Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
Combat Criticism with Resilience and Self-Compassion
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Ever wondered how some people seem to bounce back from setbacks like they're made of rubber? That's the power of resilience, and in our landmark 10th episode, we're cracking the code to that inner superhero strength. I'm Steph, your guide through the highs and lows of personal growth, and together we'll chart a course through the stormy seas of criticism without losing our luster. I'm laying down some truth about affirmations and how they can be the armor in your arsenal against the naysayers. Picture yourself, cape billowing in the wind of change, as we tackle how to stay true to yourself even when the world tries to knock you down a peg.
This isn't just about weathering the storm; it's about learning to dance in the rain of feedback. I'll be pulling back the curtain on a friend's story, a testament to the transformative power of self-compassion and a healthy ego in the face of tough love. We're drawing lines in the sand to keep the negative vibes at bay and using self-awareness to differentiate constructive feedback from harmful criticism. And for those of you wrestling with perfectionism, get ready to embrace your beautifully flawed humanity with the "gift of seven mistakes" exercise that promises to nurture growth and self-forgiveness. So, strap on your headphones and join us; it's time to flex those resilience muscles and grow stronger together.
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Hello and welcome to your new favorite podcast, pocket Full of Mojo, where you're, you and I'm Steph, your Mojo Maven, and we tune in here to tap into some mojo. You see, I think I've cracked the code of being happy. I'm happy every single day Not to brag, but no jokes. Maybe not all day, every day, but most days and most of the days and I've built this toolshed of amazing stuff to help me out of and avoid getting into life's more sticky and stressful situations and I'm not here to gatekeep. So settle in, take some notes and welcome to where your mojo hits the road. Each and every episode you hear is made just for you. It's all about you and mojo. And wait, what's mojo? Well, it's that feeling you get when the wind is at your back and your self-confidence is off the charts and you just feel unstoppable. Now imagine feeling that all the time. That's what we're here to do. So saddle up Buttercup. We're about to tune into some mojo. In today's episode, I'm going to review today's mantra and then we're going to dig into today's main topic, and that topic is resilience. Baby, we're going to unlock some of that power you've been sitting on and get you back up on your feet. I know you've got a good jillion pods to choose from, so I'm real glad you're here. So stick around and I'll make sure you're glad you did.
Speaker 1:Let's get started with today's mantra and get tuned in, tapped in and turned on. All right, hello and welcome to the 10th episode of Pakaful Emojo. We made double digits, my friends and once again I'm Steph, I'm going to be the hostess, you're Mojo Maven and I'm super pumped you're here. Now we've officially broken the podcast Curse. Once upon a time, I had a different podcast and just before releasing the third episode, my mom died and everything just stopped and ground to a halt. So, doing some years later, here I am back, broken the curse. We're still producing. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here. So this is actually going to be a really empowering podcast episode. So let's get right into it.
Speaker 1:Let's start by digging into today's mantra, as we do, and it is my inner strength and resilience increase every day. Word, okay, let's crack this one open. My inner strength and resilience increase every day. When I speak this mantra, I mean like, really affirm this mantra, say it like it's true. It builds this powerful feeling of empowerment. Powerful Like my head goes back and forth, thinking like today I'm stronger than yesterday and I'll be stronger even tomorrow. Yes, and like every time I say it, it brings more determination and more confidence. But like on the inside, I like this because it works to meet you from wherever you are and life will continue to come at us. So there's no bad time to have this mantra in your pocket. My inner strength and resilience increase every day.
Speaker 1:Really, visualize yourself overcoming challenges with that saucy grace and chest out kind of confidence, like becoming stronger with every obstacle. You know, like that gall to get in your way. How dare that obstacle? I want you to picture how you would want to respond in tough situations, like I picture myself wearing a cape, with my hands on my hips and just like ready for battle. You know, my inner strength and resilience increase every day. Mm, lean into that idea that you have inherent strength within you. Period, it came with a package when you were born. It's just in you, it's part of you and you can access it anytime. And I want you to know like you know, like you know that you have power to kick ass in any situation. It's just a matter of whether or not you're gonna pull that trigger and tap into that source of you, Because if you look back, I'm sure you'll find plenty of evidence to support that you're already strong and you already have overcome obstacles in your life. So the proof is there, despite that little voice in your head, remind yourself of this power, keep it close, and the bonus here is that tomorrow, mm, you're gonna be even stronger. My inner strength and resilience increase every day. So when you repeat this mantra, you're tapping into that limitless reserve, limitless reserve of strength that's already inside you. You access all of its transformational energy just by tapping into that thought. So with each and every repetition, you're stepping like a badass into the future, a future that you're creating. It doesn't exist yet. You get to do this knowing that your resilience can and will carry you through any storm and then cue the rainbows. My inner strength and resilience increase every day. Now let's get real for a moment, as people pleases.
Speaker 1:Criticism yeah, it can feel like a dagger to the heart, am I right? We want to avoid it so badly that it's like we're walking on eggshells, constantly seeking validation and approval from other people. But here's the thing criticism is inevitable. Opinions are like assholes everybody has one and it's a part of life like the sunshine and the rainbows. So if we make changes to release ourselves from the people-pleasing cycle, how do we navigate it with grace and resilience? Now you're in the right place, my darling, because today we're going to get our grace on and learn how to take it like a champ, because we're what? Resilient masterpieces. That's right. I said what I said.
Speaker 1:Let's start by unpacking how criticism feels to a people pleaser. So, to put it mildly, it's like a punch to the gut, leaving us feeling shaken and insecure and unworthy, and we spend so much time and effort to bend over backwards trying to please everyone. Then, to be met with disapproval or judgment can be soul-crushing, and instead of getting good at taking criticism, we get good at hiding how much it pains us, and it's a vicious cycle that can wreak havoc on not only our self-esteem but our nervous system if we're not prepared Now. As the gorgeous people-pleasers that we are, we tend to have very high standards for ourselves, so when we receive criticism, it's like we failed somehow. We didn't do our job as people-pleaser, or at least that's how it cuts Deep. Our fear of failure has been realized by somebody else, which is even worse, and our purpose feels all for nothing. Cue the spiral.
Speaker 1:Now, before we do, let's talk about the traps, because if we can see them coming, we're at least prepared. So trap number one we take it personally. We internalize criticism as a reflection of our worth and jump to the conclusion that they must be right. We suddenly dissolve all our own credit in the delusion that everyone else is the expert. A tell-tale sign that we need to shore up our self-confidence and turn down the self-duct. If we're not careful, we can end up forgetting that it's just someone else's opinion.
Speaker 1:And remember one of my favorite sayings sometimes other people's opinions are what, None of my business. Now you may be thinking how can I not take it personally? It's a direct comment on my behavior or my performance or whatever. And I hear you. It's sometimes impossible to think that criticism can be processed in any other way. But what if it could be processed in a way that didn't make you feel like a big sack of hot garbage? Now you've managed to get this far by taking it personally and taking it on the chin and bucking up and powering through. But that just might be holding you back at this point. Now you're older, you're wiser and you're way more good-looking, and it's time to replace all the people pleasing and the living small with some more Constructive and helpful ways to process someone's criticism, because it's going to happen and if you're doing it right it'll happen often and it can even be helpful if we're ready to receive it.
Speaker 1:So from here on out, you do not own someone else's criticism that they have given you. Let me repeat that you do not own someone else's criticism. It's not a part of you. You don't have to carry it around. If you don't want to, you can put it down there. You should be feeling lighter already.
Speaker 1:So let's move on to trap number two. When we seek validation from others, instead of trusting your own judgment, we look to the people around us for approval, which only perpetuates the cycle of people pleasing. Because here's the thing Someone can only make you feel small if you give them permission. A boom, and this is your cue to take back some of that power. That's all. It takes that decision. And remember your value, your worth. It's determined first and only by you. No one else gets a vote.
Speaker 1:Just like yesterday, I had to write a pretty serious tone text message to my two brothers About some family stuff and I swear this text message was ten lines long and took me about 40 minutes to write and Edit and rewrite and edit and so on. Then I sat there and I stared at it and I had this thought To send it to a gal pal of mine who just has like an extra set of eyes to validate what I was expressing and to make sure that I was doing it properly. And did you hear what I just said? I was asking someone else to validate me being me. So that's just unnecessary and that's how our brains work sometimes. But I stopped and I noticed it, I observed it and I trusted my gut. By taking that beat and doing a bit of reflection, I recognized that I needed to get that validation from Myself. Ooh, and the tone of the voice in my head then tapped into my inner confidence To remind me that I said what I said and if my brothers have questions as to what I said, they have everything they need to ask those questions, period send, and they can have their opinions.
Speaker 1:Sure, we'll dig into how to deconstruct their criticism to find the value, but you can honestly take it or leave it. You have that permission, you have that control. You just need to remind yourself that you're in the driver's seat. So fear not, my dear listener, because there is a way out of this tangled web. It's your new bestie, and their name is resilience the ability to bounce back from criticism with grace and self-love. So how do we get more of this resilience in the face of criticism? Well, let me break it down for you. First and foremost, we must separate our self-worth from criticism. Repeat after me I am worthy, amazing and gorgeous, regardless of what others think or say about me. Let that sink in, friends. Your worth is not determined by someone else's opinion. Your worth is intrinsic, innate and untouchable.
Speaker 1:So, next up, let's reframe criticism as constructive feedback, and that's just not corporate speak. It can actually make a difference. So, instead of by taking it to heart as a personal attack which, like I said earlier, is normal and natural we can observe it, pin it and see it as an opportunity for a new insight and maybe even some self-improvement. Maybe this is a gift, maybe they have some perspective that you haven't thought about, maybe you've got a blind spot in your own personal or professional development, and this quote, unquote rejection can actually help you shore up your skill set, simply by asking yourself what can I learn from this? How can I use this to become better? Now, this is not about being what someone else is looking for. It's about being a better version of you for you, and that's a key distinction that we need to make while we're rewiring our brains like this.
Speaker 1:Criticism feels emotional, it feels personal, it can feel like an attack. But if we rebrand it and emotionally remove ourselves and our worth tied to it from the transaction, we can detach the feelings that get bruised and approach criticism with more of our head than our heart, which is why I love the term constructive feedback, like in the construction of your thought or your idea or your whatever you've put it out into the world and this is what you're getting back, as in the feedback, all in the interest of good construction. Now, that doesn't feel so bad, does it? I remember a friend of mine who's an amazing professional and an incredible leader and an incredible human. She told me the story about how they were leading a group of executives through this workshop and they could tell that the content wasn't landing and the room just really wasn't engaged and what was being presented just they weren't buying it and it was really taking the air out of the room. Now that experience alone would test anyone. But my friend had such resilience that at the end of the workshop she took a couple of people aside and she actively solicited criticism, but framed as constructive feedback, and she took it from this group and they were met immediately with complaints and criticism, and it was harsh.
Speaker 1:Now this was a workshop that my brilliant, experienced, knowledgeable, professional friend had built from scratch with their expertise, their experience, their wisdom, and to get that back could have been soul crushing, and maybe it was a little bit. But you know what they did they listened, they nodded, they responded with okay, great, help me understand what you need instead. What did I miss? How can I deliver this better for you? I want this to work. And when they told me the story, I was so impressed with their ability to rise above and avoid those pangs of hurt feelings and really sift through the complaints to get to the gold. It takes a really healthy ego to be able to take an interrogation like that and then to polish that stone into a gem, and this is achievable for you too, moderino, and that is why we're here.
Speaker 1:So the next key to all of this is to practice some self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself, my loves. Remember that it's okay to make mistakes and that you're deserving of love and acceptance. Flaws and all, no matter what. None of this is going on your permanent record. Now another player on your team is boundaries, my friends, setting those healthy boundaries is a game changer when it comes to separating your self-worth from the criticism.
Speaker 1:It's really important to learn to discern between constructive criticism, which comes from a place of genuine care, and downright negativity, which serves no one and can suck it and go away. Ain't nobody got time for that? Because it's important to know the difference, to be able to spot the Debbie Downer and protect your energy. And not all feedback is criticism and not all criticism is hurtful. It takes some time and some self-awareness to really be able to distinguish the two, and I hope that you give yourself some time, grace and practice to be able to sift and sort between the two. You'll get better at it, because it's not always easy or obvious, but there's gold in that time that you take to reflect. So be sure to give yourself some space and some time to process If you're ever unsure. What's important to remember is that only you decide your worth and only let in what serves your highest good. You're free to leave what doesn't serve you. It's too heavy to carry around opinions that just don't matter. So, to recap, boundaries are our besties when it comes to dealing with criticism. Learn to discern between constructive criticism and downright negativity, and don't be afraid to protect your energy from toxic people and influences. Whether it's feedback or criticism, we are always in charge to decide if we're going to take it or leave it.
Speaker 1:Capiche, capiche Now. We touched on it a bit earlier, but I want to talk a little bit more about practicing self-compassion when it comes to resilience. This is so key. That voice in your head, what kind of tone does it have? Is it a taskmaster, an ambition monster, the sweetheart, best friend? You get to choose. They may all be in there, and you get to turn up and down the volume. The best recipe is to treat yourself with the same kindness and love and understanding and forgiveness that you would give your favorite person in the world or someone you respect greatly. You should feel those things about yourself as well.
Speaker 1:First and foremost, something we are told as children, and hear less and less as we grow up, is that it's okay to make mistakes. That's how we grow, that's how we evolve. That's how we learn Embrace your humanity and love yourself fiercely flaws and all. We tell this to children all the time, but we kind of forget somewhere along the way. When I was first trying to climb this particular mountain, I did a simple exercise I made a list of all the people who I admire and who inspire me. I really looked at how they walked into a room, how they responded to failure in particular, and also how they spoke about themselves. It really offered me a template to follow on what a healthy self-image can really look like when it's strong, when it's powerful and when it's a reflection of something that I aspire to feel.
Speaker 1:Another trick I learned that helped me get over the perfectionism part of me was the gift of seven mistakes. The idea is that I wake up every day with seven mistakes. This is totally an arbitrary number, by the way. You can give yourself as many or as little as you want. They're in my pocket and I get to spend them as I go throughout the day. They're free, so to speak. Like any transaction, I spend my mistake and I get something in return A lesson, an idea, a course correction on my path you name it If I have any left over. At the end of the day, I can spend them on the next day free of charge, no tax. This is all just a concept, an idea. This act of grace is free, it takes up no space, it spends no extra time, but it takes a freight container of weight off my mind. When it comes to how I show up in the world, I'm lighter, I'm more free and confident, and I know that the mistakes will come and that that's okay, and so I highly recommend that you try this sometime.
Speaker 1:Next, it's time to celebrate your uniqueness, my darlings, you are a divine masterpiece, a one of a kind, a creation from heaven, and you've got infinite potential. Let me say that again. Infinite potential and I'm no mathematician, but infinite is a lot. And facts are facts. America, and don't let anyone dim your light or dull your sparkle. No one has the right or privilege. Your job here on this earth is to stand tall, embrace who you are and shine brightly for the world to see.
Speaker 1:And if you're not feeling your fab, it's time to spend some time with self-compassion. It's that gentle practice of treating yourself with kindness and understanding and acceptance, especially when times are hard or you're in the middle of a struggle. And to get that self-compassion it's you got to start by recognizing and acknowledging that you're human and we are all imperfect beings, trying our best, including the person handing out opinions and criticisms. They're just not doing it very well. And you can practice mindfulness by tuning into your thoughts and your feelings and doing so without judgment, allowing yourself to experience them fully, even the bad ones. Being your own best friend offers you words of encouragement, support, and that's what you need as your own bestie. So, finally and always, remember to prioritize your self-care and do some nurturing activities that fill your cup, feed your spirit and your soul.
Speaker 1:When you're feeling the sting, that's your signal to tune into yourself. Take some deep breaths and remember that this is a learning moment and this too shall pass A time where you can actively choose to be gentle with yourself and offer yourself some love. Whatever that looks like for you, you'll know what to do. You just got to listen. And there you have it, my fellow mojo masters the keys to resilience in the face of criticism. Remember you're strong, you're worthy and you're capable of weathering any storm that comes your way. So stand tall, take on your power and keep shining that light so the world can see. We're dying to see it.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode of Pocket Full of Mojo. If you loved what you heard, make sure you subscribe, leave a review, share with your friends. So until next time, keep shining bright, keep mastering that mojo and be sure to tune into the next episode, where we spend some time uncovering the power and the impact of gratitude and self-reflection. More on that next time. So be sure to come back next week and find out more on our next episode. So until next time, stay awesome, stay mindful, stay fabulous and keep shining bright. Definitely wishing you a magical day.
