows me to avoid getting into life's more sticky and stressful situations, and I'm not here to gatekeep. So settle in, take some notes and welcome to where your mojo meets the road. In today's episode, I'm going to review our mantra for the week and then we're going to dig into today's main topic, and that topic is forgiveness and letting that shit go, and I know you've got 11 billion podcasts to choose from, so I'm real glad you're here. So you stick around now and I'm going to make sure that you're glad you did. Let's get started with today's mantra and get tuned in, tapped in and turned on. Hello and welcome to Lucky 13.

Speaker 1: 1:33

This is the 13th episode of Pocket Full of Mojo and once again, I'm Steph, I'm your hostess, I'm your mojo maven and I'm super pumped that you're here. This is going to be a very liberating episode, so let's get right into it. We're going to dig into today's mantra, and that is I give myself grace and forgiveness just as I give to others. Ooh, okay, okay, lots of unpack here. I give myself grace and forgiveness just as I give to others, which is to say, I do not offer others what I do not offer for myself. And that means, once again, my friend, it starts with you, and if you are struggling as I think most of us are, to offer someone else some forgiveness, then pivot from the window to the mirror for a second. Let's make it about you. Let's make it about me. Is there something that maybe I need to first forgive myself for? That will open up the door to the possibility of forgiving someone else? I give myself grace and forgiveness just as I give to others. Let's zero in on grace for a second.

Speaker 1: 2:49

We have been trained and taught that certain things have to happen a certain way and that we have to go through difficult times with toil and stress and ourselves and in our minds and in our hearts. Now, what if? Like what if? We took a beat, acknowledged that we're confronting something difficult and are engaging in a situation that brings resistance, and then we can mindfully and gracefully unpack our thoughts and feelings without the stupid judgment and the dumb stress and the crazy tension, because we're going to choose to act with grace and kindness even in the face of a challenging moment like having to forgive someone. But this is where we learn how strong we are. I give myself grace and forgiveness just as I give to others. Hmm, fun fact about forgiveness you don't need to involve the other person. No, seriously Like.

Speaker 1: 3:51

Forgiveness can happen without engaging with the other person or the people, but can come from an act of self-reflection or just reviewing the scenario and by making the choice, the decision to when you're ready and you feel it's just and serves your own liberation, can forgive the other person and you'll immediately lose 20 pounds off your shoulders. If you've really done that work and I can say that there have been people in my life who've taken a great deal from me and have treated me worse than I care to admit that I tolerated. But when I look at the road that got us there and unpacked all the pieces of the equation and I weighed my role in it versus the toll the ire was taking on my life forgiveness was really the clearest path and, with a bit of journaling and some meditating and some setting of some strong boundaries, I really lifted the weight of that strain of that relationship and the end of that relationship that all had on me and I was free and I was now healing and no longer just tolerating that hurt. An emotional glow up. If you will, I give myself grace and forgiveness just as I give to others.

Speaker 1: 5:12

Maybe you're a people pleaser to the degree that you're quick to offer others forgiveness, but you struggle to offer it yourself. You save and protect those that you love and keep in your circle and instead you redirect the blame and responsibility on yourself just to keep the peace. This mantra is a chance for you to take a beat, see how that resonates with you and really ask yourself do I offer myself that same grace? Do I forgive myself quickly when I fuck up? How does that measure up against the people in my life? Do I have a lot of situations where I'm having to forgive a lot of people? Are those the right people in my life?

Speaker 1: 5:54

Look, forgiveness is a beast of a topic and today we may just scratch the surface, but any time spent on a topic that helps us treat ourselves with love and kindness is even in the most challenging situations. It better equips us to go out into the world with love and healing in our hearts and shine more light on the dark. The heart is a complex and tricky place to navigate and this by no means is a one and done about forgiveness, just a place to start on a topic that offers a lot of unique takes as many as there are people on earth. So stick around and let's unpack this together, or at least start. I got you. I give myself grace and forgiveness, just as I give to others.

Speaker 1: 6:48

Forgiveness it's a word that holds so much weight and yet it's often easier said than done For people pleasers. Anyway, the struggle to forgive is real and can feel like an uphill battle with a backpack and flip flops, and it's not cute. And because it's the path of least resistance or so we think we hold on to grudges, we replay past hurts and spend a lot of time trying not to, and then the resentment starts to fester, and it's not cute. I mean, just look at the word fester. Does that sound like anything worth doing? That's going to benefit you, no. So let's look at what happens when we hold on too long. When we cling to anger and resentment, whether it's justified or not, it's like carrying around a stupid ugly heavy burden that weighs us down and, quite frankly, I weigh enough. Thank you very much.

Speaker 1: 7:46

When we become trapped in a cycle of negativity, unable to move forward and fully participate in the present moment, these negative thoughts are sneaky and have a way of seeping into our day to day. They can eventually start acting like a poison. It poisons our perspectives and can even impact our healthy relationships. Holding onto grudges not only damages our mental and emotional well-being, but knowing that it also affects our relationships with others means it's time to figure out how we can do better. How can we change the tune? So what's the solution? How do we break free from the clunky change of unforgiveness and embrace the gorgeous liberating power of forgiveness? Well, my friends, it starts where everything starts Awareness. Simply by listening to this podcast and feeling what is coming up for you when we dig into this topic is a start down that road. What comes next is a bit of reflection, followed by a shift in perspective. Stay with me.

Speaker 1: 8:52

Let's first look at what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not about condoning the actions of other people or excusing their behavior. It's not an act of saying, oh, it's okay, and it's not an act of tolerance. You're not lowering your bar of expectation, nor are you caving or surrendering to any power. So if you've been hanging on to some resentment in the fear that you'll be participating in any of those things, you're good to proceed with some forgiving. So what is it then? It's about releasing ourselves from the prison of resentment and, in actuality, reclaiming your power.

Speaker 1: 9:34

Because check this out when we forgive, we actually let go of the emotional baggage that's weighing us down. When we forgive, it's allowing us to move forward with a renewed sense of freedom and inner peace. That's the goal. Forgiveness is an act of self-healing. That is the objective here. But how do we go about forgiving, especially when the wounds run deep?

Speaker 1: 10:01

Here are some practical ways to get some forgiveness happening in your life. Step one it starts with you. Practice some self-compassion. Start by extending compassion and kindness towards yourself. Recognize that holding onto grudges only hurts you in the long run, and give yourself permission to let go of that past. Step number two reflect and release. Take some time Time to reflect on the situation and how it affected you. What role did you play? Did you tolerate something longer than you should have? Did you accept something that in your life today you would no longer accept? This is a good time to go back and visit step one Forgive yourself, be gentle with yourself. This step is not about reassigning blame, but more about taking the time to step back, review all the information and assess. It's so important to acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to experience them fully. Then, when you're ready, release those emotions, let them go and make a conscious decision to forgive.

Speaker 1: 11:20

Not too long ago, I did this exercise with a situation that came up in my life and I was really quite surprised with the results. I started thinking about the situation and the person who was involved and I was really able to unpack everything that went down. It was like my rear view mirror all of a sudden had 20-20 vision and I was able to really grieve the situation. I uncovered a lot from journaling and meditating on the situation and when I say release those emotions, babe, I mean I let it all go. Feel the feelings. I felt mad, I felt sad and I cried and I felt shame, and that allowed me to feel it and honor the process. I really had underestimated how much I needed to forgive myself and how much hurt I had been carrying around with me. And then all of a sudden but not really all of a sudden I had so much more clarity on the situation and on the other person's role and that brought about a whole bunch more feelings to process.

Speaker 1: 12:30

So, by all means, what I'm saying here is take your time. This may not be something that you can sit down and get off your to-do list in an afternoon. It's okay if it's a bit of a process, but the time you'll save in the long run, clearing the real estate that's taking up in your mind that is priceless. On to step number three setting some boundaries. Let's once again take some time. To be super clear, forgiveness does not mean letting the other person off the hook or allowing them to hurt you again.

Speaker 1: 13:07

Forgiveness is not an eraser. It's important to set healthy boundaries to protect yourself and to prevent future harm. Like most things, this starts with you. No need for grand announcements or press conference. It's, first and foremost, the agreement that you make with yourself. You set the terms and conditions on how you want to move forward, what feels right, what feels just, what terms serve you and protect and preserve a healthy and strong relationship. Sometimes this will mean that they're done and they've blown it and there's no room for them in your life anymore. And you know what? If that's what you decide, that's perfectly fine, because that is your choice. It doesn't have to go to a vote or be decided on democratically. You decide. Maybe it means that the frequency or the conditions of your relationship need to change a bit or just a little. You'll know what to do when it feels right. But what's important with boundaries is that you communicate them to the people that it impacts and that you stick to it. It's up to you to hold the line and move forward with relationships that are healthy and serve you in a positive way, which takes us to step four Focus on the present. Instead of dwelling on past hurts, once you've done all that other work, it's time to focus on the present moment and the opportunities that it holds.

Speaker 1: 14:38

Hanging on to resentment, someone once said, is like drinking poison and hoping it'll kill someone else. I found this in a book it was called Surviving Betrayal by Alice May, and it really stuck with me and it helped give me some perspective. And when I found myself not actively forgiving people who were poisoning my life and my experiences. It turns out that cutting them out of my life wasn't enough. Turns out that was just the easy part. It was forgiving them that truly set me free, and having distance from them gave me the space I needed to really firmly plant my feet on the ground and stand tall in my convictions and dig into some self-love, and that was when I was able to forgive them.

Speaker 1: 15:27

And finally, here's the most important thing to remember Forgiveness is a gift. It's a gift that you give yourself, and I'm going to say that again this is all about you. And this may actually be my favorite part of forgiveness you don't need the other person, you don't need the other person to apologize or change in order to forgive them. Forgiveness is about releasing yourself from the gross, ugly, stinky, sticky grip of resentment and you're reclaiming your power, power that belongs to you, power that was there all along, just buried a bit. So, my dear friends, I appreciate that this is a really big topic and that today we were able to do some good work at looking at the structure of forgiveness and hopefully, we were able to shine some light on the dark and equip you with some tools that will help you lighten the load a bit.

Speaker 1: 16:26

I really encourage you to think about the power of forgiveness and how it can positively impact your life. So now that you're ready and we've broken down the path up the mountain and traded our flip flops for some proper gear, you're all set. Let go of the past, forgive yourself, forgive others and step into a future that's got nothing but love and peace and best for all. That, my friends, is gorgeous inner freedom. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. And remember forgiveness is a journey and it's okay to take it one step at a time. Be kind to yourself and know that you are worthy of healing and happiness. So until next time, stay fabulous, keep spreading those positive vibes and take care, lovelies. Toodle-oo kangaroo.